


Orange Tree

by LMillay



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:48:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 53,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28576269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMillay/pseuds/LMillay
Summary: I got no excuses for all of these goodbyesCall me when it's over 'cause I'm dying insideWake me when the shakes are goneAnd the cold sweats disappearCall me when it's over and myself has reappeared.-Demi Lovato-
Relationships: Henry Cavill/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

The last memory I had was the fear in his eyes as I was loaded into the ambulance, the feeling of cold in my hand as his let go and the doors shut, the EMT’s started to do their job. I stared at the ceiling and then closed my eyes, letting myself drift away. Next time I was awake, I was under the harsh lights of the hospital and machines were` quietly beeping to remind me I had survived, that I was still there. I looked to the door as it opened and saw his tall figure enter, flowers clutched in his hand. The fear had been replaced by hope in his eyes and he offered me a relieved smile, walking to my bedside. He placed the flowers on the table and leaned down, kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes as I took a moment to inhale his cologne, his scent and I was sent back to that morning.

I had woken up with him quietly snoring beside me and I rolled on my side, gazing at his handsome face. He was one of the most handsome men in his line of work and I was still confused why he was with me. I wasn’t gorgeous, I was your normal Californian girl with sandy blonde long hair and freckles on my tan skin. I studied his broad chest, hair sprinkled across it and reached out, my fingers tentatively pausing above him. I ran a finger over his chest, and he murmured in his sleep, turning his head away from me. I continued to tickle his skin and watched as he woke, watched as he became alive to the waking realm. His eyes fluttered open and focused on me, an easy smile spread across his lips.

“Morning,” he whispered, his throat dry and I smiled, kissing him.

“Hi,” I said softly and tucked my hands beneath my head, staring into his blue eyes. He rubbed his face and sighed, getting up slowly. I stared at his muscular back, watched as he rose naked from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. I listened and he soon returned, I soaked in his naked form admiring every inch of him.

I opened my eyes again and he was standing over me in a form-fitting ice blue shirt, worry now mixed with the relief.

“Hi,” he said, taking my hand and sitting on the bed beside me. “How are you?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“I feel like I’ve imploded,” I said, and he nodded, staring at me still. “I’m…” I began but stopped for a moment. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t apologize,” he replied.

“I need to, you never should’ve had to find me like that,” I said, and he sighed, for a moment silent.

“No but I did and I am glad I found you,” he stated and squeezed my hand, “I just..” he began and then shook his head, I could tell it was weighing on him. “Did I do something?” he asked, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

“Fuck no,” I stated, surprised he had thought that. “It was never you and never will be you, it’s always going to be me,” I promised. “It’s my fucking demons,” I said, and he nodded.

“I wasn’t sure, I had to ask,” he said, and I held fast to his hand.

“No, if anything, you were the one thing that’s been keeping me here the longest,” I said, and he kissed my knuckles.

“I don’t want you to leave me again,” he said, and I nodded. I couldn’t make that promise, to anyone but I didn’t want to tell him that either.


	2. Love Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I don't know what's in the stars  
> Never heard it from above, the world isn't ours  
> But I know what's in my heart, if you ain't mine I'll be torn apart  
> -John Legend-

I was released two days later; I went to mom’s house while he went to his and gathered some of the stuff that I had left there. I was seated on the back deck, admiring the private beach she had access to and looked up as the door opened, he stepped out. The afternoon sun only enhanced his looks, the sunglasses, the 5 o'clock shadow and the muscles that seemed to ripple with every move he made. He shut the door and looked over at me, smiling seeing my eyes were on him.

“Hi,” he said, carrying out one of his duffel bags that had my stuff packed inside and he leaned down, I lifted my chin up to kiss him. “How are you feeling?” he asked as he sat down, and I shrugged.

“Better but not 100%,” I said, and he nodded, gazing at the scenery.

“I got what I could think you’d need,” he said, looking back at me pointing to the bag and I

nodded.

“I’m sure it will be fine,” I assured, and he smiled at me, I could tell he was stressed about it, nevertheless. “I’m with my mom, it’ll be fine,” I vowed. He had to fly out to Europe to continue filming his series and I knew he was anxious he would be leaving me so soon after I got released from the hospital.

“Keep your phone charged,” he requested, and I nodded.

“Yes mother,” I said, and he looked pointedly at me, I smiled. “I asked my mom to clear off for a few hours,” I said, and he looked at me.

“Oh?” he asked, and I nodded. I stood and went to him, pushing my way in his lap. I kissed him softly and tickled the hair on the back of his neck.

“So why don’t you come with me?” I asked, standing, taking his hand and he followed, grabbing my bag as he came. I led him up the stairs and into my bedroom, turning to face him. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, he threw the bag to the side and picked me up, my legs around his waist. I kissed him passionately and he walked to the bed, laying me back as he fell over me. ‘You’re the only thing making me feel alive right now,” I whispered as he kissed my neck and his fingers explored my body.

“I love you,” he murmured, kissing his way back to my lips and I smiled, kissing him back. “I love you,” I returned, and he let his lips go down my jawline again, down my neck. He lifted the hem of my shirt up, kissing my stomach as the shirt was pushed further north and his lips followed, claiming every inch of flesh for his own. I stared at him hanging over me as he thrust inside me, his head tilted back and ran a finger down his neck, stroking the sensitive skin there. He grunted with every thrust and even his grunt was proper, he was such an Englishman. His eyes focused on mine as he got closer to release and I held his gaze, the one thread of life that kept me coming back for more. He closed his eyes as he came inside me and I dug my fingernails into his shoulder, enjoying his release. “You came inside me, you’re not wearing protection,” I said, and he shrugged, kissing me.

“I couldn’t stop,” he said and kissed me again, holding himself up. “I’m going to miss you," he said, and I smiled.

“I know you are,” I replied, and he smiled. “I’ll miss you too though,” I promised, and he kissed me, pushing his tongue past my lips. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms around his shoulders and held him there, not wanting to let go. “Promise you won’t cheat on me,” I said, and he pulled back, staring into my eyes as though he was shocked by my request.

“I couldn’t,” he said, shaking his head and I gazed into his eyes, trying to find any doubt of his vow. When I couldn’t, I kissed him again, holding his face. I turned us over, so he was on his back and I was on top of him. I rode him, he grew hard inside me and his large hands reached up, wrapping around my neck. I tilted my head back, my eyes closed and enjoying the ride. “Marry me,” he begged, and I looked down at him.

“What?” I asked, stopping mid-pace.

“Marry me, I want you to marry me,” he demanded, and I moved closer to him, kissing his neck.

“You’re caught up in the moment,” I said, and he shook his head, wrapping an arm around me. "You are, you're worried about leaving me and what will happen in between the time we're apart," I said as I picked up the pace again.

“I’m not, the moment I saw you start to leave me I knew I wanted you forever,” he said and kissed my head, pushing up into me. “I want to marry you and have a family together,” he said, and I smiled at the thought. I reached down and placed a finger over his lips.

"Let's not do this right now," I said and leaned down, kissing his lips. I couldn't promise him tomorrow any more than I could promise it to myself


	3. Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been running through the jungle  
> I've been running with the wolves  
> To get to you, to get to you  
> I've been down the darkest alleys  
> Saw the dark side of the moon  
> To get to you, to get to you.  
> -Selena Gomez-

He left for his set the next day and I was alone, left with the sea as my only reprieve. My best friend came to visit and we sat outside in the dying sunlight, enjoying the last rays of warmth. I studied her, noticing she looked uneasy and at last, I demanded an explanation.

"I just wonder about him," she began. "He seems almost obsessed with you," she started and my eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, we're in love,” I said.

“Are you sure though? You just had something really tragic happen in your life, it’s normal to be irrational afterwards,” she said, and I sighed.

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” I asked and she shrugged.

“I totally can but I can still look out for you,” she said, and I nodded.

“Yeah, yeah,” I replied and sipped on my water. “I think you’re just jealous,” I said, and she rolled her eyes.

“I mean, yeah, of course, I’m jealous of you dating that…ken doll but I still want to look out for you,” she said, and I smiled at her. “He can be a bit selfish, a little arrogant sometimes and I want to make sure that you’re okay with not always being in the spotlight,” she said, and I shrugged.

"He's an actor, you're going to have to let him have a lot of attention," she said and I nodded.

“Takes the attention off of me,” I said, and she nodded.

“I just hope he knows what he’s getting into,” she muttered, and I threw my napkin at her laughing.

“Fuck you,” I said, and she grinned at me.

He Facetimed me from his trailer, still in costume with the wig and I laid back on my bed, smiling at his appearance.

“You look so weird,” I said, and he smiled.

“Sexy weird?” he asked, and I laughed.

“Always,” I replied and he laughed. “I miss you,” I said.

“God I miss you,” he agreed and I sighed heavily.

“It’s not easy staring at you and not being able to fuck you,” I said and he smiled.

“Don’t start that, these pants don’t have that much give,” he said and I snorted.

“It would be funny to know you’ve gone out there with a big hard-on,” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“You would love to do that to me,” he said and I nodded.

“Hell yeah,” I said and gazed at him. “My friend thinks I’m being crazy,” I said.

“Oh yeah? Why?” he asked.

“Dating you,” I said.

“Why? Do I know this friend?” he asked.

“Yeah, Sarah,” I said.

“Does Sarah not like me? I thought we got on pretty well,” he said.

“Oh you did but I think it’s because I’m 19 and you’re 37,” I said.

“Ah, yes, that would send some red flags,” he said. “But I think we’ll prove them wrong,” he said and I smiled.

“I know,” I replied and we fell quiet, staring at each other. He looked away to grab a drink and I set the iPad down, removing my shirt. He looked back and stopped drinking, staring at my naked breasts. He put the cup back.

“Christ,” he murmured and I smiled at him, playing with my nipples. “Don’t,” he begged and I smiled again. I flicked one and bit my lip, running my hand down my stomach. I pushed the iPad back further with my foot and undid my jean shorts, sliding my hand into my panties. “Please, please,” he pleaded and I began touching my self, moaning softly. “Fuck,” he said and I looked down at him, he was staring at me. I worked myself until I came, moaning his name and then sat back up.

“You’re missing out,” I said and he growled. “Let me see it,” I said and he stared at me. “Let me see my work,” I demanded and he shook his head but turned the camera around. His dick strained against his pants and I knew how painful it was. “I wish I was there to suck on it, take care of him,”

I said and he flipped the phone back to me.

“Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you,” he said and hung up, I laughed to myself. I knew how frustrated he was and questioned if he would have any time before his next shot to relieve himself. I took a nap afterwards, enjoying my high from release and when I woke, I went to the bathroom with my phone in hand.

 _“Did you come?”_ I texted and put the phone on the sink counter as I sat on the toilet. It went off as

I peed and when I was done, I grabbed it.

 _“Fuck you,”_ he replied and I grinned. He hadn’t.

 _“Fly me out babe and I’ll take care of you,”_ I vowed and put my shirt back on, zipping my shorts up. I looked back at my phone as it dinged.

 _“You just got out of the hospital,”_ he said.

 _"So? I want to be there to ride you,”_ I texted. My phone rang and I glanced, smiling as I saw his name. “Hello,” I said.

“I need you to stop for real,” he said and I grinned, he was frustrated. On the verge of anger but not there yet.

“Why? I can’t tell my man how much I love his cock?” I asked and he growled.

“It took me five minutes of a cold shower in a fucking wig and I was late back to the set, just to get rid of that last shit you pulled,” he said and I laughed. “Yeah, real funny, seriously stop,” he demanded and I sighed.

“So fucking serious,” I muttered. “All I want to do is make you happy,” I said and he fell quiet for a minute. “For the rest of my life, that will be my only goal,” I said.

“Frey,” he started.

“In the bedroom, out of the bedroom, you’ll be the happiest man on earth,” I promised. “Dinner waiting for you, a warm bed every night and in the morning, breakfast in bed, I just want to be your l,” I said and he was quiet for a moment.

“Fuck,” he said and I smiled. “Check with your mother, I don’t want her to hate me,” he said and I grinned.

“I love you,” I said.

“You know I love you,” he said. “You know I fucking love you,” he growled and I smiled. “I’m going on set now, just send me a text,” he said.

“I will,” I agreed and we hung up. My mother's opinion was very against me going, she said she didn't like me leaving so quickly after my suicide attempt and I told her that I was happy when I was with him, that he balanced me.

"Freya, I really want you to think about this," she said finally and I stared at her. "He's a 37-year old man and he's looking for much more than a girlfriend, he's going to want a wife, a family soon," she explained.

"I know," I said and she stared at me silently for a moment.

"And you're okay with that? What if it's not you in the end?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I queried and she sighed.

"Freya, what if in the end he decides you're too young for him and he breaks up with you, are you going to be all right?" she asked and I paused for a moment, imagining that day.

"I don't know, mom but I do know that right now when I'm around him I am pure happiness," I remarked and we gazed at each other.

"All right, all right, if you think this is the right thing for you," she said and went to the sink to rinse out her cup.

"I mean, mom, he made me check with you because he doesn't want you to hate him, he asked me to marry him and I said no," I said and she turned to face me, leaning against the counter.

"Did he?" she asked and I nodded.

"I turned him down but I mean, he asked," I said standing and she smiled at me, as though there were a million words she wanted to say to me but would leave it.

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy," she assured. "But you have to remember your pills, I don't want you to spiral out of control over there or get pregnant," she said, referencing my antidepressants and my birth control, I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, mother," I said and walked over to her, hugging her. "Thank you," I said and she hugged me back. I texted him that she okayed it.

It was late at night, I had fallen asleep watching some new Netflix show when my phone lit up and rang, I grabbed it half-awake.

“Yeah,” I said, putting the phone to my ear.

“Check your inbox, bought the ticket, you leave tomorrow,” he said and I smiled, closing my eyes as I laid back down.

“Fuck yeah,” I muttered. “Miss me that much you want me there tomorrow,” I said.

“I do,” he agreed. “Especially after today,” he said and I smiled brighter.

“Hell yeah,” I sighed.


	4. Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't wanna be the first to let it go  
> But I know, I know, I know  
> If you have the last hands that I want to hold  
> Then I know I've got to let them go  
> -Ingrid Michaelson-

By noon I was on a plane to where he was, and I took a sleeping pill to get through the flight. The attendant woke me up when we had landed, and I disembarked with the rest of the plane. I waited at the baggage claim for my suitcase and grabbed it, heading out the door.

“Here,” I texted and looked up, wishing I had brought my sunglasses. My eyes fell on him, leaning against a black SUV, arms crossed, sunglasses on and looking like a fucking GQ ad. He smiled seeing me and stood up, I rushed over to him. He caught me as I jumped, and we kissed passionately. “I missed you,” I said.

“It’s only been three days,” he said, and I shrugged, kissing him again.

“Worst three days of my life,” I replied, and he laughed, opening the passenger door for me. He set me down carefully and with the last kiss, went around to his side. He got in and kissed me again before we pulled away from the curb.

“The accommodations aren’t that great but I figured you weren’t coming out here for them,” he said and I smiled, staring at him.

“Nope,” I said and let my hand run into his lap, stroking his inner thigh. He cleared his throat as he straightened in his seat and I smiled, looking out at the scenery.

We pulled into the film lot and he parked outside his trailer. I got out and followed him inside, looking around.

“It’s not that bad,” I said and he smiled, throwing my bag on the couch. “And I’m not here for the luxury, like you said,” I reminded and kissed him, hanging on to his t-shirt. He returned the kiss and let his lips trail down my neck.

“I have the morning off,” He whispered and I opened my eyes.

"Sexiest words I've ever heard you say," I murmured and he smiled.

“I just want you right now,” he murmured, and I smiled as he pulled my legs up around his waist.

Later, I was introduced on set to his fellow actors, all lovely and I even got to sit in to watch his scenes. During the next few days, I jumped him during every break, seeing him in those pants made me want him and he was happy to oblige.

I was asleep in his bed one morning; he had got up early to go for a run and I heard him come back in. He was making himself tea, rummaging around on the counter and then stopped for a minute. “Frey,” he said and I grunted. “Freya, wake up,” he demanded, coming over and shaking my leg. I rolled over on my back and opened my eyes slowly, he was holding my pill organizer. “You haven’t been taking these,” he said.

“Yeah, I know,” I replied.

“But you need to take them, in fact, its one of the few things your mom demanded I keep up with,” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“It’s fine, I’m not killing myself, am I?” I asked, getting up and moving past him to the bathroom.

“This isn’t funny, you can’t just sporadically go off these,” he stated.

“Thank you, doctor,” I replied.

“Freya,” he said, and I sighed, grabbing the organizer from him. I dumped out the days' pills and shoved them in my mouth swallowing. I opened my mouth and lifted my tongue so he could see I took them. “Why weren’t you taking them before?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“Just forgot,” I said.

“Are they just your anti-depressants?” he asked.

“That and birth control,” I said, standing and flushing.

“Jesus Christ, I thought you didn’t want to start a family right now?” he asked.

“I don’t,” I said, pushing past him and pouring some tea for myself.

“Well that’s one sure-fire way to fuck that up,” he said, and I slammed my fist on to the counter.

“Jesus Christ, will you fuck off!” I demanded and looked at him. “You just woke me up and started berating me about shit you know nothing about!” I shouted. “You forget to use protection all the time!” I shouted as I pulled on my jeans.

"Because you're on the pill!" he shouted and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, I'm going to take a walk," I said and burst out of the trailer, starting out of the set. My phone rang and I grabbed it from my pocket, staring at his picture on the phone. "What," I said and he sighed.

"Come back," he said.

"No, I want to take a walk," I said.

"You don't even know where you're going," he reminded.

"I don't care, I know where I'm not going," I said.

"Freya, come on, I don't like you wandering alone," He said and l laughed.

"Well that sucks for you then," I said and hung up, putting my phone on silent. I realized then he was very right about not knowing where I was going as I looked around at the wilderness but at that moment, my anger conquered my fear.

I was gone a good portion of the day, ignoring his calls and texts. I only returned when it began to get darker. I entered his trailer to find him not there and assumed he was on set, I hopped in the shower. Exiting, I checked out what he had for food and began making him a protein dish, like I had seen him make before. I had just finished when he entered, looking exhausted but somehow still very sexy, the wig was gone now.

“Freya,” He said, and I put the plate on the table. “What’s this?” he asked.

“Your dinner, I told you, you’d always have dinner waiting for you,” I said, and he quickly moved towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He kissed me lovingly and I embraced him.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me, but I can’t almost lose you again,” he said and hugged me tightly.

"I get that but maybe don't yell at me about it," I said, and he sat down, nodding. I sat across from him and he glanced up at me as he ate.

“You’re not eating?” he asked.

“Not right now,” I said, and he nodded, starting to eat.

“This is really good,” he complimented, and I smiled.

“I’ve seen you make it a thousand times,” I replied, and he smiled too. “This country is so beautiful,” I said, and he nodded.

“It really is,” he agreed.

"I'd move here if I didn't have family in the states," I said, and he smiled at me.

"I said that before I left England," he countered.

"And look at you now, a real Californian boy," I mocked.

"Yup, with the typical Californian girl as a girlfriend," he said, and I smiled.

He had me up against the wall, my legs over his shoulders and his face buried between them, my fingers in his hair. I called out his name as he made me come and he gently lowered to me to the floor, stepping back as he wiped his mouth with a smile on it.

“I love when you call my name,” he remarked and I smiled, shaking my head.

“I’m so glad I’m dating that mouth,” I muttered, and he laughed, going into the bathroom. I went to the back and laid down on the bed, stretching out with a happy smile on my face. There was a knock on the door, and I listened as he answered it. He came in and I looked up at him.

“I have to go back on set to finish a few scenes, you going to be all right?” he asked.

“I’m just going to sleep,” I said, and he smiled, coming over. He leaned down and kissed me, I held him there. “Are you sure you have to leave now?” I asked and he smiled as he stared at me. “Yes,” He said but I wouldn’t let him go. I pulled him down into bed beside me and climbed over him, moving downwards.

“Let me thank you,” I said, and he stared at me as I undid his pants. I worked hard to make it one of my best yet and the sounds that he emitted let me know I was right on track; he made a very different cry as he came. I swallowed and sat up. “Now you should go,” I said as I got off him and he laughed.

“Well now I don’t want to,” he said, and I smiled.

“Go, go,” I said, pushing him to get out of bed and he laughed, getting up.

“I love you,” he said, and I kissed him.

“I love you too,” I promised and watched him leaving the trailer, zipping his pants back up. I sighed and fell into bed; I was damn lucky.


	5. Flaws

I flew back to California after spending two weeks with him, returning to my mom's house and found my way back into my friend's life, enjoying the parties. I was trying to remain sober, knowing that alcohol only fueled my self-destructive ways and I had been successful so far. I was nestled in the couch at my friend's house, she was engaged in a heated conversation about some television show debate with someone else when my phone rang and I glanced at it, standing quickly.

"I'm going to take this outside," I said to her and she nodded. I weaved my way through the crowded rooms and put the phone to my ear. 'Hello?" I asked.

"Where are you?" he questioned and I escaped out the door, pushing past the people lingering there.

"At a friend's," I said. "Where are you? On a plane back to me?" I asked hopefully.

"No, sadly but we only have another week," he vowed and I smiled, sitting down on a plastic chair.

"Thank god," I said.

"Glad to hear you're not missing me too much," He said and I smiled.

"Well my whole world was stopped for a few days after I got back but I think I'm getting back into my groove now," I said.

"Good, I just hope you're not getting into too much shit," he said and I smiled.

"How are you so sexy but you still sound like my dad?" I asked and he laughed.

"It's a talent," he replied and I laughed. "Other than parties, what else are you doing with yourself?" he asked and I sighed, leaning back.

"God, I don't know, really boring things," I said. "I've started painting again," I said.

"Really? You haven't done that since the beginning of our relationship, I thought it was my fault," he said and I smiled.

"No, not at all, you've just kept me busy," I said.

"I try," he replied and I smiled again.

"I'm glad because I'd much rather be on you than painting," I said and he laughed. "But you're definitely my muse," I said.

"Well that's nice to hear," he said and I nodded.

"Yeah, I wanna do a portrait when you come home so you can hang it above your fireplace," I said and he laughed.

"That's a little conceited, don't you think?" he asked and I smiled.

"But you're an actor, it's expected," I said.

"Well I try to steer away from that," he said and I sighed.

"Just be you, don't try to change," I said.

"Oh, so I'm conceited," he said and I smiled.

"You're an actor, babe, its always about you but you're not a dick about it, take it as a compliment," I said.

"I would if you hadn't just called me conceited," he said and I suddenly realized the slippery slope I was standing on.

"Don't get all upset," I said. "I'm just saying, as an actor you have selfish tendencies," I tried to explain but knew my whole was only getting deeper.

"Not sure how I'm supposed not be upset, my girlfriend just called me self absorbed," he replied and I rolled my eyes.

"You know I didn't mean it as an insult," I disagreed and he laughed. 

"Yeah well, it came off like that," he grumbled. "I have to go back on set, I'll talk to you later," he said and hung up abruptly. I looked at the phone and shook my head. I had put my foot in my mouth again and was feeling the regret of it quickly.


	6. Chapter 6

I tried to get in contact with him later in the night and even the next morning, but he let all my calls go to voicemail. Sarah told me to give him some time, that it wasn’t that big of a deal and maybe he just had a very stressful day. So, I left him alone.

I took my painting supplies and went to the beach the next morning. I hesitated to bring my phone, I knew I would only obsess over it the entirety of the morning and so I left it charging on my bedside table. I spent a good two hours painting the sea in an isolated spot I found and then some time basking in the warm sun, loving the feeling. It was around lunch when I finally decided to go back and made my way to my mom’s house. Walking up the steps, I made enough noise for five people and heard the slider open. I glanced up and my mom appeared at the top landing.

"Where have you been?" She asked and I shrugged stopping at the second to last step.

"Painting at the beach," I said as she let me by, and I propped my painting on the table. She gazed at it and smiled.

"It’s nice to see your father’s talents passed down" she murmured, and I smiled. My father had been a painter, it's what attracted my mom to him initially and then when his paintings began to get attention, they got married. They had me and six years into the marriage, my father committed suicide. He left a note saying he had become exactly what he never wanted to be, a sell-out and a slave to the system of wealth. He left everything to me but in a trust that my mom would have access to care for me until I was 21.

"I'm glad too, it feels like he is with me when I paint," I said and looked at her, she had tears in her green eyes. I remembered my father, but he died when I was young and sometimes it was difficult to extract those memories.

"He would be so proud," she asserted, and I smiled again. "Anyway, Henry called looking for you," she said as she turned and walked into the house. I grabbed my painting and followed her.

"He did, what did he say?" I asked, setting my painting down on the table with the rest of my stuff. Our dog Orion trotted over to me, he was a beautifully large rottweiler that we had rescued and followed me anywhere I would let him.

"He asked if you were here, I told him no and he asked for you to call him," she explained and returned to cutting up watermelon. "Why? What was he supposed to say?" She asked and I sighed, falling into the white leather couch.

"I don’t know he got mad at me last night and wouldn't take my call," I answered.

"What did you say?" She asked and I smiled. My mom knew my mouth usually got me in trouble.

"I might have told him he was self-absorbed," I said, and she laughed. "But I told him it wasn’t bad, that he wasn’t an asshole about it, “I interjected, and she smiled, shaking her head.

“I don’t think there’s anyone who could take that kind of comment and not be insulted, Frey,” she said, and I shrugged.

“Maybe not but it’s the truth,” I said, and she smiled. “I guess I’ll give him a call,” I muttered and stood up, heading to my bedroom. I unplugged my phone and saw four calls from him along with four text messages. I laid back on my bed and started to read them.

“ _Can you at least answer my phone call, even though I’m a conceited bastard?”_

_“You’re being a bit childish about this,”_

_“I really just wanted to talk to you, had a bad day on set and needed someone to talk to,”_

_“Well when you decide to talk to me, let me know,”_ I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I knew he was going to be dramatic; it was part of being an actor and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it.

“ _Hey, sorry, I was at the beach,”_ I texted and switched over to my Instagram, scrolling through what my friends were into for the day. The phone lit up and then a picture of him shirtless appeared on the screen, a favorite photo of mine. I put the phone to my ear. “Hey,” I said.

“Hi, sorry for blowing you up,” he commented.

“It’s fine, you had my mom worried though,” I said, and he sighed.

“Yeah sorry about that,” he said.

“Don’t worry about, I appreciate you worrying,” I said, and he paused.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure what had happened,” he said.

“Did you think I was, so heartbroken by you ignoring me I went and offed myself?” I asked.

“Frey,” he chastised, and I smiled.

“Come on, you got to have a sense of humour,” I said, and he sighed again.

“I suppose,” he replied.

“So, I apologize that you were insulted by what I said last night but I wholeheartedly didn’t mean it in a bad way,” I stated.

“I figured that out after a while but at the same time, it’s not nice to hear,” he said.

“I get that, but you are, and I think you should know,” I said.

“I guess I should if you say so,” he replied.

“Well I mean, you should know good and bad qualities, I have an addictive personality and knowing that I realize I have to stay away from things like alcohol and drugs,” I said. “You, knowing you’re conceited will be aware of it and try not to be like that all the time,” I said and there was a pause at the end of my sentence from him.

“Freya,” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“I think this is not a topic of conversation you’re aware can be insulting, you have a tendency to let your mouth fly off at the handle,” he said. “And you don’t filter yourself and you insult people,” he said.

“Well, I know that I’ve lost a lot of friends from it,” I said.

“And you haven’t clued in yet?” he asked.

“No, I get it but at the same time, I think it’s good quality too,” I said, and he laughed.

“Yeah, if you learn to use it right but you don’t, you just straight out insult people,” he said.

“Well then I guess I’m just a bitch,” I said.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” he replied.

“No? Cause it sounds like you’re just working to get me to admit what a bitch I am,” I said.

“Freya, you know me better than that,” he said.

“Do I?” I asked.

“I don’t even know what to do with that statement,” he answered, and I rolled my eyes.

“You don’t know what to do with a lot of things to do with me, I freak you out, just admit it,” I said. “I’m a psychotic, suicidal bitch and I freak you the hell out,” I stated.

“Well yeah but I still love you,” he said, and I shook my head.

“Well fuck you too, clearly I’m not what you want to deal with,” I said, and he laughed.

“Freya, you fucking said all of it and I just answered you,” he said. “You’re the one that put all that shit out there,” he said. "Stop playing the victim card, this is not at all what I called you for," he argued.

"No, you called because you were having a bad day and needed to talk at me some more," I retorted. 

“You’re all about honesty and being blunt, you don’t seem to like it when the tables are turned though,” he said, and I sat up.

“You know what, this is not the right time for this conversation,” I said.

“Guess not, sorry I called,” he said and hung up, I looked to the screen. Whatever the fuck just happened was bewildering and I didn’t understand how quickly we had slid down that slope.


	7. Chapter 7

I spent the rest of the day finishing up my painting when I was pleased with it, I put it on the easel to dry and went into the shower to wash off the ocean from my skin. Exiting, I heard my phone ringing and dove to grab it, Henry.

"Yeah?" I asked, impatient with him already.

"Look, I don't get what the hell just happened with our last conversation but I'm not in the mood to fight with you, I just need someone to talk to," he stated and I sighed, putting him on speakerphone as I began to get dress.

"Fine, then talk," I said, and he sighed, pausing for the effect I assumed. He then went into a tirade of a one-sided conversation discussing the recent scene he did and how he wasn't pleased with it, that he didn't like what return he received from his co-star. I listened as I dressed and brushed my hair, giving him a series of one syllable responses.

"So, that's it I guess," he said, and I grabbed my phone, sitting on my bed.

"Well it sounds like you just need to talk to them," I said.

"Yeah but I'll just insult them," he said, and I shrugged.

"So, don't tell them and be pissed," I replied and growled.

"You're not helpful," he remarked.

"Yeah, not really," I answered. "Hard to be helpful with someone when there's a lot of unresolved issues with them," I said.

"Really," he said, and I laughed.

"You're doing exactly what I told you that you did, you're being self-absorbed," I said.

"How am I being self-absorbed by asking for advice from the woman that's supposed to be my better half?" he questioned, and I rolled my eyes.

"Look, when we got in this, I told you I was fucked up and you pushed, pushed until I said yes. You fucking stalked me for Christ's sake until I told you, yes and now you've persecuted me for how I am," I said, and he laughed.

"Really, you knew I was an actor before we got together and just now it's begun to be a problem for you," he replied and I stood up, beginning to pace.

"No, I never said it was a problem, I just made you aware of what you were because I wanted you to change it slightly, just slightly and you got pissed off, how dare I call you conceited," I said mocking him.

"You know, you can be a real bitch sometimes," he stated, and I snorted.

"Most obvious thing so far," I answered looking out my window.

"You're an immature child, I don't know why I thought you would be any different than the other girls your age," He said.

"Hey, asshole, you knew I was 18 when you started dating me, I never lied about my age but that was a turn on for you and I get it, old men love young girls but they're never ready to deal with them when they become a woman," I said. "That's not my fault though and I'm not going to have it held against me," I said.

"Woman? If you were a woman you would be a hell of a lot more mature then you are," he snarled, and I rolled my eyes.

"Look, this is the last time I'm fucking answering my phone, all you do is talk down to me and insult me, so fuck you man, enjoy your career," I said and hung up, throwing my phone across the room. "Mother fucker," I said to myself and fell into my bed, closing my eyes. I swore to myself I wouldn't answer his calls again and that I was done with that level of drama.

\----

It was a full week before he even came back on my radar, saw random things on Instagram from hashtags I followed and quickly unfollowed when I realized I still followed him. I unfollowed him on IG as well and tried to block him out though I stopped before I blocked his number. I was out to dinner with my friends when my phone lit up and I turned it over, looking at the screen. I unlocked it and read his text that was a page length about us, telling me who we were as a couple deserved more than a hang-up break up.

"Jesus, what does he want now," Sarah asked and I looked up surprised.

"How do you know it was him?" I asked.

"Your body language, it does a 180 when it's him," she replied, and I laughed.

"Shut up," I said.

"I'm serious, Frey," she interrupted. "When he texts you or calls you, you become stressed out," she stated, and I looked up at her. "Otherwise, you're pretty much laid back but with him, you're a different person," she said with a shrug of her shoulders and I sighed.

"Well I don't know, I still love him," I answered.

"Yeah I know, that's the part I don't get, he's a drama queen," she said, and I realized the rest of my friends were nodding.

"Seriously? Like...no one wanted to tell me all this before I got a year into the relationship and attached?" I asked.

"Well, no, we like you as a friend and didn't want you to hate us," Kate said and I sighed.

"I don't know, I don't know," I said with an impatient shake of my head. "Fuck he's calling, hang on," I said and stood up, leaving the restaurant. "Hello?" I asked as I leaned against the building.

"Did you read my text?" he asked.

"Yeah, the whole novel," I said.

"Stop, it wasn't that long," he denied, and I smiled.

"Close," I replied.

"What do you think?" he asked, and I shrugged to myself.

"I mean, if you want to, I guess," I said.

"If I want to? I want you to want to as well if this between us isn't that important then fuck it but I thought you cared about me," he said.

"Course I do, I wouldn't have answered your call if I didn't," I said.

"Then meet with me, I'm back in LA next week and would love to take you out to dinner," he offered, and I smiled. Regardless of his attitude, he was a good person and we met each other at a lot of levels I didn't meet other people. "Just an hour of your time," he pleaded.

"Fine, fine, text me when and where," I said.

"I will, thank you, Frey, I do love you," he reminded, and I smiled.

"And for some chaotic insane reason I still love you," I agreed, and he laughed. We had a few more small words and then hung up, I headed back in the restaurant.

"Oh girl," Stephanie said and I looked to her. "You took him back," she stated.

"Not yet, I agreed to meet with him," I said, and she shook her head. "He's not a bad guy, he just has to work on some stuff but so do I," I said.

"Girl, you have to work on depression, he has to work on his whole personality," she said leaning into the table.

"But he stuck by me even at the end of my rope, he's the one that saved me," I said, and Sarah grabbed my hand, I looked at her startled.

"It doesn't mean you owe him anything," she said calmly.

"I know that, but I want to see him again," I countered, and she shook her head, leaning back.

"He must be some really good dick," she muttered, and I smiled.

"He definitely is that," I replied, and she rolled her eyes.

====================

I tried enjoying my week, making it go as slow as possible but it sped by and before I knew it, it was Monday. He texted me late in the morning and asked me out to eat that night.

“Way to give a girl some notice,” I said.

“Sorry, I just landed and wanted to make sure you didn’t make any plans but hadn’t had the chance to text you yet,” he said and I shook my head.

“Yeah, that’s fine, what time and where?” I replied.

“7, my place?” He asked and I stared at the phone. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to have it at his place because there was a bedroom close by or it was because he wanted to show he could cook.

“Sure,” I replied and threw my phone on the bed. I looked into my closet and groaned a whole different decision. I had to make sure I didn’t show up looking like a slut but I didn’t want to show up looking like I tried hard to be unattractive. It took me an hour and a half with several FaceTime calls to Sarah about it, while she tried to convince me not to go. At last, I decided on a t-shirt and jeans, simple but not horrible. I left a half-hour early, his home was a bit away and showed up at 7. He buzzed me in through the gate and I parked in front. He was at the front door before I got out of my car and walked out to greet me, I avoided his kiss by hugging him.

“Glad you came,” he said, his eyes roving over me and then led the way into the house. The scent that filled it was delicious and I honestly was surprised, in our year dating I hadn’t experienced his cooking. “Come here,” he said, waving me into the dining room and pulling out the seat for me, I sat down. He pushed it in and sat across from me, I eyed the food. He had made some roast with potatoes and set out my favourite brand of wine.

“I have to compliment you on the wine,” I said and he smiled.

“The fact that I remembered your favourite?” He asked as he tipped the bottle and poured it into my glass, I smiled.

“Exactly,” I said and he laughed, shrugging.

“Not completely self-absorbed,” he teased and I rolled my eyes with a smile.

“Stop,” I demanded and he winked at me. We talked, at first it was small talk, then friendly talk and three glasses of wine in, we began to talk about the serious stuff. Discussing our relationship, what was expected out of it and where we had gone wrong. “I just...I just feel like you’re too intense sometimes,” I said and he leaned back in his seat.

“How so?” He asked, his head cocked to the side and I drank from my wine.

“Like, what you feel, I feel like sometimes you can be overbearing and expect too much out of me,” I said and he smiled. “Like, I’m fucking 19, I just started life basically and you’re well on your way,” I said.

“Thank you,” he said and I smiled.

“You’re not old by any means but...you’re older than me and have done more than me,” I said. “I feel like you expect me to be where you are but I’m not, I’m still floundering with everything,” I said.

“I get that,” he agreed and I sighed. “I will work on that but I need you to get up to speed just a little more,” he said and I gazed at him.

“Okay, your turn to explain,” I said and he began to play with his wine glass.

“It's not that I need you,” he began and my expression gave me away quickly, he put a hand up to stop me. “Wait,” he said and I silenced myself. “It’s not that I need you in my life, I don’t by any means,” he said. “But fuck I want you,” he said. “I want you in my life, by my side and not just today but as far into the future as I can see,” he expressed and I smiled without realizing it. “But to do that, you need to get your head out of your ass and learn to see that I’m not being an asshole, I just know what you’re capable of,” he said and I sighed.

“I know but I think you just come off like an asshole when you try to push me there, it’s going to take time,” I said. “You didn’t get it all right at 19 and I’m not going to either,” I said and he smiled, nodding.

“I get that, I’m sorry,” he said and dropped his gaze to the table. “But I do fucking love you a lot and I don’t want to break up,” he emphasized and I smiled.

“Dude, I don’t want to break up either, I never did,” I said and he smiled at me.

“Then we’re fine?” He asked.

“Course, I’m a bit addicted to your dick anyway,” I said and he laughed, shaking his head.

“You and my dick,” he murmured.

“A match made in heaven,” I said and he rolled his eyes but smiled.

—-

I was on top of him that night, my hands pressed against his shoulders and my head tilted back. He reached up, wrapping a large hand around my throat and I looked down at him.

“You’re mine, Freya, mine,” he said and I bit my lip smiling at him.

“Make me yours then,” I challenged and he growled, flipping me on my back. He pounded into me, his teeth bit my shoulder and I cried out in both pain as well as pleasure, he slammed into me before cumming.

“I love you,” he whispered before rolling off me and I inhaled, smiling broadly.

“And I love you too, you old fuck,” I complimented and he rolled his eyes, resting his arm over his forehead with a smile on his face.


	8. Chapter 8

I disappeared into the mountains of Northern California that day, I told my mom to not tell anyone and that I wanted time to myself, to sort things out. I took Sarah with me and we rented a house near Mount Shasta. I brought my painting supplies and Orion, setting up for a while. I had rented the house for at least a week and the owner gave me the option of extending it if I wanted to. I spent the mornings painting and drinking coffee, the afternoons exploring with Sarah. We had long talks that went late into the night about my life and what I wanted for the future. We talked about if he was part of that future or if he was just a bit of fun for the time being. I was conflicted because, for a better part of a year, he was everything I knew. Now I was deciding whether I wanted to move in with him or not, which very well may lead him to break up with me.

After the first week, I checked my phone and read through his texts. His final texts were telling me my mom wouldn't give him information but that I was safe, just taking some downtime. I stepped out onto the front porch and called him.

"Frey?" he asked breathlessly and I realized he was probably in the middle of a workout.

"Hey, did I interrupt your gym time?" I questioned.

"Yeah but I don't care, where are you?" He asked and I sighed, sitting down.

"Still in California," I said.

"Why can't you tell me?" he asked, and I heard the aggravation in his voice.

"I just need some time to myself, to figure it all out," I said.

"Figure what out? All I asked is if you would move in with me, you're acting as I asked you to marry me," he said.

"Moving in is a big deal, especially for me," I said tucking my hair behind my ear and eyeing my brown, faded leather boots. "You're asking me to change everything in my life," I said.

"Yeah, I am but I love you and want to take care of you," he stated, and I smiled.

"I get that but...I don't know, we just had that big fight and as soon as we made up, you wanted me to move in with you," I said, and he sighed.

"Look, forget I ever asked that, all right? If it freaks you out this much, just fucking forget it," he announced.

"No, I can't forget it because you won't forget it," I said and he growled, at high frustration levels now.

"Frey, all I want is you and if I can only have you for just five minutes a day, I'll take it, I'm not going to pressure you into anything," he said.

"But you want me to move in with you, it’s not fair to you for me to forget that," I said.

"Well yeah I do but I don't care if you move in with me now or six years down the road, I just want you," He affirmed and I couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corner of my lips.

"Even if I'm a complete fucking mess and hate any change?" I questioned and he sighed.

"Yes, even if you're an absolute mess and you refuse to believe me when I say I want to take care of you," he agreed, and I laughed.

"Not exactly my words but all the same," I said.

"So, where are you?" he asked.

"Near Mount Shasta," I said.

"Ah, I should have guessed, it was either mountains or the beach," he said. "I knew one of them would have taken you from me," he said, and I smiled.

"Only things that could take me from you," I said.

"Are you at least with someone?" he asked.

"Yeah, Sarah," I said.

"Oh wonderful, the girl that hates me," he said, and I laughed again.

"She doesn't hate you; she just wants to make sure you're sincere with how you feel and that you're not acting," I said.

"No, when I'm with you that part disappears and I'm me," he said.

"I know, I've told her that, but she doesn't believe me," I said.

"Well I'll just have to prove it to her then," he decided.

"You will," I agreed.

"Can I ask you a favour though?" he questioned.

"Sure," I said.

"Can you stop running away every time you have a freakout?" he asked. "I would love if you would talk to me instead of running away," he said. "I can't handle the stress," he stated.

"I will work on that," I agreed.

"Good, because you're one of the happiest parts of my life but you can also tend to be one of the most stressful," he said and I smiled.

"I kind of have that tendency," I said. "I'll be coming home tomorrow, can I come to see you?" I asked.

"No, I've been chasing you all week but no, I don't want you to come to see me," he said and I rolled my eyes. "Of course you can you stupid fucker," he stated and I laughed.

"Thanks, thanks for that," I said and headed back in the house. We had a few more words and then said goodbye, I looked for Sarah to tell her we were leaving in the morning.


	9. Chapter 9

The lights flashed by as I sat in the back of the SUV, staring out the window and trying not to focus on the pain of the dress I had been squeezed into. His hand was firmly in mine, the heat radiated off of him and I looked over, I had no idea how he dealt with that tuxedo. He glanced at me and flashed a million-dollar smile, kissing my hand.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and I shrugged.

"Uncomfortable and nervous," I said and he nodded.

"That's pretty much the feeling that goes on during these things," he agreed and looked out the window. I looked back to my side and sighed. I didn't know how I had been talked into going, this was the last place on earth I'd ever want to be found and I didn't want to be publicly seen by his side, there came a lot of bullshit attention with that. I didn't know what else to say to him though, he had asked and I had felt bad because I had already turned him down for moving in together. So now, I was waiting impatiently for us to arrive at the Dolby Theatre and then would be sat with other people I didn't know for at least 3 hours. We pulled up behind other vehicles, arriving at the location and were in the queue now for the red carpet. "I appreciate you doing this for me," he said and I looked over at him. "I know this isn't your thing," he stated and I nodded.

"You are completely right there," I murmured and he squeezed my hand. I loved him, even when I tried not to and I knew being together meant some sacrifices on my part but I didn't want to do this. "What happens if I rip the dress?" I asked and looked at him, he rolled his eyes with a smile on his face.

"You're not going to rip the dress, Frey," he vowed and I glanced down at it.

"You sure? I feel like I'm almost popping out of it," I said, gazing at my breasts that were near overflowing and felt his eyes on me, he was looking at the same thing. "Wouldn't you rather have fun on your own and know I'm waiting naked for you at home?" I asked and he smiled.

"That's a lovely image but I want you by my side," he said and I sighed heavily. "You're that uncomfortable?" he questioned.

"Yes! I don't like people and I certainly don't like people when I'm stuffed into thousands of dollar dress," I said and he leaned over, kissing my shoulder.

"You look like a goddess if that helps," he whispered and I looked at him. "When we're done, I will get you ice cream and we can watch whatever you want," he promised.

"Oh fuck you," I muttered and he laughed, sitting back up. He knew ice cream was a weakness and being suffered through his picks of movies was torture for me. "You owe me more," I said and he met my gaze, smiling.

"Oh, that was already in the books," he promised and I smiled, feeling myself grow warm with the thoughts of what I wanted after the ceremony.

Three hours, four hours, I wasn't even sure how long it was but it was hell whatever it was. The red carpet was easy, loud and very blinding but all I had to do was stand on the sidelines while the photographers shouted directions and then we walked the rest of the carpet, him doing interviews along the way while I chatted with his PR. We were taken to our seats and during commercials, he would run to get us drinks, I hid it in my lap though he told me later that wasn't allowed. By the time the ceremony ended, I met quite a few celebs and had a few too many drinks. I fell asleep in his lap in the SUV on the way back home and he shook me gently awake. I mumbled and he sighed, struggling to step out. He carried me into the house and laid me down on the bed.

"If you don't want to rip the dress, you should probably get out of it," he said and my eyes opened finally though they felt heavy as fuck. I sighed and rolled over on my stomach.

"Unzip this bitch," I muttered into the pillows and felt his hands press against the dress, unzipping the back. I exhaled happily and then proceeded to ungracefully slither out of it, he took it off the bed. I rolled on my back again and watched as he slipped it on the hanger from where it came, hanging it on the back of the door. He began undoing his bow tie and gazed down at me. I woke up briefly as I felt the mattress depress, the covers lift over me and peered out of my half-open eyes. His naked back faced me and I reached out, running my nails down it. He hummed in pleasure and I smiled, cuddling closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his body and he brought my hand to his lips.

"Thank you," he whispered and I murmured a reply, falling back asleep promptly.

The next morning he woke me up in bed with breakfast as well as his hangover cure and I sat up, groaning with the weight of my headache. I leaned my head against the padded headboard and sighed, he sat beside me with his tea.

"Rough night?" he asked innocently and I shook my head.

"Never let me drink again," I mumbled and he laughed.

"I'm amazed you think I have any say in what you do," he commented and sipped on his tea.

"Yeah, I know but seriously," I replied and looked to the food. I took a drink from the cup and winced.

"Not tasty but it will straighten you out," he promised and I chugged it. "Well, you didn't have to drink it in one go," he said and I shrugged, digging into the eggs. "Did you at least have a little bit of fun?" he asked and I smiled.

"I did, I enjoyed spending the time with you and seeing you in your element," I agreed and he smiled. "Often, you disappear for months to do what you do and I don't get to appreciate it until a year or so later," I said. "Last night I got to see the fruits of your labour with you," I said.

"I'm glad you were there, made it a bit more fun," he commented. "I don't think the people who were seated in front of us were very pleased," he said and I looked at him confused. "You kept tapping them on the shoulder and telling them what number drink you were on," he reminded and I snorted, laughing.

"Oh god, I remember that...who was it again?" I asked.

"I believe you were harassing Tom Hanks," he said and my eyebrows shot into my hairline.

"Oh no, he was my dad's favourite actor and I've always wanted to meet him, "I moaned. "Fuck, now he'll never want to meet sober me," I mumbled and he smiled.

"I'm sure you'll be fine, you're much more charming sober and not as annoying," he said, patting my leg.

"Not AS annoying? Well damn," I said and leaned back, taking a moment to breathe. "That drink is hitting me now," I said and he smiled, I rested a hand on my stomach.

"See why I said you didn't have to chug it?" he asked and I nodded.

"Damn," I said and pushed the tray off my lap, going into the bathroom. After a few moments of hearing me retch whatever contents I had into the toilet, I felt him sweep my hair off my shoulders and rub my back. I finished but hung over it a bit longer, making sure it was done. "Thank you," I said.

"Of course," he said and I sighed, leaning back on my heels. "The drink usually prevents that but I think you chugging it didn't help," he said and I nodded, standing. I grabbed the toothbrush I had stored at his place and began to brush. "I'm going to hop into the shower, more than welcome to join me," he said and kissed my shoulder before starting to undress. I turned and leaned against the counter, watching his body appear from beneath his sweats. I spit out the toothpaste and rinsed my mouth, turning back to his now naked form as he hung a towel on the rack.

"Honestly, I don't care if Tom Hanks was waiting downstairs, I'd join you even then," I said and he smiled as I undressed, following him into the shower.


	10. Chapter 10

My 20th birthday was rolling around, he had badgered me with questions of what I wanted and I told him I was happy with just spending the day with him, that I had everything I wanted. He continued to pester me until he realized I wasn't going to give him a different answer and my mom invited him along with me to dinner at the house. She had been leery of him at first, his age, his career, and his pretty looks had worried her. When he continued to be there for me, when he stayed by my side even after I tried to kill myself and when he continued to fight for us even when I pushed him away from the hardest, she realized he was an upstanding man. I think partially his charm and looks won her over as well.

I entered the bedroom and stopped, smiling. He was dressed in a blue polo, it was trying everything to stretch over his muscles and he had on dress pants as well, fussing with the collar of his shirt in the mirror. He looked past himself and to me.

"What are you smiling about?" he asked and I shrugged.

"The effort you're putting in for this," I said and slid my sandals on, he eyed me.

"You do look a lot more casual then I am," he said and turned to me, studying my sundress. "I've overdressed, haven't I?" he asked and I nodded.

"A bit but I appreciate it," I said.

"I should change," he said and started to his closet, I jumped up grabbing the back of his pants.

"Don't you dare, my mom will appreciate the effort," I said and he sighed turning to face me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"You're lucky I like you," he said with a grin and I smiled, reaching up to kiss him. He leaned down to meet me and I felt his hands begin to get hungry.

"We have to be there in fifteen minutes and I don't think you can be that fast," I said, moving his hand upwards and he growled, nestling his face in my neck.

"Damn you," he said and I backed up, looking down to his tented pants.

"My poor guy," I said, stroking it but turned to leave, he grabbed me roughly again as I screamed.

He threw me on the bed and climbed over me.

"Fucker, you're going to fix this," he said and kissed me, I wrapped all my limbs around him. We went longer than we should have and by the time we were done, my phone was ringing. He pulled out of me, sweaty and began to remove his shirt. “Now I have to change,” He said.

”You really need to start wearing protection,” I said as I laid back on the bed and sent my mom a message we were on our way.

”You’re on the pill,” He said, tossing his clothes into the hamper.

”Yeah but it’s not always foolproof,” I retorted and he shrugged, putting a new shirt on. “And I know you wouldn’t mind a kid but I’m a little young for that,” I said and he turned to me as he pulled the shirt down.

”You’d be a great mom,” he said and I smiled at him. I didn’t know how to respond to it but I didn’t want the discussion to go down some rabbit hole because we had a dinner to go to.

——-

He was attentive at the dinner, behaved like a gentleman as he helped my mom with bringing food out and then clearing the plate. I sat through the awkward song of Happy Birthday and blew the candles out. After the cake, my mom presented her gift, my dad’s easel that she had been keeping for years in storage.

“I finally made it down there and knew this would mean a lot to you,” she said and with tears in my eyes, I hugged her tightly. I admired it, it had his initials engraved on it and I knew I would treasure it for the rest of my life.

“Thank you, mom,” I said and she nodded, smiling at me.

“And knowing what she was giving you, I coordinated my gift,” he said as he handed me an envelope and I opened it, reading the card first. It was a loving, sweet card about our relationship and thanking me for putting up with him.

”What is this?” I asked, studying the tickets and he leaned over to me.

”It’s a first-class plane ticket to Paris, then the itinerary for your trip through France,” he said and I looked up at him. “I figured you could paint your way through France like your dad did when he was young,” he explained and I looked back to the ticket, a bit overwhelmed.

“This is...” I trailed shaking my head. “Amazing, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that, to walk in his footsteps,” I said and lunged towards him, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, you get me,” I said and he hugged me back.

”Of course I do, you’re my better half,” he replied and I pulled back, kissing him. “I’m glad you like it, I was a bit nervous I was overstepping,” he said and I shook my head.

”No way,” I breathed. “This is for like three months, are you sure you’re going to be okay without seeing me that long?” I asked and he smiled.

”I can stop in here and there, visit with you, give you some inspiration,” he said with a wink and I smiled.

”You dirty old man,” I mumbled and he laughed.

“So I’m getting grandkids sooner than later?” My mom interjected and I laughed.

”No, no, no plans for that,” I said with a shake of my head.

”Well, that’s what I said before you and here we are twenty years later,” she commented and I smiled.

“Thank god for that,” he said, rubbing my leg and I smiled at him.


	11. Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What are we fighting for?  
> Seems like we do it just for fun  
> In this, this stupid war  
> That you hate me now and I feel the same way  
> You love me now and I feel the same way scream and we shout  
> And make up the same day, the same day.  
> You get under my skin  
> More than anyone's ever been  
> But when we lay in bed  
> You hold me harder 'til I forget.  
> _Hailee Steinfeld_

I tried to explain it to him but he didn't understand, thought I was making up excuses. I promised him I wasn't, told him I was only trying to be honest and he wouldn't listen to me. He said he knew it would be overwhelming at first but that I would grow into it. The conversation ended on a negative note and I went to bed back in my mom's house. He didn't bother me the next day and I acted like my stubborn self, ignoring him as well. It drifted into a few days and I found new things to do to distract myself. My friends took me out for my birthday and we partied until late into the night, early into the morning. By the time I stumbled home, I was drunk and exhausted, I fell into bed fully clothed.

I didn't wake until late that next afternoon, rolling out of bed and trudging into the bathroom, holding my head as I sat on the toilet. I hopped in the shower after and let the hot water run over me, enjoying it. When I dressed, I started the search for my phone and found it last under my bed. I grabbed it and laid back on my bed with my stomach rumbling. I had six text messages, two missed calls and tons of pictures I didn't remember taking.

 _"I think we need to take a break,"_ was his first message to me and I stared at it for a moment. We had fought before and he had never said that.

 _"I don't think we're on the same path right now and I think I'm suffocating you, I think I'm doing a disservice to you expecting too much,"_ was his next text and his third was no better. I noticed the two missed calls were from my friends and not him. He had said all this over texting and not called about it.

 _"Fine,"_ was my stubborn reply and I threw my phone on the bed. I slid on my sandals, grabbed my sketchbook and headed out to the beach, the one place I found the most peace. The whole argument had started after sex, I had told him he had to wear protection or we wouldn't have sex anymore. He said that he didn't see the big deal, that he loved me and if he was completely honest, he planned on marrying me. I told him he wanted too much too fast and that I wasn't ready.

He then proceeded to tell me what I thought and that I was wrong for saying what I said. It ended with me walking out and going back home. Now he was done and I was done. I didn't want his kid, I wasn't sure if I even wanted kids because I was so fucked up in my head, I didn't want to make my kids suffer through my mental illness'. He didn't get that, didn't support it and I didn't need it. So as far as I was concerned, we were on break and I could do whatever the fuck I wanted without repercussions. I was sure he'd have more opportunities than me but I didn't care, let him. He wasn't my problem anymore.


	12. Safe and Sound

He wanted kids, he was getting older he said and his career was steady, he wanted to start a family.

I told him while I could appreciate that, I wasn’t in the mind frame for that and I didn’t know when I would be. He told me that there was really no way around it for him and I said that the line in the sand had been drawn quite clearly. Now we were separated and after a year or so of being with him, texting him whenever I wanted, I was alone. As refreshing as it was, it was also frightening and I started to cling to my friends more due to it. We went out later and later, enjoying the party scene he had steered me away from so many times. On one of the nights I got a tattoo, I drank heavier and didn’t come home as often. My mom began to get worried about me and she called him, she reached out to him because he was the only normal she had known in my life.

I peeled myself off my friend’s couch at 5 am, my head spinning and I stumbled into her guest bathroom, leaning over the toilet as every thing I had eaten the night before came up. My phone rang in my back pocket and I groaned, continuing. When I was at last void of content, I sat back on my heels and wiped my mouth, my phone had stopped. I grabbed it from my pocket and peered at the overly bright screen, he had called me. As I was looking at the screen, a text message popped up.

“Are you ok?” Was his text and I laughed out loud. I thought I was good, I thought I was enjoying the freedom but I had slowly begun to realize I was spinning out of control and I had no center anymore to hold on to.

“Define ok,” I replied and pulled myself off the floor, falling back into the leather couch. My phone buzzed in my hand and I peered at it.

“Your mom called me because she’s worried about you,” he said and I rolled my eyes. I could appreciate her concern but at the same time, it bothered me she had reached out to him.

“I’m fine then,” I replied and closed my eyes, letting my phone drop on my stomach. It began to vibrate in the rhythm of a phone call and I looked at it. “Hello?” I asked, realizing how dry my throat was.

“What are you doing, Frey?” He asked and I closed my eyes, tears perking in the corner of them. Just hearing his voice and his nickname for me, it brought out emotions I had tamped down when we broke up.

“What do you mean?” I asked, concentrating on not letting my voice crack.

“You’re staying out late, drinking and getting tattoos,” he said. “You seem to be spiralling out of control,” he stated and I rolled my eyes, fuck him for knowing me so well.

“I need to see you,” I said at last, swallowing my pride. I knew what I wanted, what I needed and I had to say it, it was the one sense of control I could give myself. He paused for a few moments. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I need you more than you need me but…I do,” I said and he sighed. It wasn’t an annoyed sighed but it was a frustrated sigh.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“My friend’s house,” I replied.

“Send me the address and I’ll come to pick you up,” he offered.

“Don’t you have a work out session?” I asked.

“Doesn’t matter, send me the address or I’m calling you back,” he answered and hung up, I smiled. I quickly sent him the address and sat up, a smile still on my face. I grabbed my few belongings and headed out the door, closing it quietly. I sat down on her front porch, my jacket bundled around me and lit up a cigarette, staring at the sky littered with stars. After a half-hour, I heard tires crunching over the dirt driveway leading up to her house and I looked, I squinted in the bright headlights. The car pulled up, stopped and the driver’s side door opened. He got out, stopping at the front of the car as his eyes fell on me and we stared at each other for a few moments. He walked closer, grabbing my bag from me and took my hand, pulling me into him. He wrapped his arms around my body and I let myself be immersed in his warmth, inhaling his familiar scent. He kissed the top of my head and then led me to the car, opening the passenger side. He helped me in, tucking my bag by my feet and got in on his side. He looked over at me and I peered at him wearily. “I’m taking you back to my place,” he said and put the car in drive, turning around to go back the way he came.

Arriving at his house, he led me inside and instead of going into his room, he led me into the guest room. He left me there as I put my stuff down and returned with the old pajamas I must have left behind. He set them gently on the bed and watched as I removed my shirt, studying the large back tattoo I had acquired.

“Get some sleep, I’ll wake you up later,” he said and I nodded, putting on my pyjamas. I climbed into bed, sighing happily and he pulled the blankets over me, leaning down to kiss my forehead. “Sleep,” he whispered and then left, shutting the light off before closing the door. I smiled as I rolled into the pillows and quickly fell into a restful sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

I woke up later to my phone ringing and I reached over to grab it, yawning. I looked at the screen and saw his face on the caller ID.

"Hello?" I mumbled.

"Oh good, it woke you up, I'm late back from my meeting but I wanted you to get up so I can take you to lunch," he said and I looked out the window, the bright afternoon sun shone.

"Sure," I said, pushing the blankets down and rolling on my side in an attempt of rising.

"So, get out of bed now," he commanded, and I sighed.

"I'm going, I'm going," I muttered and hung up, getting into an upright position. I sat there for at least five minutes before falling back into bed and groaning, my head did not appreciate the phone call. I must have fallen back asleep because I woke to feet on the stairs and I shot out of bed, realizing what he would have to say. I rushed into the bathroom and stripped, hopping in the shower. I hoped it wasn't obvious I had just got in there and he knocked on the door.

"You almost done?" he called. It was weird for me, he normally would come in and be a creep if I was naked in the shower, but now there was such a distance between us.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, feeling the dive of my heart and his footsteps retreated, I closed my eyes. Somehow, it was painful to hear those footsteps, but I continued showering. I got out, drying off and headed into the bedroom. I stopped short when I saw an outfit on the bed and looked around, he was nowhere to be found. I realized then how much clothes I had left behind and quickly dressed, sliding on my sandals. I rolled my old clothes into a ball and tucked them under my arm, heading downstairs. I found him in the kitchen, water bottle beside him and he was leaned on the counter, reading something on his phone. He looked up and studied me, his eyes fell on the ball of clothes.

"What is that?" he asked, and I looked down.

"My clothes? I don't have a bag," I said, and he rolled his eyes. He walked over to me, grabbing them out of my arms and disappeared down the hall, opening a door. The door shut again, and he returned. “Where did you put them?" I asked.

"In the laundry? Where dirty clothes go?" he mocked.

"But how will I get them back?" I asked, knowing my favourite shirt was in there and he sighed, closing his eyes as though he was extremely irritated with my stupidity.

"Frey, I will get them back to you, alright?" He asked and grabbed his phone. "Let's just go, I'm starving," he said and grabbed my hand, leading me out of his house. We got in his car and headed out. As I sat across from him, I couldn't help but stare every so often and he finally caught on.

"What are you doing?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"It’s just...I'm confused," I said, and his jaw immediately tensed. "We're still on break, right?" I asked and he shook his head as his eyes moved to the busy room.

"Do you want to still be on a break?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"I mean, you were the one who put us on a break," I pointed out and he shook his head again.

"Freya, yes or no," he stated, and I looked down at my salad that was overtaking the bowl.

"I don't know, we're still at odds so...I guess," I said, and it was quick, but I saw it, the pain in his eyes.

"Then we're on a break," he said. "Now eat, I'm not paying $20 for a salad you're not going to eat," he said, and I returned to my meal. Finishing, he paid, charming the waitress and I saw him give her a substantial tip. "Let's go," he said rising and I followed him out of the restaurant, he stopped every so often to sign an autograph if someone came up to him. The valet brought his car forward and he held the door for me as I stepped in, then got in the driver's seat.

"I'm sorry," I said, and he glanced over at me.

"For?" he questioned.

"Breaking us up," I said, and his jaw clenched again, his eyes on the road with his head cocked to the side. "I just...I don't want to tell you one thing and then get married and change my mind," I said, and he shook his head but remained silent, a deadly poison for me. "I love you, very much but that's why I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to lie to you and try to force something that in the end will just end up in flames," I said. "You're older than me and want kids, I'm not to that point yet and even when I am to the point that I should start thinking about, I don't know if I want to have kids, I'm a fucked up person and I don't think I have any right to submit an innocent life to that," I rambled.

"Frey, shut up," he said at last and I looked at him surprised, he glanced at me. "I'm not looking for kids with you in three years, four years," he began. "I'm talking when you're ready," he said.

"But what if I'm never ready?" I asked and he fell quiet.

"Then that's how it is," he said with a shrug of his massive shoulders.

"No, that's not right, you want a family," I said, and he glanced at me as he pulled away from the stoplight.

"And you're it," he said. "You are my family and honestly, I don't need more than that, the only reason I'd want kids is so the best of us is put into a child," he stated and I felt the breath leave me, hearing his words of endearment. "I've given you as much room as I could, I tried to even get over you," he said. "The lonely nights, the quiet mornings and the inane conversations I've endured, you have no idea, just to get over you," he said and laughed to himself. "It didn't work, you still were always at the back of my mind, waiting patiently for me to close my eyes at night and then you'd take over my thoughts," he said. "I'd think about you until I couldn't sleep and then I'd spend hours looking at photos of us together and then I'd write you a text, a thousand-word text and delete it," he said and smiled. "I'm a fucking lost puppy without you Frey and I fucking hate it," he said, and I smiled.

"My mom told me that you were the best thing that would ever happen to me, that I was an idiot for letting it all waste away because you were the one calm to my chaos and she had seen you work your magic on me time and time again, that you were the reason when I had none," I said and I smiled, staring out the front window. "Fuck, I hate you so much," I muttered. "All these stupid feelings, stupid words and all that bullshit that I hate in movies," I said. "I'm saying them because of you," I said, and he reached over tentatively, I grabbed his warm hand. "I missed you stupid old fucker, however selfish you are, I missed you," I said, and he gave me a look, I laughed. "I'm kidding," I said and kissed his hand. "If you weren't so pretty, it'd be easier to hate you I think," I said and he smiled, shaking his head.

"Shut up before you break us up again," he said and I smiled, holding tightly to his hand. This had to be the last time, the only time we ever broke up because it would just get ridiculous at some point. We both loved each other, and it was obvious now that he would put aside his happiness for mine, I needed to learn to do the same.


	14. Chapter 14

To roll back my habits that I had started to build was difficult, it was a lot of ignored phone calls and a lot of clearing out alcohol in the house. He did his best to help, he wouldn't drink since I couldn’t, and he wouldn't go out some nights to spend them with me. I appreciated his efforts but at the same time, I worried I was stifling him.

I was getting dressed to go to lunch with him one afternoon when he walked in the room and stopped short, I looked up at him.

"What?" I asked and he eyed me.

"Do you have anything else?" he questioned.

"What?" I asked incredulously and he sighed, shrugging.

"It just looks..." he said and tugged on the shirt. "Frumpy," he stated, and I laughed in disbelief.

"I'm comfortable," I said, pulling away from his hand and he sighed again.

"Frey, I'm not telling you this to be an asshole but," he said and looked me over again.

"Will you stop!" I exclaimed and his eyes shot back to mine.

"If I gave you my credit card, would you go buy yourself some more clothes," he asked, and I shook my head.

"No, I don't want to now," I said, and he sighed.

"Trust me, let me get you, someone to go with you, only stuff you're comfortable with," he promised, and I looked at him.

"I don't want to get new clothes, I like these," I said, and he nodded.

"These are fine for going out with your friends, but I mean, is it wrong of me to want you to dress up now and again for me?" he asked and I eyed him. It wasn't wrong, I knew it wasn't wrong, but his approach was horrible. "You're so beautiful, I want to show you off but it's hard to when you wear the same old clothes," he said, and I sighed. "I promise, it would only be what you wanted," he said, and I looked down at my clothes. An old t-shirt that I had for three years, jeans and sandals. I looked at him, he was handsomely styled and looked like he stepped out of a GQ advert, I never thought to put all that work into my outfits.

"Who would you get to come with me?" I asked.

"A stylist, I've worked with her before and she's laid back, she listens to what you want," he vowed, and I sighed.

"If you're offering, I guess," I said with a shrug and he smiled. "Will this do for now?" I asked, aggravated as I motioned to my outfit.

"For now," he said and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close to kiss me. "Let's go," he said, and I slipped my sandals on, following him from the room.

His stylist was extremely laid back and sweet. She had a vibe that I appreciated, and she quickly picked up on mine. She took me to high-end stores but the clothes she picked out matched my personality and felt like they were made for me. She fussed over them, sizing them and then speaking to the store manager, discussing what was to be done with them so they would look perfect on me. Within three hours, we walked out with an entire wardrobe to be delivered to the house and she pecked my cheek before leaving me. I stepped into the waiting Uber and got driven back home.

When the clothes arrived, he asked me to model them and would lovingly attend to disrobing me every time I switched outfits, his fingers getting hungrier each time. When the final outfit fell from my body, he grabbed me and carried me to the bed, climbing over me.

"Was it so bad?" he asked kissing down my neck and shoulder, I sighed happily.

"No, she got me quickly," I said, and he smiled against my skin.

"I told you she was good, and you look fucking amazing," he whispered and his lips ran over my stomach, down to my panties. I closed my eyes as he buried his face between my legs and enjoyed his attention.


	15. Chapter 15

I laid on my back, staring at the stars and feeling the warm grass beneath my back. Staring at the sky was the sober version of my calm down, realizing how insignificant I was and how little my problems at that moment meant. I heard the slider door open; his dog ran out and he followed.

"Frey?" he asked, confused and I lifted my head. I focused on him standing on his back deck, beer in hand and jeans with bare feet. Somehow, he still looked godly even dressed casually and I let my head fall back to the soft bed of earth.

"I'm okay," I said and closed my eyes as his dog sniffed at me, licking my face. "Stop, stop," I pleaded, pushing him away and he snuffed but trotted across the yard to take care of business. I heard his footsteps as he trod down on to the grass and then stood over me, staring down with his blue eyes.

"Why are you lying in the back yard?" he questioned, and I shrugged.

"Trying to remember how little I am," I replied, and his expression gave away how confused he was by my answer.

"How little you are?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Whenever I feel overwhelmed, the stars help me remember that what I think matters doesn't," I explained and after a moment, he sat beside me. He wrapped an arm around his knees and drank his beer, his dog came over to lay down next to him. "You don't have to stay out here," I said, looking over at him and he shrugged.

"Maybe I need to be humbled too," he answered, and I smiled, staring back at the stars.

"You're not looking at the stars though," I pointed out and our eyes met as he looked down at me.

"They're not what humbles me," he stated, and I stared at him, realizing slowly he meant me. He looked back to the house and drank from his beer again, I felt a smile spread across my lips. I think it was that night when the err in judgment was made but I wouldn't realize it for many weeks. In that night, he became my centre and I became his place of normalcy.


	16. Chapter 16

I went to a luncheon with him, it was for a new movie he was going to be filming and it was absolutely boring. They had good champagne but other than that, the meal was completely a toss.

“I’m going to go talk to someone, you all right by yourself?” He whispered in my ear and I nodded, he kissed my cheek before departing. I watched him carefully weave his way through the crowd and sighed, staring at the centrepiece. There were some redeeming flowers in it but the ones that were hideous just overthrew the whole idea.

“Excuse me,” a voice came and I looked up, focusing on a pretty brunette. “Hi, I’m Nancy,” she said, putting her hand forward with a warm smile on her face and I leaned forward, uneasily shaking her hand.

“Freya,” I said and she pointed to an empty chair.

“May I?” She queried and I shrugged, she pulled out the heavy chair.

“This thing is an absolute bore,” she said and I nodded.

“You’re telling me, I don’t know how anyone does this on a regular,” I stated and she smiled at me.

“I saw your date, at least you have some handsome company,” she commented and I smiled briefly.

“I certainly do,” I agreed.

“He is in this film, isn't he?" She asked.

“I guess,” I said, feeling extremely awkward in the conversation.

“Are you guys an item?” She asked, her green eyes latching on to mine as they quickly moved up from the table.

“What?” I asked.

“You and him, are you together?” She asked and just as I gave a look of confusion, I felt his presence.

“Nancy,” he said dryly and I looked up, focusing on him.

“Hello!” She exclaimed, standing and it was obvious she was faking her reaction to him.

“I think you should leave her alone,” he said and I looked up to Nancy, completely bewildered by his reaction to her.

“I think you’re overreacting,” she said.

“Am I?” He asked and she sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Nice to meet you, Freya,” she said and stomped off into the crowd, he sat beside me.

“What, the hell...was that about?” I asked looking at him and his jaw was flexing.

“She’s a reporter,” he stated.

“And?” I asked, there was clearly more than just an annoying reporter there and he sighed, lowering his eyes.

“We had a thing for a few weeks until I realized she was using me,” he said and I nodded, looking back into the crowd to where she stood. “Did you tell her anything?” He asked and I shrugged.

“Just that you’re my sugar daddy and you do horribly unspeakable things to me,” I said and turned my gaze on him, he was staring at me with annoyance in his eyes. The type of annoyance that knew I was teasing him but also let me know this wasn’t a subject he found funny. “No, darling, I told her nothing,” I said and motioned a zipper across my lips, locking it. "Stiff upper lip as you stuffy Brits say,” I replied and he rolled his eyes.

“You’re an idiot,” he stated and I smiled.

“Obviously, I’m here with you aren’t I,” I murmured and he picked up his glass, finishing off his champagne.

——

He pushed me into the house, his lips on my neck and his hands desperately trying to undo my dress. I had my arms wrapped around his shoulders and was trying to keep up with his backwards pace.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I demanded, pushing at his shoulders but he wouldn't back off, he kept kissing down my neck. I pushed at his shoulders again but he just lowered his kisses, his hands raising the hem of my dress. I watched as he knelt to the ground, gathering the dress around my waist and kissing my pink lace panties.

“God, fuck these stupid things,” he muttered, tugging roughly at them and I felt them rip.

“Hey!” I shouted in protest but he pushed me against the wall, burying his mouth between my legs. I moaned, burying my fingers in his hair and groaned as his tongue did everything I had trained it to do. As my release rushed over me, he continued a bit longer and then was on his feet, undoing his belt. I reached down, my gaze on his, undoing his belt for him and shoved his pants down, then his boxer briefs. He slid a hand between my legs, parting them and shoved himself inside me, I groaned again. He slammed into me again and again, grunting in my ear as he did so. I’m sure it was the alcohol but he was almost animalistic, acting like he couldn’t help himself. “Protection,” I whispered but he only grunted again, slamming into me. I closed my eyes as I felt him cum inside and he sucked on my neck.

“Sorry,” he murmured, his forehead on my shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again and let go of me, stepping back. My dress fell back down around my legs and I looked at him.

“You will be,” I said and kicked off my ripped panties, heading to the shower. This was a constant thing, he would be too much in the moment to get protection and I worried it would bring a baby, even with me on the pill. I loved him but I didn’t know if we were ready to add a third into our family, didn’t know if we had ironed out all the wrinkles in our relationship yet.


	17. Chapter 17

He had left to do a series of interviews overseas; he would be gone for three weeks and our time difference would be so drastic that I doubted we would get to speak often. It would probably be a series of photo messages and videos as well as checking his Instagram. He was taking his dog with him and I had started the search for a cat, without telling him. I knew there would be an adjustment period but figured other people did it, so could we. He left on a Thursday morning, I felt him kiss me before he left and settled into the bed, spreading out more. I heard the front door close and sighed; I knew I'd miss him. He had been leery of leaving me alone but had spoken to my mom and she had promised she'd check in on me.

It took me three days of driving to area shelters, but I finally found a cat I liked. He was an orange tabby, 8 years old and the most docile personality I have ever seen on a cat. His name was Julius, I was told it was for a drink called orange Julius and at that age, I didn't consider changing it. He was skittish when he came to the house, it took me two days, but he finally started warming up. I managed to get him to join me on the couch and took photos of us together, posting it on my IG story. He replied to my story with a few question marks and I smiled.

"I needed a friend of my own," I messaged him.

"A cat though? I mean, cats and dogs don't normally get along," he said.

"No, but they will, this cat is super chill," I replied.

"I hope you're right," he replied, and I knew he was irritated that I hadn't asked him.

\-----

Three weeks passed, some days were quick, and others took forever. Julius settled in quite well and would sleep at the end of my bed. I was asleep in the middle of the night when I felt someone kiss my shoulder and I murmured something unintelligible in my sleep.

"I missed you," he whispered, and I smiled into my pillow. He kissed down my bare back and trailed his fingers down my side. "Where is this feline that's taken my place?" he asked, and I smiled again.

"He's probably on the end of the bed or under it," I muttered and felt the mattress rise as he stood. I looked down and saw Julius with his head up, eyes on him. He walked over and put his fingers out, Julius sniffed them eagerly. He pushed his head against his hand, and I saw him smile as he pet his head.

"He's sweet," he said, and I smiled.

"I told you," I replied. "Now come here," I said, raising the blanket and he smiled, removing his shirt. He let his pants drop and climbed into bed, pulling me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around him and my legs, closing my eyes. I inhaled his magnificent scent and enjoyed his familiar warmth.


	18. Chapter 18

I had my arms around his neck as he went down and then pulled back up again, grunting when his elbows fully straightened. He went back down and repeated it.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"Yup," he stated and went back down for another push-up. He had convinced me to get on his back while he did push-ups to add to his resistance, but I was regretting it as it wasn't the most comfortable position.

"What did you do without me?" I asked as he grunted again.

"Slept with more women," he replied, and I pinched his side, he laughed.

"You're a real jerk," I muttered, and he continued. When he was happy, I rolled off and he stood up, grabbing his water bottle. I watched as he drank with great thirst and he sighed, looking down at me.

"What are you doing today?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"Probably going to my mom's, sitting on the beach," I said, and he nodded.

"Nice," he replied and sighed. "I'm going to hop in the shower," he said, and I watched as he left the Livingroom, heading upstairs to the bathroom. I fell back on the floor and closed my eyes. "You can join me if you want!" he shouted down the steps and I smiled, getting up. Didn't have to invite me twice.

\----

I sat on my mom's back deck, eating the salad she had made and enjoying the warmth of the day.

"So, are you two going to get married?" she asked, and I looked up at her, surprised.

"Mom," I said, and she smiled.

"Sorry, I just want grandbabies," she said, and I rolled my eyes, shoving a crouton in my mouth.

"Course you do, this is when I wish I wasn't an only child, “I muttered, and she laughed.

"He'd make some pretty babies," she pushed, and I rolled my eyes again.

"What am I? Igor?" I asked and she laughed again.

"No, think of it, a little boy with blonde curls and his beautiful blue eyes," she said and clicked her tongue. "Beautiful," she said, and I sighed.

"Why don't we just enjoy our meal in silence?" I asked and she smiled at me.

"Seriously though, has he said anything?" she asked, and I shrugged.

"Many times but I don't always catch on until later," I answered.

"Just like your father, oblivious to what's right in front of your nose," she replied, and I smiled. "Just don't let that handsome boy getaway, I'll regret it," she said, and I shook my head with a smile on my face.

"I knew you liked him," I said, and she nodded.

"I do, very much and so do a lot of my girlfriends," she said, and I shook my head again.

"Jesus, do you sit around at book club and gush over his dreamy blue eyes, his big muscles?" I asked.

"And his sexy ass," she said, pointing at me and I gagged.

"Jesus Christ," I said and stood, grabbing my purse. "I have to go or I'm going to be sick," I said, and she laughed, I kissed her head. "Love you mom, thanks for lunch," I said and went down the back steps, getting into my Jeep. As I started it, I glanced at my phone that had been in it charging and saw he had contacted me.

"I need you home now," he said, and I felt my heartbeat quicken, I called him. "Hello," he said.

"Are you okay?" I asked. "I'm sorry I didn't get it until-" I began.

"Just shut up and get home," he said and hung up, I looked to the phone. I sighed, tossing it in the passenger seat and back down my mom's driveway. I drove faster than I should and pulled in front of the house, getting out with my purse. I unlocked the gate and entered, pushing into the house. He ripped the door from my hand, and I stared at him, stunned. He grabbed me by the waist, I screamed in surprise and clung to his shoulders as he kicked the door shut, throwing me on the couch. He laid over me and kissed me passionately, pulling back.

"What the fuck man," I said, and he kissed me again, kissed down my jaw to my neck. He sucked hungrily on the skin and struggled with my jean shorts, pulling them down. I tried to help him, finally kicking them off and taking off his gym shorts. "What the hell is going on with you," I said, and his greedy hands invaded my body.

"Filmed a sex scene today, needed to get off," he said and before I could reply he shoved himself inside me.

Afterwards, I laid sweaty and gasping for air. He had been impossible to please and at last, had got his rocks off, he was now upstairs showering. He came back down just as I sat up and laughed.

"Still out of breath?" he asked.

"Fuck you," I said, grabbing my shirt and putting it on. "Not all of us are at the gym ten hours a day," I said and pulled my panties on.

"Hey, you're always welcome," he offered, and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever man," I said and pet Julius before grabbing my purse to hang it up. He took my hand as I walked by and pulled me into his chest, kissing me.

"Thank you," he said, and I smiled.

"You surprised me for an old man," I commented, and he smacked my ass, I laughed as I walked off.

Three days later I had a meet up with my mom again at her place, but I was feeling under the weather, I texted her that I wasn't coming over. My phone rang soon after and I saw it was her, I let it go to voicemail. I wasn't in the mood for guilt trips. The phone rang again, and I sighed, lying in bed. The phone rang again and again, finally, I grabbed it.

"Mom, what," I said.

"I need you to come over," she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just please come over," she said and hung up, I groaned. I was beginning to feel like I was playing tug of war with the people in my life. I got up, throwing on an old sundress and flip flops. I headed out the door and arrived at the house, noticing his car in the driveway.

"Oh, what the fuck," I muttered, assuming they were gaining upon me. I climbed the steps and put my sunglasses on top of my head as I stopped, seeing him seated with my mom. "I'm leaving," I said and heard the chairs scrape back as they both jumped to their feet.

"Wait! Please!" he shouted, and I looked back at him. "I know you hate being ganged up on, but I

asked your mom, to get you here," he said and walked towards me, holding onto my hand. "You have been driving me crazy for two years, whether you're with me or not, you're always in my mind," he said. "I've never known any woman to do that to me and I hate to admit how much I love it," he said, and I smiled. "I thought of a thousand ways to do this but in the end, I kept returning to this very spot," he said, and I glanced at the sunrise that spilt pinks into the sky over the ocean. I turned back as he moved down to his knee with my hand still in his and a box in his free hand, a beautiful diamond ring sparkled in the dimming sunlight. "Frey, will you marry me already?" He asked and I stared at him then looked to the ring, then to my mom. She had her hands clasped over her mouth, tears in her eyes and she nodded to me, trying to encourage me.

"You want to marry this mess?" I asked and he smiled.

"Fuck yeah," he said, and I laughed, crouching down to hold his face in my hands.

"You'll regret it someday but hell yeah," I said, and he smiled, kissing me. He stood, taking me in his arms and we kissed passionately, my mom clapping behind us.

"You're such a stupid fuck," he said, and I smiled.

"Good luck cause you're marrying this idiot," I said, and he laughed, kissing me again.


	19. Chapter 19

We were standing the same spot two weeks later, hand in hand and the justice of the peace in front of us, with her back to the ocean. His parents were seated in the new chairs my mom had bought for the occasion, my friends were there as were a few of his.

"The bride and groom have written their own vows, are you ready?" she asked looking at us and we nodded, I motioned to him to start. He pulled the paper from his pocket and unfolded it.

"Freya, you have been the wildest ride of my life," he began and I smiled. "From the first night I met you when you climbed into my car and told me to drive, told me someone was chasing you," he said. "Only to find out no one was chasing you and you just thought I was good looking," he said and I smiled again. "You've never stopped making my life an adventure and I'd never want it any other way," he said. "I always dreamed of getting married, having a family but I never thought I'd find the woman that could put up with me, my arrogance and my selfishness," he said. "But you do all that and more, you manage to make me a better person and I will forever work to repay you for that, I love you more every day that I wake up next to you," he said and I smiled.

"Freya?" she asked and I sighed.

"I practised these, I wanted to show you weren't the only genius in the house that could memorize lines," I said and he laughed. "You have been the most annoying person in my life, whenever I try to run away you chase me, when I'm in my darkest moments you don't judge me, you just sit down beside me and hold my hand in the darkness," I said. "I've never met anyone like you and just got lucky that you were so damn good looking too," I said and he laughed. "I tried to talk myself out of staying with you, out of marrying you but every time I did, there'd be a million reasons to not screw it up," I said. "I don't know what I did that made me so lucky to find you and actually manage to get you to like me but I will forever be in their debt, you're the love of my life," I said and he smiled, moving to kiss me.

"Hold on, we're not at that part yet," she interrupted and he sighed, stepping back. She continued with the ceremony and then told us we could kiss, he grabbed me. We kissed and our loved ones clapped. The moment we had put the rings on, I hadn't felt the panic I thought I would and instead felt that I had come to the end of my long, lonely journey. As we swayed for our first dance, his warm arm protectively around my waist and my head against his shoulder, I knew I would never have to be alone again. He would be by my side day in and day out to help me fight all my demons.


	20. Chapter 20

After a year of being his wife, life had introduced me to a number of new people in his career circles, famous and non-famous alike. Everyone has their vices and many of the vices in Hollywood include alcohol along with pills. Having an addictive personality, I tended to veer towards the illegal rather than avoid it and when the world fame began to surround me, I found it easy to lose myself to it. He would leave for a week to two weeks, even three and I would be left to my vices, needing something to take the loneliness away. There was more than one time that he found me passed out drunk somewhere other than a bed and he would patiently carry me to bed, taking care to undress me. It began to wear on our relationship, slowly at first but then the threads began to be pulled, the fabric of our relationship unravelling.

I was out with my friends, enjoying drinks and a few offered pills that made my head feel dizzy when my phone rang. I dug it out of my purse and saw it was him.

“Shit,” I muttered and put the phone to my ear. “Hello,” I said.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“Out with friends,” I replied and he sighed. “Why?” I asked, confused. He was supposed to be in England working on something and I didn’t think it would matter where I was.

“Do you know what today is?” He asked and I thought for a moment.

“Monday?” I asked and he sighed again.

“It's our first fucking wedding anniversary, Freya,” he stated and my eyes grew wide. “I flew all the fucking way back from England to surprise you and what a shock, you’re not fucking here.” He stated. “I don’t even know why the fuck we own a goddamn house, you’re never here!” He shouted and I winced.

“You don’t need to yell,” I said and he laughed.

“I don’t need to yell? Have you taken a look at yourself lately? You look more and more like shit because of your drinking and your fucking pill popping!” He shouted and I held the phone away from my ear.

“I’m going to hang up if you keep yelling at me,” I warned and he laughed.

“Let me save you the fucking trouble,” he said and the line went dead. I gazed at the phone for a moment and then threw the phone back in my purse, closing my eyes.

“Freya!” A friend shouted and I looked, I gratefully took the drink from her. I tipped it back and put the glass up for another.

I stayed out all night, I ignored any semblance of common sense that entered my mind and when I woke the next morning I was in a hotel room.

“Fuck,” I muttered, raising my head but it fell back quickly with pain. I closed my eyes and fell back asleep. Within a half-hour, I was up throwing all the contents of my stomach up into a toilet and then took a warm shower. After I was done, I picked my cell phone up and scrolled through the messages. All my friends from the night before group messaging but none from him. I grabbed my purse and ordered an Uber, meeting them down at the sidewalk. I entered the house quietly and saw his bag in the hallway, he was still there. I slipped upstairs and heard him asleep in the bedroom. I pushed open the door and his dog raised his head but only wagged his tail seeing me. I slipped into the room and crawled on to the bed, staring down at him. He was fast asleep and fucking handsome even when he was snoring slightly. I leaned down and kissed him gently. His eyes opened and he focused on me, I could see the immediate anger. I pulled back and sat on my heels, staring at him. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty wife,” I said and he sighed, tucking an arm beneath his head.

“All I want is for you to just try,” he said.

“I know, I know, I’ve really just stopped doing that,” I said and he gazed at me. He reached up and pulled me down to his lips, kissing me. “Happy anniversary old man,” I said and he pulled me over him, I straddled him.

“Happy anniversary you stupid fuck,” he replied and I smiled.

We went out to lunch later in the day and sat on the patio, enjoying our food.

“So I’d like you to go to rehab,” he said and I looked up at him.

“What?” I asked.

“Rehab, you’ve got a problem, Frey, surely you’ve noticed this,” he said and I sighed.

“I enjoy a good time but I would hardly call it a problem,” I said and he stared at me.

“Seriously?” He asked and I put my silverware down.

“Seriously,” I said.

“You’re out every night, taking pills and drinking, I don’t understand how you DON’T see.” He said and I glanced around.

“I really don’t want to talk about this in public,” I muttered and he sighed, I saw his jaw tense.

“Fine but this isn’t the end of the discussion,” he pointed out and I nodded, raising my hands in surrender.

The rest of the dinner was small talk, mostly forced by him and when dinner was over, the ride home was silent. As soon as the front door shut, he unleashed on me and it was a very angry tirade. He told me how disappointed he was in me, that I seemed to wait until he married me to become this person and now he was trapped. I, for my part, told him he was in no way trapped and he was perfectly able to walk out, divorce me. I told him it wouldn’t be a problem, that I didn’t need his money or his house. When at last we were done throwing petty insults at each other, he was across the room and I was seated sunk into the couch, my arms crossed with Julius next to me.

“You know the worst thing about it, Frey?” He asked and turned back to face me, his blue eyes filled with hurt as well as anger.

“I’m sure I don’t,” I said and he shook his head.

“The worst thing about it is that even with all this bullshit, I still fucking love you,” he said and shook his head. “Which makes it that much harder to do anything because I don’t want to hurt you,” he said pointing in my direction and I sighed.

“I don’t know why I’ve clearly hurt you,” I said and he shook his head again, looking out the glass doors.

“Neither do I, I’m going to bed,” he said, tossing his jacket on the couch as he walked by. “Happy anniversary,” he said and tossed something else to me, it plopped on the couch startling the cat. I heard his footsteps up the stairs and then a door close. I looked to the neatly wrapped gift and picked it up, studying it. I didn’t want to open it, I didn’t want a gift that wasn’t happily given to me and so I set it on the coffee table. I fumed and steamed for a few more hours by myself until I could not keep my eyes open. I walked back upstairs and saw our bedroom door open still, I looked down the hall to see the guest room door shut. I sighed and entered the room, leaving the door ajar for Julius.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want my house in the hills  
> Don't want the whiskey and pills  
> I don't give up easily  
> But I don't think I'm down.  
> -Miley Cyrus-

He had left early in the morning when I woke, he was gone and so I sat at the island, eating my breakfast. I heard the front door shut and I sighed, ready for the attack. I heard the keys clink in the bowl and the toss of his jacket across the bannister as he walked down the hall. He moved around the island and stood across from me, I tried not to look at him.

“Freya,” he said finally and I looked up, meeting his blue eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said and I stared at him.

“Why are you apologizing?” I asked, confused and he sighed, leaning against the fridge with his large arms crossed over his chest, he shrugged.

“I went and talked to your mom, she’s the only person that knows you better than me,” he said and I nodded, still nervous. “She pointed something very vital out to me and I feel like an idiot for not realizing it before,” he said and I stared at him silently. “I took you from a life of obscurity, where you would only have to come out every so often to represent your father in the art world but otherwise could pass for anyone else,” he said. “And I pushed you into a life where paparazzi followed you, your name was in the headlines and your life was irreconcilably changed,” he said. “Plus I didn’t give you any grace period, I just expected you to figure it out while I was off working,” he said.

“Well, I mean, you didn’t do it on purpose,” I defended and he smiled at me.

“No, I certainly didn’t but I was exactly what you accused me of, selfish,” he said. “I wanted to go back to work and left you to fend for yourself, so for that I am sorry,” he said and I nodded, looking back at my bowl.

“I’m sorry for being such a cunt,” I said into my cereal.

“I do want you to figure out a way to help yourself though, I’ll support you however you need, financially, emotionally but you’re not happy the way you are right now and that’s the most important thing to me,” he said. “You need to find something that makes you happy, something to do whenever I’m off on work,” he pressed and I sighed but nodded.

“I know, it was just so new and so easy,” I said and he smiled.

“Yeah, it is and that’s what makes it so damn dangerous, I don’t want to lose you, Freya,” he said and leaned against the counter again, staring into my eyes. “I want a whole life with you, not just a couple of years,” he continued and I smiled at him.

“Me too,” I said. “I’ll do my best,” I vowed and he smiled.

“That’s the only thing I can ask,” he replied. “Now eat your poison cereal, with all the horrible chemicals,” He said, giving a distasteful look at my bowl of fruit loops and I grinned, spooning some into my mouth.

“But poison tastes so good,” I commented and he rolled his eyes, coming around the island. He gently grabbed the side of my head and kissed the top of it.

“You’re such a stupid fucker,” he said and I smiled as he walked away.

I went for a run with him and nearly lost my life that day.

“Oh come on, you can’t be this out of shape,” He said jogging in place as I was leaned over with my hands on my knees and gasping for air.

“Fuck you,” I stuttered and he laughed. “Why do you do this?” I asked, looking up at him and he smiled.

“It helps center me,” he said and I shook my head, slowly standing up.

“You’re fucking insane,” I said and he grinned.

“Married you, didn’t I?” He asked and I rolled my eyes. “Come on, I’ll take it easier, no more hills,” he offered and I groaned.

“I should have had someone follow us with a car,” I muttered but picked up the pace beside him, trying my best.

“It means a lot that you’re trying to involve yourself in what I like,” he said and I nodded.

“Great, so happy,” I said and he smiled again. The rest of the run I dealt with a pain in my side and shortness of breath, I fell on the driveway when we entered our property. He laughed and sat beside me.

“Oh stop being so dramatic,” he said, hanging over me.

“Dramatic? I think one of my lungs collapsed,” I said, rolling on my side and he laughed.

“The more you do it, the easier it becomes,” he promised and I coughed.

“More I do it, I don’t think I’ll ever want to do it again,” I said and felt his fingers run down my spine.

“Give it a chance,” he said and I felt his lips on my shoulder. “Trust me,” he pressed and I sighed.

“I need water,” I said and pulled myself off the ground, entering the house. I pushed past his overly excited dog and to the kitchen, grabbing myself bottled water. I started to chug it as he entered.

“Don’t drink it that fast, you’ll regret it,” he warned and I slammed the bottle on the counter, water leapt out.

“You’re a real fucking downer, you know that?” I asked and he winked at me, grabbing water for himself. “I need a stupid shower,” I said and headed off to the bathroom. As I stood in the middle of the shower, jets spraying at me from all sides, I looked up and saw him entering. I watched as he removed his shirt, tossing it aside and pulled down his pants with his boxer briefs. He opened the door and stepped in, I gazed at him.

“I love you, Frey,” he said wrapping his arms around me and I smiled, laying my head against his naked chest. He kissed the top of my head and I closed my eyes, enjoying his warmth.

“Can I go with you on your next trip?” I asked.

“Yeah, of course,” he said and I smiled. “What are you going to do?” He asked. “I’m on set for long hours,” he finished and I looked up at him.

“Paint,” I answered and he nodded.

“I’d love to have you with me,” he assured and I smiled, kissing him. “You can massage my sore muscles and I don’t have to worry about being horny,” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“Way to make it romantic,” I muttered and he laughed, holding me tighter.

“Hey, at least I only want you doing those things,” he reminded and I sighed, resting my head against his chest again.

“Yes, master, I am so thankful,” I replied and he immediately started tickling me.

“Stop that,” he said and I laughed, backing away from him. He gazed at my naked and wet body, reaching out to cup one of my breasts in his large hand. I stared at him as he watched his hand caress my body and he pulled me closer again, kissing me. “You stupid fuck,” he muttered and I couldn’t help but smile.


	22. Chapter 22

I sat on the couch beside him, watching a new Netflix documentary that had piqued my interest and he was on his phone, scrolling through the screen.

"I want to go to the Oscar's this year," he said and I looked up at him, trying to hear what he said.

"The Oscars?" I asked and he nodded, his eyes raising to mine. "Were you invited?" I asked and he laughed.

"Do you think everyone that goes is invited?" he asked, looking back at his phone.

"Well yeah," I said and paused. "Wait, aren't they?" I asked and he shook his head with the same smile on his face. "So people just go? Isn't that rude?" I asked and he laughed again.

"I love you," he said and I sighed, he looked back at me. "No, some are invited and some just buy tickets, it's good for their image if they're seen on the red carpet," he stated and I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Wait," I started. "So you can buy the tickets?" I asked.

"Yes, they're expensive but you can," he replied and I stared at the television screen again.

"What's expensive?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I think if you're nominated, they're like 800 and when you're not, more," he said.

"For one ticket? Wait, if you're nominated you still have to pay for a ticket?" I asked amazed and he nodded. "Don't they make enough money that they can front you?" I asked and he smiled.

"I'm sure they do but that's not how it works," he said.

"Well it should," I muttered.

"Probably," he replied and we fell silent.

"So when you went, you paid for that?" I asked and he nodded, his eyes on mine. "Man you're dumb," I said and he smiled, knowing I was teasing him. "And you want to go again? You're a glutton for punishment," I chided and he leaned over, kissing me.

"Married you, didn't I?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh shut up," I said. "Well I can't say I'd be interested in going," I said.

"Really? You don't want the whole dress and glamour?" he asked and I looked at him. I knew he wanted me to want it but at the same time, I was a barefoot kind of girl.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked and he nodded. "Then, of course, I want the whole dress and glamour," I replied and he grinned, he knew I wasn't.

The next week was a whirlwind, he had decided to go a month before they would happen and normally, stylists had way more time than what he gave them. She was slightly annoyed, I could tell, by the fact that now she had two people she had to dress but I told her not to go crazy for me, that I'd be happy in most anything. She kept sending me pictures of dresses, asking me which and I kept telling her my opinion, she managed to somehow narrow it down to one I really liked. He was simply, a tux and he was done. I had to pick out jewelry, hairstyles and everything under the sun.

"You sure you're still okay with this?" he asked and I looked at him over the dinner table one night.

"Just buy the tickets and let me do this," I said and he smiled. I had been forcing myself to do what I was doing, to take interest in all the things they were throwing at me and I know he highly appreciated it.

It was the morning of, people showed up at our door to spoil me as they said but I was more annoyed with the attention. The hair, the nails, the face cleansers and all the other things I hated. I sat patiently, engaging with them, the only high point of the procedure.

"So I must be the biggest pain in the ass, all the other people must have already had this done," I said and the woman looked up at me, then smiled.

"Honestly, you're the easiest," she replied.

"Really?" I asked and she nodded.

"You have no idea what some of these celebrities need, want," she said and shook her head. "I'm surprised any of them remains when they walk the red carpet, they take months to get ready for this," she said.

"Months? What the hell do you do for months?" I asked and she sighed, shaking her head.

"So much, gym training to fit into the dresses, they have to fit the dress if they're not wanting to put money down for it, then they have botox or fillers done which take a couple of weeks to settle," she listed.

"Shit," I muttered. "Now I'm self-conscious," I said and she laughed.

"You're fine love, you have what a lot of them don't," she said and I looked at her.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Youth," she said with a wink and I laughed. "Is that your dress?" she asked, pointing in the corner of the room where a bag hung and I nodded. "I bet its beautiful, what's the designer?" she asked and I stared at it, trying to remember. "Girl, you better get on top of that, they're going to ask you on the carpet and no designer wants their name forgotten," she warned and I sighed.

"This is more of a pain in the ass than I thought," I muttered and she smiled.

"But you've got a handsome date, so I'm sure you'll be fine, all the attention will be on him," she said and I smiled.

"I really hope so," I replied and she winked at me again.

I had suffered through a beauty regiment that I never would do, I had eaten food that I never would have without seconds and now I was shoved into the dress that fit like a glove but was also uncomfortable. The stylist fussed here and there then stepped back, studying me.

"You look beautiful," she complimented and I smiled.

"I better if I'm doing this," I said and she laughed, looking to the door as it opened. He walked in his tux, looking absolutely gorgeous and annoyingly perfect. He stopped and let his eyes take me in.

"Stunning," he said and I rolled my eyes. "Really, you do, Frey," he assured and pulled me in, kissing me. "Is it bad that all I'm thinking about is getting you out of this dress?" he asked and I pushed against him.

"Yes, considering how long it took to get in the bloody thing," I muttered and pulled at the train, the stylist clucked her tongue.

"Be careful with that or you'll be buying it," she warned and I sighed.

"Are we leaving yet?" I asked and he glanced at his watch.

"Just about, you feeling all right?" he asked and I shrugged.

"I just want to get into a seat," I said and he nodded.

The red carpet was as crazy as the last one, he kept me at his side this time, I was his wife and he said the only place I belonged was by his side. I stepped back at some point to allow him solo shots and conversed with other people mingling on the carpet. I spoke with a few high profile celebs who were nothing but kind and sweet, as uncomfortable as they were. As I was talking to Margot Robbie, I felt a warm hand on the small of my back and knew it was him, he told her she looked beautiful. She thanked him and they exchanged a few words before we continued on our way.

At last, we were seated with a bunch of other celebs and I enjoyed the discourse between the table. The show went on for too long but I enjoyed it along with the alcohol. He was smarter this time and limited the drinks. We went to an after-party that he held onto my hand for most of it, keeping me at his side and introducing me as his wife to anyone who would care to know. I did the best I could for him, smiling for the cameras with the candid shots and being as polite as I could to anyone he introduced me to.


	23. Chapter 23

"So what are you doing with someone nearly twice your age anyway?" he asked and I looked up into his silver eyes. He was devastatingly handsome and I had no doubt he was someone in the world of entertainment or fashion.

"What?" I asked, caught off guard and he smiled, even his smile melted you.

"You're with him, right?" he asked, pointing across the room and I nodded. "He's nearly forty, isn't he?" he asked and looked back at me. "You don't look that old, not even close," he said. "How old are you?" he asked, leaning in the doorway with his drink in hand and I took him in. Tall, lanky, jeans, t-shirt and somehow made it look like the most expensive outfit in the world.

"Twenty," I said and he nodded.

"See? Twice your age," he replied and sipped out of his cup.

"I don't know what you're getting at," I replied shaking my head and looked back at my phone. I felt him sit beside me and inhaled a waft of expensive smelling cologne.

"I think you do," he countered and I looked up at him. "Consider me your hero," he said and I laughed.

"I think you came to the wrong housefire, I don't need saving," I answered and he smiled.

"You just haven't seen the smoke yet," he said and gazed into the party, I studied his profile.

"Who the fuck are you anyway?" I asked and he laughed softly.

"Myles Tully," he said turning his eyes on me again and even close up I couldn't find a goddamn flaw. "You are?" he asked.

"Freya," I replied, not giving my last name. He was amusing me and if he knew I was married, it might stop. "So you think my boyfriend is not good enough for me?" I asked and he made a face, shrugging.

"He's a handsome fella but too old," he said. "You need someone younger to show you how to get the job done," he explained and I laughed.

"Am I the job?" I asked and he grinned. "You're lacking a bit of romance there, Myles," I stated and he laughed.

"Not trying to romance ya, darling, romance is for forty-year-olds," he said and I laughed again.

"Who do you walk for?" he asked and I shook my head confused. "Dior? Givenchy?" he rattled off.

"Oh Jesus, I'm not a model," I said. "I wouldn't make it out onto the runway before falling on my face," I disagreed and he laughed.

"Sorry, you could definitely pass for one though," He said.

"So you're a model?" I asked and he nodded.

"I am," he agreed.

"Have I seen you in anything?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Just got signed," he said.

"I can see why," I murmured and he turned his eyes on me, a smile on his face. "I'm not afraid to tell you that you're a good looking guy, its something I am sure you know and have used to your advantage," I said and he grinned.

"Here and there," he replied and I rolled my eyes. "You're from America then?" he asked and I nodded.

"California to be exact," I said. "You're...Irish?" I asked, trying my best to decipher the accent and he smiled.

"Born and bred," he replied and I nodded. I looked up feeling a presence and stared into his blue eyes.

"You ready to go?" he asked and I nodded, standing.

"This is Myles," I began to introduce and he just gave him a short nod before escorting me from the room. "Well that was rude," I said and he shrugged.

"Not my problem," he replied and led me outside, smiling at a few passing people. He opened the door for me and I got in, he followed.

"Jesus, it's not like he was trying to fuck me or anything," I said and he laughed.

"You're oblivious, you don't see it," he said.

"He was just talking me up, nothing bad about that," I said and he nodded. "You're jealous, aren't you?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.

"Did you see him?" He asked looking back at me.

"I did," I said. "He was quite handsome," I complimented.

"Exactly, that's all I need, a handsome and younger than me man talking you up," he said and I laughed. I grabbed his hand and he looked at me.

"Will you stop it? Your age is one of the things that attracted me to you," I said and glanced at the driver then leaned into his ear. "I love to fuck daddies," I whispered. "I'll be your sugar baby forever," I murmured and saw the smile on his face.

"You're trouble," he said but squeezed my hand as he looked out the window and I smiled, that much was very obvious.

\----

It was the first day of the new month, my period had never shown up and I left one morning to my gyno. After I had given the pee sample, I was led to a room and a few moments later, a knock on the door came and she entered with her clipboard.

“Hey Freya, good to see you again,” she said and I smiled. “So we ran the tests and it turns out you are pregnant,” she said.

“Shit,” I stated, and she looked at me over the clipboard.

“I can see this is unexpected,” she said and I sighed.

“A little, how far along am I?” I asked.

“Well we’re going to do an ultrasound to figure that out,” she said. After another half hour, I left the office with an ultrasound of my two-and-a-half-month fetus in my hands. I got in my car and stared at it with the silence surrounding me. I stared at the little grey fuzzy that was my kid and shook my head.

“Where are you?” I texted him and waited, still staring at the picture.

“Gym, where are you,” he replied a few minutes later. I put the ultrasound on my lap and took a picture of it, including it in the text.

“Looking at your firstborn,” I replied and continued to stare at it. My phone rang within minutes and I grabbed it. ‘Yeah,” I said.

“What the fuck?” He asked and I sighed.

“Congratulations, you’re going to be a dad,” I announced.

“Frey, what the hell do you mean?” He asked.

“All those times you didn’t wear protection. Guess that had something to do with it,” I said.

“Shit,” he muttered “Fuck,” he said. “How are you?” He asked.

“I’m not sure I know,” I replied. “I mean, I’m a little mad at you but at the same time, staring at them,” I said and shook my head. “It's wild,” I said.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“Sitting in the parking lot of the gyno,” I said.

“Go home, I’ll meet you there,” he said.

“I will,” I said, and we hung up. I stared at the picture for a few more moments and then left the parking lot to return home. Pulling into the driveway, I saw his car and took the ultrasound, heading in. He met me at the door and for a minute we stared at each other, neither sure what to say. I lifted the ultrasound to him, and he took it, peering at it.

“It’s hard to make anything out,” he said, and I moved to his side.

“That’s the head, that’s the feet,” I pointed out and he quickly nodded, recognizing the features.

“I see them now, Jesus Christ,” he murmured, and I gazed at him as he studied the picture. I found my mind wandering, wondering if the baby would have his eyes or his hair. “Are you ok?” He asked, lowering the ultrasound and I nodded.

“I think I’m becoming better now,” I said, and he pulled me in, kissing my forehead. We continued to stare at the ultrasound for a few more minutes and then I felt his eyes on me.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“What else am I going to do?” I asked and he nodded, stroking his beard nervously.

“Fuck,” he muttered again, and I smiled, taking a seat at the kitchen island.

“I think you’re more upset than I am,” I said, and he sighed, shaking his head. He ran a hand through his hair, the waves lay perfectly upon his head, of course.

“No, just,’ he said and shrugged. “I settled into one type of lifestyle and now it’s all going to change,” He said and I nodded.

"You better believe its gonna change, but at least you always wanted this,” I answered and he nodded, still staring at the ultrasound. “I set up my next appointment, I don’t know if you’re going to be around,” I said and he looked up to meet my eyes.

“When is it?” he asked.

“In three weeks,” I said and I saw the wheels turning, trying to remember his schedule.

“I don’t think I’m leaving for anything just yet,” he said and looked back to the ultrasound. “When are you due?” he asked.

“October,” I said, and he nodded.

The next few days was the adjustment period for him. He had to come to terms that he was going to be a dad and by the third day, he called his parents. They were over the moon for him, they had been waiting long enough on him and demanded to meet me. I had been putting off meeting his parents for a long time, it was easy to do as they didn’t live nearby but now, I knew I had to bite the bullet.

The visit to the doctor came quickly. He was ready to go a half-hour before the appointment and as we walked into the waiting room, I garnered more attention than I had when I first came in. Women’s eyes were on him, the intake woman’s eyes were on him and we were escorted back quickly to avoid any kind of interruption to the quiet room. I sat while he stood, studying the pictures on the wall and there was a knock on the door, the doctor entered. The pair made their introductions and then we were onwards to the rest of the appointment. His smile was wide when he heard the heartbeat and then we went over other things. As we left, he grasped my hand tightly and opened the door for me.

“So what do you think?” I asked as we drove.

“About?” he asked.

“Boy or girl?” I asked and he sighed.

“Honestly, I don’t care either way,” He said, and I smiled.

“You want a boy,” I decided, and he laughed.

“It’s every father’s desire to have a boy but at the same time,” he said with an easy shrug. “It won’t matter, they’ll be who they are, and I’ll love them all the same,” he replied and I smiled.

“That’s the first time since all this happened that I truly have felt this was going to be okay,” I said, and he smiled.

“You shouldn’t worry about that, your only job is making sure our baby is healthy and I take care of the rest,” he said and I nodded. In all my life I had never known if I wanted kids, I always assumed I would screw them up like my dad had me when he committed suicide but I was beginning to think things would be different, that he would make a far better father than mine did.

I flew out with him to meet his parents; they were lovely people and very sweet to me. They welcomed me into their home and their family, his brothers even came out to see me. It was a chaotic first meeting, but I had to admit I liked it. My family consisted of me and my mom. His was large and lively.

We returned home and I sunk gratefully into our bed. He fell in beside me and we stared at the ceiling for a while quietly.

“Do you want to keep living here?” he asked and I looked to him.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Do you want to live here or buy a different house?” he asked and I looked back to the ceiling, I hadn’t thought of that. “Seriously though, I won’t mind either way,” he said and I smiled.

“I always imagined raising my kid on the beach if I had one, learning to surf at six like I did, painting on the beach while they played in the sand,” I said and I looked back at him. “Is that stupid?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Not at all,” he promised and I nodded.

“What about you?” I asked and he sighed heavily.

“I imagined having a family but I don’t think my mind ever went as far as where I would raise them,” he said.

“Do you want to live closer to your family?” I asked and he smiled.

“It would be nice but not too close,” he said and I laughed. “They can be a bit much sometimes,” he explained and I nodded, I understood what he meant after meeting them. “But close enough we can spend birthdays and holidays together,” he said and I nodded. “But your mom lives here,” he stated.

“She does but she’s one woman,” I said. “I can fly her out but your family would take a lot more tickets,” I said and he snickered, nodding.

“They would,’ he agreed. “So are you saying you’d move there for me?” he asked.

“Why not? I like your family, I like the history and,” I said, rolling on my side. “For some wild reason, I like you,” I said and he smiled at me, I kissed him. “As much as I have tried to hate your stupid beautiful face,” I said and he laughed, kissing me again.

We made the decision to move there and in my fifth month of pregnancy, we began the huge move. His money was helpful, it made things easier than if we had none and were trying to do it. My mom was slightly heartbroken but when I promised her endless trips over there, she cheered up a bit. He flew over to start scouting properties and called me, sounding excited about one in particular. He had Facetimed me as he walked in and showed me everything it had.

“23 hectares, 7 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, 2 guest cottages so when your mum comes she can have her own privacy, tennis court, gym, indoor swimming pool and squash court, plus!” he said and turned the camera so I could see the land. “Gardens, wildlife lake, and a Japanese water garden,” he announced and turned the camera back to him. “That makes for some serious inspiration with your painting,” he said and I Laughed.

“Are you serious? That place is huge!” I exclaimed.

“It is but it’s perfect. Gated, all the privacy we need,” he said.

“But do we really need 7 bedrooms?” I asked.

“It’s perfect, each kid shares one bedroom, we’ll have plenty,” he stated and I snorted.

“How many kids are you planning for us?” I asked and he smiled, glancing down to the camera.

“Fourteen sounds about right.” He said and I laughed.

“Oh I think you are dreaming on that one,” I said and he smiled.

“Fine, six,” he said and I smiled, shaking my head. “What do you think?” he asked and I sighed.

“If you like it, babe,” I said and his grin got wider.

“I really do, I always wanted to be lord of my own manor,” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“How much does this cost?” I asked and he smiled again. “Oh god, how much?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about the price,” he said.

“I don’t even want to know,” I murmured and he shook his head.

“You really don’t,” he said and I sighed. “I’m going to have a word with the agent and I’ll call you back when I’m done,” he said.

“All right, please don’t buy the furnishings as well,” I said and he looked at me nervously.

“I love you,” he said.

“Did you already buy them!” I exclaimed but he hung up and I rolled my eyes again. He was always a man of luxury but he worked his ass off to have them, I couldn’t really argue. It just seemed a bit much and I was hoping I would fit into his expensive world.


	24. Chapter 24

“Good morning,” a voice whispered. My eyes blinked in the shattered morning light as it bled through the blinds on the window, I tried to focus on the room around me and rolled on my back, gazing at the face hanging over me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, confused and he smiled, kissing me.

“I came to get you,” he replied and placed a hand on my stomach that was constantly growing alongside his child. “I knew you wouldn’t come without a push,” he said and kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close to me, inhaling his delicious scent.

“You’re right,” I agreed and released him, he sat back on his heels. “I missed you,” I said, and he smiled again, kissing my hand.

“I missed you, your home is ready for you,” he replied, and I smiled.

“You mean my castle?” I asked and he laughed, shaking his head.

“It’s not that big,” He replied, and I rolled my eyes, sitting up. He rubbed my back as I sat on the edge of the bed and I rose, shuffling to the bathroom. Exiting, I gazed at him seated on the end of my bed and I smiled, moving towards him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him lovingly.

“As long as you’re with me, I’ll love it,” I said and he smiled, kissing me again.

“Let’s get going then,” he said and picked me up, I shouted in surprise. “This your bag?” he asked, pointing to it on the floor and I nodded. He reached down while balancing me in his arms and grabbed it, carrying me out of my room. “Did you say goodbye to your mother already?” he asked.

“No, I was planning on doing that this morning,” I replied, and he redirected us to the kitchen where we heard my mom clattering around.

“Good morning,” he said, and she turned, focusing on him.

“Good morning!” she purred, setting own the dishes and he placed me down on the ground.

“We came to say goodbye,” he said, and she sighed, placing her hands on her hips.

“You’re really leaving me, huh?” she asked, her gaze on me and I rolled my eyes.

“Mom, I told you I will fly you out and you’ll be there for the baby’s birth,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her, she returned the embrace as she rubbed my back.

“I know, I know, it’s just been us for so long,” she said and pulled back, holding my gaze. “I’m happy for you, for both of you though, I truly am, and I cannot wait to meet my grandchild,” she said, rubbing my belly and I smiled.

“They can’t wait to meet you either, I bet,” I answered and pulled her in for another hug. She moved to him and he hugged her just as warmly.

“Take care of my baby, she’s all I have,” she pleaded looking up at him and he nodded.

“I will, I promise,” he agreed, and she smiled, patting his arm.

“I know you will, it’s the only reason I’m alright with her going,” she said and backed away. “You two should get going, I don’t think I will be this willing in a few minutes,” she said, and I smiled, hugging her. I took his hand and we walked from the house to the waiting car. The driver took my bag and put it in the back, I stepped in the car. He moved in after me and took my hand, kissing it. I gazed out the window at the house I had known as my home for years and he rolled down the window so I could wave goodbye to my mom who was standing on the front step. As we pulled away, I felt the emotions of the day and the hormones of pregnancy take over, tears started falling down my face. He held my hand and rubbed my back lovingly as we drove to the airport.

Seated on the plane, I stared as the ground disappeared from below us and we rose above the clouds, the morning sun cascading across the cloud surfaces. It was beautiful but it was hard to enjoy, there was so much melancholy filling me at that moment.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's the only one around,  
> And she's turning off the lights.  
> And she's inside every crack,  
> She's the only thing in sight.  
> She's the only one I see  
> And she's flying through the air  
> She's the dust upon the sill  
> She's everywhere  
> And she's breaking up the line  
> And she's sitting in the rain  
> She's the trailer for a film  
> She's the curtain at the end  
> -The Japanese House-

He promised he would be back before the baby was born, told me that there was no way he would miss the birth, but babies are sporadic, I had no idea how he was going to assure that. He left me on a Tuesday morning, flying off to Austria to begin filming the second season of his series and left me alone in a house that overwhelmed me. I spent my extra time, which there was plenty, in the gardens painting and trying to push the demons from my mind, they came out to play when all I had was silence surrounding me. The nursery was painted, which had taken me a week and I was now satisfied with it. We had decided to wait for the reveal of the baby’s sex and had gone with neutral colours instead.

It was late in the night, the storm had been raging since before I fell asleep, but it had only picked up, the thunder booming shook the house. The pain in my sides was intense and I struggled to sit up in bed, breathing carefully. My mom was due to fly out in a week and I was alone for now. I grabbed my cell phone from the bedside table, calling him and waited through the rings.

“Hello?” he asked, sounding as though he had been asleep.

“It’s time, “I whispered.

“Freya? Its time? Where are you?” he asked, I could hear the panic in his voice and realized I wouldn’t get any sort of comfort from him.

“At home, what do I do?” I asked.

“Just get comfortable and breathe, I’ll call the midwife,” he said. “I’ll call you right back,” He said and hung up. I groaned and let my head fall back on the headboard, trying to remember the breathing patterns we had learned.

He did call me back, told me the midwife was on her way and that he wouldn’t hang up until he was sure I was taken care of. He told me that he would fly out as soon as we hung up and true to his word, when the midwife showed up, he hung up with me. She was patient, her words were kind and the labor easy for the first time. Within four hours I had given birth to Gustave Vérany, both first and middle name dedicated to my father. He was adorable and I couldn’t stop staring at him as I held him close. He was 7lbs 6oz and 22” long. I didn’t know where his father was in matters of transport, so I didn’t text him or call him, but I had the midwife take photographs to show him when he did arrive.

I was asleep when I heard footsteps outside the door and I woke slowly, peering at it. The door pushed open, letting light into the room and his tall figure entered. I smiled and sat up in bed, glancing over at the bassinet where Gus slept.

“Did I wake you?” he asked as he made his way quickly across the room and leaned down kissing me.

“No, its fine,” I said and pointed to the bassinet. He walked over, leaning down and gazed at the small life inside. “Meet your son,” I said, and he looked up at me.

“My son?” he asked, and I nodded, he looked back down. I could quickly see the love that radiated from him for his first-born son and he shook his head. “This is insane,” he said, and I smiled. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” he said moving to me and took my hand, kissing my knuckles as he sat down.

“It’s okay, he wasn’t supposed to be born for another week,” I replied, and he smiled.

“I’m so proud of you,” he complimented, and I smiled again.

“I’m in love with him,” I stated, and he nodded, looking at the bassinet.

“Me too,” he agreed.

His parents came up the next day and were in love with their grandson, telling us how handsome he was. My mom boarded a flight that morning to meet him and would be there by the afternoon, I knew how eager she was. This was her first and only grandchild, I also knew it was painful for her. She was doing what she should have been doing with my dad and it was just another reminder that he wasn’t there.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off Gus with his dad, he coddled him every single day and got up most nights to take care of him, to help him go back to sleep. He waited on me hand and foot, making sure I was comfortable. The midwife came in to see me and make sure I was healing well. My mom, when she arrived, took over meals and cleaning, though we had hired a lovely older woman to do the cleaning. She would often be chased out of the kitchen, the woman telling her to enjoy her new grandson and she wouldn’t argue, happy to sit in the armchair in the sun with him.

It was nearly six weeks later, Gus was growing well, a hungry boy and all engagements had been put off for his father. My mom had flown back home, and his parents returned to their home. I had started to realize I was feeling sadder every day and that though I loved Gus, he wasn’t helping me either. I sought a therapist, without telling anyone and it was a rainy Tuesday when I walked down to the office. I shut my umbrella as I entered the building and went to the check-in desk. The blonde woman slid the window open and I smiled.

“I have a one o’clock with Dr. Gaffney?” I asked and the woman glanced at her computer.

“Yes, she will be with you shortly, please, have a seat,” she offered, and I took the seat against the back wall, away from everyone else. Within fifteen minutes, the door opened and a pretty, 40 something woman peered out.

“Freya?” she asked, our gaze making contact and I nodded, standing. She let me by her and followed me down the hall. “Right in there,” she directed. I entered a warm, cosy-looking parlors type room and sat in one of the overstuffed chairs, she sat in the other. “I’m glad to meet you and I hope I am able to help,” she said as she sat, and I smiled. “What’s going on?” she asked and leaned back.

“I just had a baby, about six weeks ago,” I began, and she nodded. “I love him, more than I love myself or my husband,” I began. “And my husband is one of the most understanding and loving men I could ask for,” I said and shook my head. “But it all feels just a little too…” I trailed trying to find the right words. “Perfect,” I said and looked up at her, she nodded.

“Do you feel sad one or more days?” she asked.

“Every day,” I said, and she smiled sympathetically. “It's like, I think I can escape it and I try but, nothing helps,” I said shrugging.

“Freya, it's very common to feel despondent after a birth, a lot of women deal with this and it called postpartum depression,” she said. “I need to ask though, have you had thoughts of self-harm?” she asked.

“No, surprisingly, I’ve suffered from depression my whole life, my dad committed suicide when I was younger so it runs in my family but I haven’t had any thoughts of suicide, all I keep thinking about is that it would leave Gus behind without a mother,” I said.

“That’s good,” she said. “It means you’re able to talk yourself off the ledge,” she said. We spoke at length, she gave me tips on how to help myself more and said that it was normal, that I should not feel guilty about it. “You should inform your husband about your thoughts though, he can’t help and support you if he doesn’t know what you’re dealing with,” she said.

“I know, I just don’t want to upset him,” I said.

“Well I think personally from what you’ve told me, that he’d want to know,” she said, and I nodded.

Returning home, I found him seated in the Livingroom, feet up on the ottoman and Gus in his arms asleep. He was watching football from America and looked over as I entered.

“Where’d you go off to?” he asked, and I smiled, sitting on the leather couch across from him.

“I went to a therapist,” I said, and his eyebrows raised. “I was going to tell you, but I wanted to see what she had to say first,” I explained.

“And?” he asked.

“She says its postpartum depression and that it’s perfectly normal,” I said, and he nodded. “But she told me to tell you, she said it’d be better for you to know so you could support me,” I said.

“Yeah, I’m glad she did, why didn’t you mention this at all?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“You were so happy with Gus and everything else, I didn’t want to ruin it,” I said, and he shook his head.

“Freya, I care about you, I want to know what’s going on with you and if you’re not happy, I need to know,” he said, and I nodded.

“I realize that now, she said it was good that I never thought about suicide,” I said, and he nodded. “It is, Frey,” he agreed, and I smiled. “Please, don’t keep me out of things, I’m your husband and as selfish as I can be, I always want to know what’s going on with you,” he said.

“I know, I’m sorry,” I apologized, and he reached out his free hand for me, I took it. He pulled me onto the armrest of the seat, wrapping an arm around my waist and I leaned down to kiss him.

“I love you, you stupid fuck and if you’re not happy, I’m not happy,” he said and I smiled, kissing him again. “it’s my job to protect you and him,” he said, and we looked down to the sleeping Gus.

“If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I’m failing at my job,” he said, and I sighed.

“I know, I know, I will tell you from now on,” I said. “seeing him though, it somehow makes me happy no matter what,” I said, and he nodded.

“I understand that,” he agreed. 


	26. Chapter 26

It was our first night out after the baby was born, I was in my sixth week of therapy and felt it was helping tremendously. I had felt happier daily and was able to appreciate what I had. To reward him for being so supportive, I dressed up to the nines in a form-fitting sequin red dress that dipped low in the back and with breastfeeding, my breasts were more voluptuous than before. He was waiting for me down in the front hall and stared as I came down. He was dressed in a white tuxedo jacket with a white rose pinned to it and I had to admit, he was more handsome as a dad than anything else.

“Fuck,” he murmured and I smiled.

“Do you like it?” I questioned as I stopped before him and he gazed down at me.

“You know I do,” he replied and leaned over kissing me lovingly. “I think we should just forget about this event,” he said and kissed down my neck. “Start on number two,” he whispered and I laughed.

“I’m actually looking forward to this,” I said and he sighed, nodding as he pulled back. 

“Of course,” he replied and took my hand, we left.

I was leaned against the bar, waiting for my drink and looked back to where I had left him. The crowd parted and my gaze focused on him in the booth tucked against the tall window. He had his charming smile on and his eyes were fastened to me, as though he had been looking at me the entire time. I returned the smile but was interrupted by the bartender, pushing my mimosa across the bar.

“Thank you,” I said and took it, walking towards him. “Are you here alone?” I asked and he rolled his eyes with a smile on his face, moving my purse for me.

“Just sit down,” he replied and I laughed, cuddling into his arm.

“You really do look gorgeous,” he said and kissed me.

“So do you,” I replied and he smiled. “Don’t you see the way all these women are looking at you?” I asked and he looked around the room. “Even some of the men,” I said, leaning in and he rolled his eyes again.

“Stop,” he replied and I smiled. I ran my hand down his thigh beneath the table and he jumped slightly when my hand rested on his cock.

“You know I can’t,” I replied and continued to rub on him as I gazed around the room, I felt it hardening with my touch. I glanced up at him and saw him struggling to remain neutral in his expression, I smiled.

He pushed me through the front door, I stumbled slightly but he caught me before I fell. He kicked the door shut and swooped his arm beneath my knees, carrying me up the stairs.

“Don’t forget about the nanny,” I murmured as he kissed me and he sighed heavily but pulled away. He disappeared from the room and I shimmied out of the dress, laying back on the bed. I heard him saying good night to the nanny and the front door closing. He entered the room and stopped seeing me in my lingerie, a sharp intake of breath.

“Hell,” he muttered and was quickly over me, kissing me. “We’re making another one tonight, I promise you that,” he said and I smiled.

“Just shut up and fuck me,” I commanded and he growled eagerly.

——

He was off on another set filming and I was left behind with a growing baby. I hired a nanny to give me a hand, I had no idea how single mothers never mind moms did without one, I was grateful for being able to afford one. He would call me nightly, soon though his calls began to get infrequent and I pushed the worries from my mind, assuming he was filming late.

I would send him pictures of Gus and he would reply to them.

He returned when Gus was 8 months old, absolutely still enamoured with him and was as loving as he had been to me before, I chalked it up to long days on set why he had acted like that before.

I was flying out to California with Gus to spend some time with my mom and he saw me off at the gate, telling me to call him when we landed. My mom met us at the airport and swept Gus into her arms, showering him with kisses.

I was laid out on a chaise lounge on the deck, enjoying the warm Californian sun and Gus was with my mom at the beach. My phone dinged and I picked it up, expecting a text from him. Instead, it was my security system

“PIR Motion Detected: Motion has been detected by the camera at the front door.” I studied it and then tapped it, typing in my code. The camera popped up but there was no one there. I clicked back and went through the other screens. I stopped on the front hall video and stared in disbelief. He was there, in sweats and a t-shirt, barefoot. He had some girl pressed against the wall and they were kissing as though they hadn’t seen each other in weeks. I stared as he pulled her legs around his waist and carried her into the living room. I debated switching the camera but shook my head, it wasn’t worth the effort. I put my phone down and stared into the horizon, trying to comprehend it all. He had been cheating on me, that’s why he hadn’t responded to all my phone calls and text messages.

“You alright?” my mom asked, surprising me as I hadn’t heard him coming up the steps and I looked to Gus who reached out for me. I took him and held him in my lap. I picked up my phone again and switched the camera, handing it to my mom. She gasped and stared at it. “That bastard,” she muttered. “Freya, I am so sorry, what are you going to do?” she asked and I shook my head.

“I don’t know, I didn’t even suspect this once but now it all makes sense,” I said and kissed Gus’ hair. “I thought we were happy,” I said and looked up at her, she looked at me from the screen. “I don’t know what happened,” I said and after a moment, stood with Gus. “I need to fly back, will you watch Gus for me?” I asked and she took him.

“Of course I will, but what are you going to do when you get there?” she asked and I shook my head, running my hand through my hair.

“Fucking kill him,” I said and disappeared in the house to pack.

I stood at the door for a few moments and then typed in the code, entering the house. I heard moaning, groaning and music from out back. I made my way through the house and to the back patio, stopping short. She was on top of him riding him as he groaned and smacked her ass. I stayed where I was and she must have felt my gaze, she looked in my direction. She screamed and nearly fell off him, he looked over.

“Freya!” he shouted, grabbing her and throwing her to the other chair. He stood and started coming towards me as he pulled up his pants but I shook my head, marching back into the house. “Freya! Wait! Wait!” he shouted but I laughed.

“Why? Wait for you to come up with some bullshit excuse?” I asked and crossed my arms.

“It just happened, I swear to God, Freya,” he said and I snorted.

“I’m sure it did, she just fell on your cock, didn’t she?” I asked and started up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” he asked from the main floor.

“I’m packing my stuff and I’m leaving!” I shouted over my shoulder and heard him sprinting up the stairs.

“Freya! Can we just talk first!” he exclaimed and I slammed the bedroom door in response. He opened it as I entered our walk-in closet and slammed that door. “Freya!” he called out entering and shutting the door behind him, I heard the lock turn. “Freya, stop,” he said, grabbing my arm but I pulled it away.

“How could you? I trusted every fucking thing you told me! Everything!” I yelled, tears now obvious and he went to hold my shoulders.

“Freya, I swear to God I didn’t do this to hurt you,” he said.

“No? Why did you do it?” I asked and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“She was there for the long nights on set and I missed you, she helped me release that tension,” he said.

“So then when I left you decided to fly her out here?” I asked and he shook his head.

“No, she lives here,” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“Of fucking course she does!” I yelled. “I really don’t get this, I really don’t,” I said and he stared at me.

“What are you going to do?” he asked and I gazed up at him, studying his beautiful blue eyes that his son shared.

“I’m divorcing you,” I said.

“Freya, please, no, no,” he said and reached out for me but pulled back when I did. “I will do anything to make this up, anything,” he pleaded and dropped to his knees before me, I stared down at him.

“No, I can’t, once a cheater, always a cheater,” I said and grabbed my bag, throwing clothing in it. “I’m leaving you and there’s nothing else to do,” I said and he stood in front of the door as I started for it. “Get out of my way,” I demanded.

“No, not until you listen to me,” he said and I gaze at him.

“Listen to you what? Tell me that you will never do it again? That it was a fluke thing?” I asked. “My mom heard all this shit before with my dad when he cheated on her but she was much kinder than me, she stayed,” I said. “I have enough of my own fucked up shit to deal with yours, get the fuck out of my way,” I said and pushed him, he stepped back. I unlocked the door and stormed out.

I flew back to my mom and holed up there with Gus, ignoring his phone calls. I was livid, I was betrayed and I was stubborn, three things that wouldn’t work in his favour. I was done with him and there wasn’t much he could do. All I could see in my mind when I saw his face was her face and that wouldn’t be easy to erase.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I still look back at all the messages you'd sent  
> And I know it wasn't right, but it was fucking with my head  
> And everything deleted like the past, yeah, it was gone  
> And when I touched your face, I could tell you're moving on  
> But it's not the fact that you kissed him yesterday  
> It's the feeling of betrayal, that I just can't seem to shake And everything I know tells me that I should walk away  
> But I just wanna stay.  
> -Dean Lewis-

It had been six months since that day, six months of reassessing my life and finding who I was without him. Gus was now a year, walking and learning words. He had my blonde hair, his blue eyes and the joy of any toddler. I had done my best to make sure Gus saw his father as much as I could but it would all be done through the nanny, I didn’t want to see him. I hadn’t seen him in that time, I had arranged for my items to be moved out, Sarah flew out to see they were packed properly and she told me he had sat on the couch the entire time, despondent. That he seemed like a completely lost and broken man. I didn’t care, I was more hurt than I had ever been hurt before. I had two men in my life that I had trusted and they both had betrayed me now. My paintings had taken on more edge and darkness after that, I even managed to sell one to a collector of my dad’s work. I got a separate phone and used my old phone to contact him, only to contact him. I also blocked him on IG, making my page private and culling my followers to those who I knew intimately. Our separation was thrown into the press four months after, when someone within our contacts sold the story and I disappeared, even more, trying to avoid the press. He had to deal with it and head-on.

It was his turn for visiting with Gus and I sent him off with the nanny. I went with my friends to a party nearby and was seated on the couch, enjoying a drink. I looked up as I felt eyes on me and stared at him in the doorway.

“Myles?” I asked as he came over. He had more finesse now, looked more polished and he smiled at me.

“I thought I’d run into you again,” he said with his Irish accent and I smiled, standing as we hugged. “You still with the old man?” he asked.

“No, no we separated,” I said stepping back and he smiled.’

“Good, you deserve much better and younger,” he said and I smiled.

It was two drinks in and late at night when I followed him out of the party, hand in hand. I let him bring me back to his place and for the first time in 3 years, slept with another man. He was an attentive lover but his body was different, he was muscular but not as big. I enjoyed my night and then left him asleep, returning home.

It was 9 am when my phone rang, not my new phone but the old one. I looked at it and saw his contact on the screen. I sighed debating on whether I should answer him or not. I couldn’t think of anything he would be upset about so I took the chance.

“Hello?” I asked.

“So you’ve moved on,” he said and I paused, trying to decipher what he was talking about.

“From what?” I asked.

“Me, Freya, I saw the pictures,” he said.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked as I sat up and he sighed.

“Of you and that kid from way back when,” he said.

“Wait, how the hell did you see any pictures?” I asked and he sighed again.

“I do have an Instagram account,” he said.

“Okay, but are you following him?” I asked.

“No, but since you’re married to me, you inherit my fame and so when a picture of you with some other guy pops up on Instagram, it tends to garner attention,” he said.

“So, what is the picture of?” I asked.

“It's you and him kissing, making out,” he said and I thought to the night before, I couldn’t remember making out with him in public.

“Okay but we’re separated,” I said.

“True but we’re not divorced,” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“Close enough,” I answered.

“So you’re planning on divorcing me then,” he said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Maybe because you love me?” he asked and I smiled.

“And my loving you didn’t help when you cheated on me so why would I care?” I asked.

“Freya, I told you, it was because I was lonely, that’s all it was,” he said.

“Yeah, see, I can believe that if it ended on set but it didn’t, you brought her into our family home,” I said. “What you did to me is something only one man has ever done before you,” I said. “You broke my heart and only my dad has been able to do that,” I said and there was a pause, I knew that hit him like a ton of bricks. “So yeah, I’m going to divorce you and I’m going to put you behind me, the only reminder in my life of you will be Gus and you will be damn lucky if I don’t take half of everything you fucking own, I’m going to be that bitch because you made me that bitch,” I said.

“I...” he began but his words fell off.

“So if you’re going to call me, call me about Gus and nothing else, my life no longer concerns you,” I said and hung up, throwing the phone on the floor. The pain that echoed in me during the conversation as well as after told me I still sincerely loved him and I was nowhere near the pinnacle of getting over him, that I had no intention of divorcing him just yet. I really wanted to see him suffer through.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I fuckin' hate you  
> But I love you just the same  
> You tear my heart out  
> In just the perfect way  
> So fuckin' twisted, the way I play your game  
> But I can't help it  
> I love you just the same  
> -Charlotte Lawrence-

It was a fluke thing, I had decided at the last minute to attend the event with Myles, we had stayed in contact and though I refused to date him, I agreed to go as a friend. My mom was happy to watch Gus who was back with me and we were off in his Mercedes. I remember every second of it distinctly because it was so much like a goddamn movie, it weirded me out. It was within minutes I felt eyes on me, some friendly and some unknown. I searched the room while he guided me in and that’s when my gaze found him. He was standing in the middle of the room, talking to a few people and looking dashingly handsome as always. My eyes locked onto his and they stayed there as I let Myles blindly guide me. I looked back and tried to ignore him, but I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my back.

“I need a drink,” I whispered to Myles and he nodded, leading me to the bar. We ordered our drinks and sat on the bar stools, waiting for them.

“What’s wrong?” Myles asked, resting a hand on my thigh and I shook my head. “Frey, I know you by now,” he said, and I knew that was true. We had more in common than we thought, and our friendship proved stronger than our romantic interest.

“He’s here,” I said, and he looked at me then looked over his shoulder, studying the room.

“Shit,” he said recognizing him quickly and looked back to me. “Do you want to go?” he asked, and I shook my head.

“Fuck no, I’m not going to run away just because he is here,” I said, and Myles nodded. We took our drinks and thanked the bartender.

“Let me know what you need,” he said, his eyes on someone behind me and I nodded. A woman came over squealing his name and he stood up, smiling to embrace her. He introduced me as his friend, and they were off on a conversation I had no interest in. He stood behind me and I half-listened to their conversation, zoning out as I drank.

“Hi,” his voice came. Pure as anything and tinged with that sexy British accent, I looked fearfully to the figure that had leaned against the bar in front of me. He was handsome, as always and it aggravated me. I wanted to find one flaw in his looks so I could hate him on that but there was none. He knew his style and knew his body, everything on him looked like it was tailored for him.

“Hi,” I responded as coldly as I could, not wanting to push any sort of idea into his head and he looked to the bartender who came over. He ordered his drink and then continued to stare at the bottles behind the bar.

“I thought of a thousand ways to approach you, a thousand words to say to you but none of them seems right now that I’m standing here,” he said and looked at me, I studied him. I didn’t know how to respond; I didn’t know what he wanted from me and I certainly didn’t know what I wanted from me never mind him. “I’ve missed you, Freya,” he said at last and I lowered my eyes, too nervous to meet his gaze. We fell silent and he sighed, at last, taking his drink. He stood and I felt his eyes on me still. “Can we talk?” he asked, and I looked up at him again.

“Aren’t we talking?” I asked and he looked away, annoyed.

“I mean away from here,” he said, and I shook my head.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, I’m here with someone and I can’t just leave him,” I said and his eyes rose to Myles who was still talking behind me but I felt he had moved closer to me, to give me silent solidarity.

“Him?” he asked, and I nodded, he sighed. He stood there awkwardly in all his large muscular godliness and at last, his blue eyes were on me again. “You still wear my ring,” he said, and I looked at my ring finger then at him, the drink was suddenly making me braver.

“Still use your last name but that doesn’t mean I still love you,” I said, and his eyebrows raised.

“Fuck,” he muttered, I knew it had been rude and cold, but I didn’t care. “So, you’re really going to divorce me?” he asked and I stared at him. We had this conversation on the phone, and it was easier because I wasn’t looking at him.

“You made that choice,” I said, and he sighed.

“Freya, I’ve apologized a thousand times for that, sent you twenty bouquets of flowers, done everything I can to make up for it but I can’t redeem myself if you won’t let me,” he said and I shrugged.

“Hardly see how that’s my problem,” I replied, and he shook his head. “I think you need me more than I need you,” I said, and he gazed at me, his eyes boring into me. I stood and held his gaze, braver in that moment then I had been in the past months. “You kissed another woman and not just for work, you took the woman into your bed and did what you had promised only to do with me, you even brought her into the home that we made together, I don’t ever see how I can get over this shit,” I said and went to leave, he grabbed my arm.

“Freya, if you walk away now, it’s done,” he said, and I pulled my arm from his grip.

“Then let it be done already, I’ve been begging for it for months,” I said and marched over to the bathroom, shutting myself in a stall. Five minutes later I heard the door open and sighed, the worst thing is crying in a public bathroom stall.

“Frey, he’s gone,” Myles said, and I wiped my eyes. “Come out, Frey,” he said. “I’ll come in if you don’t come out,” he said, and I smiled. I opened the door and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in. “I’m sorry, I had no idea he was going to be here,” he said.

“I know, it's just so intense,” I said.

“I get that, he seems like a really intense guy,” he said, and I pulled back, going to the mirror. I cleaned my make up and turned back to him.

“Look, my mom has Gus for the night, and I need something, you in?” I asked and he studied me.

“What’s something?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“Drinks, something to make me feel alive,” I said, and he smiled, pulling me back into him.

“Alcohol and sex, you’ve got it,” he said, and I laughed.

“Sex? I don’t think I said that,” I stated as we made our way out of the bathroom and he kissed the top of my head.

“But you didn’t say it,” he countered, and I smiled, laying my head on his shoulder as we walked out. Myles had quickly become a comfort thing for me, he listened to my long-winded speeches of hatred and was always the one calming me down, bringing me off my soapbox.

I woke up the next morning in my own bed with no Myles and pulled myself out, going into the shower. I needed something warm and it did the job. Going back in my room, I grabbed my cell phone off the bedside table and glanced at the old phone that was plugged into the wall. The light blinked to let me know it had notifications and I sighed, debating. At last, I picked it up and pressed the home button.

“Send me the papers when you sign them,” was his only text and I threw the phone on the table. I didn’t want to divorce him; I fucking loved the asshole as much as I fought against it, but I had a hard time trusting him. He would go on more sets, more trips and I couldn’t follow him everywhere, I had no idea how to trust him again.

Over the next few weeks, I began to see him more and more on celeb rags. He was hand in hand with some young-looking blonde who resembled me, and they seemed to be in some type of relationship. I wondered how much of it was true and how much of it was fabricated. He was the type of guy that would get into a relationship for PR and appearances. The nanny was preparing to bring Gus to him, and I asked her to get the scoop for me, covertly though. She returned later in the afternoon.

“So?” I asked.

“I don’t think it’s a real relationship,” she said. “She wasn’t there at his house when I dropped Gus off and there’s no obvious sign that she has stayed at his place, I think it what you think it is,” she said, and I nodded. “Does that make you feel better?” she asked, and I sighed.

“Nothing makes me feel better,” I replied, and she smiled sympathetically. I found my mom in the kitchen, designing some new disgusting smoothie to lose weight and fell into the seat by the island.

“What’s going on with you?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder and I shook my head. “When your father cheated on me, I hated him more than I hated anyone else,” she began. “I couldn’t comprehend how he would do that to me, knowingly hurt me and I wanted him dead,” she said. “But I also realized soon that I didn’t want him dead, that I didn’t hate him and that made me hate him more,” she said, and I smiled, I understood that. “He did all the things men do when they screw up, he did his best to woo me back and it was after a few months I realized that was telling me what I needed to know about him,” she said and turned the blender on. After a few minutes, she poured it out and turned to look at me. “The fact that he tried relentlessly to make it up, to apologize and to get me back,” she said. “Men are dumb, Freya, they think more with their dicks than their brains and its something we will never understand as women.” She continued and reached out, holding my hand “But I never doubted once during that time that your father loved me, he made it obvious in his constant pursuit of me, even when I told him to fuck off, he was back at my doorstep the next morning,” she said.

“But I can’t trust him,” I said, and she nodded.

“I understand that, but you have to at least let him try to gain your trust back, he’s the father of your child,” she said. “When you see him do you still feel anything?” she asked.

“Too much,” I said, and she smiled.

“I’m not telling you to forgive him completely for what he did, I’m telling you to let him try to make it up to you, see how far he will go to make you trust him again and if he stops trying after a few months, then you’ll have your answer on if he truly cares,” she said and I sighed. “It's not worth throwing it all away without even trying,” she pushed.

“I know but…I just hate him so much right now,” I said.

“Right now, but that will change, the more he proves himself, the more you will love him again,” she said. “You’ll remember that love you two had before all of this,” she said, and I sighed.

“And if I don’t, I can come live with you again,” I said and she smiled.

“Of course, trust me, I want you and Gus to stay here forever but you need to do this,” she said, and I nodded.

After breakfast, I went up to my room and took my old phone off the charger. I unlocked it and pressed his contact information, starting the phone call.

“Hello?” he asked, sounding confused.

“Hi,” I said.

“Freya?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah it's me,” I said.

“You’re calling me,” he stated.

“I know, I wanted to meet with you to have a coffee,” I said and there was a long pause.

“Alright,” he began. “Where?” he asked.

“I don’t know, you choose the place,” I said.

“Uh, why don’t you just come over here?” he asked.

“Where is here?” I asked.

“My house, Gus is here with me and it’s more private,” he said, and I paused, trying to assert if it would be wise.

“Sure,” I said and we hung up. I dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, nervously trying to fix my hair. At last I gave up and headed downstairs.

“You are going?” my mom asked as I entered the kitchen to grab a water and I nodded. “Let him talk, Freya,” she said, and I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious, you’re pig-headed,” she stated and hugged me. “Let him have some of the conversation,” she said, and I nodded. I headed out into the warm Californian sun and got into my Jeep, heading down the street with the directions pulled up.

I pulled up to a beautiful mansion and smiled, of course. I got out and started up the front walk, the door opened. He stood there in a tight-fitting white shirt and jeans, bare feet.

“You’re really starting to fit in here,” I said as I reached him and he smiled, glancing down at himself.

“Hard not to,” he said and pecked my cheek as I pecked his. We entered the house and I took it in as I followed him down the hall. He stepped down into the Livingroom and Gus squealed, running towards me. I smiled and hugged him, kissing him.

“This is a nice place,” I said, looking around as I stood with Gus in my arms and he nodded, shoving his hands in pockets.

“Yeah, it came at a good price too,” he said, and I looked at him.

“You bought it?” I asked and he looked at me.

“Yeah,” he said.

“But I thought you were living in Jersey,” I said, and he shrugged.

“My family was here so I moved here for now,” he said.

“You’re crazy,” I murmured, and he smiled.

“Why don’t we have some coffee and tea?” he asked pointing to the kitchen and I nodded, following him out. We were sat at the table; Gus was busy looking at a book. “I can’t begin to apologize again for what I did to you,” he began. “I don’t know what took over me, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he continued. “All I know is that it happened, and I have never regretted anything more,” he said, and I studied him.

“I don’t know when I will trust you again,” I said. “I don’t know when I will look at you after a job and not wonder who you slept with on set,” I said, and he nodded.

“Fair,” he agreed. “But I won’t,” he said. “I can promise you that I will never make that mistake again,” he said, reaching out and holding my hand. I looked into his blue smoldering eyes and knew I was ready to be hurt again. I had tried running away from him, but he followed me, he refused to let me go. I knew part of it was control but a lot of it was because he wanted me, wanted the life we had built together.

“I will take you back as long as you promise no movies or filming for six months,” I said, and he stared at me.

“I have stuff lined up for next month,” he said.

“You’ll have to decide what is more important, us or your career,” I said.

“My career affords us the luxury life,” he said, and I nodded.

“I know that, but I also know you have enough to fall back on that you can go without work for a few months,” I said and he leaned back. “I need time with you, with Gus and to rebuild our lives,” I explained. After a few moments, he nodded.

“All right, as long as you can promise me, you’ll cut off contact with Myles,” he said and I shook my head.

“We’re friends,” I said, and he made a face.

“Come on, you expect me to believe that?” he asked, and I sighed. “It’s the same as what you expect of me, to cut off contact with the person I slept with,” he said, and I sighed.

“Fine but let me meet with him one more time, to explain,” I said.

“Fine,” he agreed. “So, we’re back together?” he asked and I nodded.

“In my opinion,” I said, and he leaned over the table, pulling my hand to his lips.

“Would it be gross of me to expect makeup sex?” he asked, and I laughed.

“You’re such a perv,” I said, and he grinned at me. “Let’s take Gus out for lunch,” I said, and he nodded, leaning back in his seat. We took Gus out to eat at a restaurant and enjoyed our family being one again.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocean blue eyes looking in mine  
> I feel like I might sink and drown and die  
> You're so gorgeous  
> I can't say anything to your face  
> 'Cause look at your face  
> And I'm so furious  
> At you for making me feel this way  
> But what can I say?  
> You're gorgeous.  
> -Taylor Swift-

He brought me to the edge time and time again that night, refusing to give me my release until he was ready. When at last he was satisfied that he had paid homage to me, he held my gaze as he pushed into me and began to pace, slowly at first.

"I love you, Freya," he said, and I smiled, reaching up to place my hands on either side of his face. "I fucking love you so much," he continued, and I kissed him tenderly as he moved inside me. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding him close to me. "I'm so sorry," he pleaded, and I closed my eyes, feeling the buried emotions rising. The hurt, the anger and the constant love, the affection that had never left my heart for him. I leaned my head back as his pace became needier, more desperate and he grunted into my neck as he slammed into mine again. He did it once more and his teeth sunk into my soft flesh as he came inside me, I dug my nails into his bareback. He stayed in his position for a few minutes as we caught our breath and then rolled on his back, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He took my hand and kissed it lovingly. "I will never fuck up like that again," he vowed, and I smiled. I rolled on my side and traced over his features tenderly.

"I won't forgive you next time," I said, and he smiled, kissing the tip of my finger.

"I'd hope not, you deserve better than that," he said, and I kissed him, resting my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and we stayed like that, quietly, for a while.

"So, what are you going to do with this house now?" I asked and he shrugged slightly.

"Keep it, we'll visit your mom," he said, and I smiled, running my finger over his hairy chest. "We'll have a place to stay when we do and we won't be infringing on her," he stated, and I laughed.

"I don't think we will ever be infringing on my mom," I countered.

"True," he agreed, and I felt his finger start to trail down my back, causing me to shiver. "Are we going back to Jersey?" he asked, and I sighed, folding my hands to rest my chin on them.

"I was thinking we could take a vacation, get away from what we know," I said.

"I'd like that," he agreed, and I smiled. "Where to?" he asked and I sighed, rolling to my back.

"Crete?" I asked and I saw his eyes light up. He was a big ancient history buff; I knew Crete held a lot of that history and he would enjoy it.

"You're not just saying that for my benefit, are you?" he asked, and I shook my head.

"No, my mom's dad was Greek, I'd be interested to get educated on the history," I said, and he kissed me.

"I've never been more attracted to you," he said, and I laughed. "The fact that you can nerd out with me," he said, and I smiled, he kissed my collar bone.

"Well if it's nerdy to be educated then I guess we're just a pair of nerds," I said, and he grinned at me.

\----

The only time I had seen him look sexier was when he became a dad, watching him pour over the museum pieces and stare in wonder at the archaeological wonders of ancient Greece just made him that much sexier. The way he involved Gus with the history, pointing out things of interest, holding to his hand and guiding him through the ancient world. The passion he held was fascinating to me and I listened eagerly to what he told me, to what the tour guide told us. He had, as always, afforded us all the luxuries of being wealthy and hired the best tour guide possible. They led us through the ruins, explained the history and it was interesting, to imagine the civilization that existed so long before us. I began to be able to relax again around him, we fell right back in stride with each other and it felt like nothing had happened between us.

It was the sixth night of our getaway and he hired a nanny, taking me out to eat. I made sure to dress in one of his favourite dresses and he held my hand tightly as we walked, weaving through crowds. He got noticed here and there, signing autographs as well as taking photos. We were seated on the patio overlooking the ocean and his attention was on no one else but me. He had bought me another ring, a bigger ring than my engagement ring as an apology and had promised to buy me whatever my heart desired to make up for all that he had put me through. I was happy where I was though, all I wanted was his attention and his love, two things he readily gave to me. We returned to the home he had rented; Gus was in bed and he paid the nanny before returning to me in our room.

The morning sun came quickly, the empty wine bottle laid on the table with empty wine glasses and he was asleep on my chest, his arm wrapped around me. My stomach did not agree with the comfort the rest of my body felt and I quickly pushed him off, darting to the bathroom. I let loose anything that had settled and stood up, flushing the toilet. I washed my face and hands, staring at myself in the mirror. My stomach felt nauseous and I prayed it was only that one experience I'd have to deal with. I got in the large shower, letting the warm water run over me and looked up as I heard him enter. He smiled seeing me and stepped inside, wrapping his arms around me holding me close.

"Are you okay?" he asked, kissing my shoulder.

"Feeling a little better, I don't think that calamari agreed with me," I said.

"I'm sorry," he replied and then began tending to my hair. He rinsed it with water and took the shampoo, washing my hair. That moment was one of the many I loved to share with him, he would take care of me and patiently too. His fingernails felt like heaven against my scalp and he tipped my head back, rinsing it out. He turned me around and kissed me, hugging me to his naked body.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked, and I nodded, smiling.

"Much," I agreed, and he hugged me, so my head was tucked under his chin.

"Good," he said.

For the next week, the mornings were much like that, waking up with my stomach aching and me throwing up in the toilet. On the last day, I went to the nearby store and picked up a pregnancy test, already assuming what it would tell me. I sat on the toilet while I waited, hearing him downstairs playing with Gus and smiled to myself. Regardless, I knew we'd be okay and that he'd continue to be an excellent father. The timer went off and I grabbed it, looking at the screen.

I headed downstairs and found him at the table with Gus, trying to teach him, checkers.

"Don't you think he's a little young?" I asked and he looked at me.

"Never too young to start learning," he said and looked back as Gus swiped the board clean. "Of course, there are exceptions," he said, and I placed the test in front of him, he looked to it. He looked up at me and then back at it again. "Are you?" he asked.

"I am," I agreed.

"And its mine?" he asked, and I rolled my eyes. "Sorry, it’s just...you and Myles,' he said as he stood, and I nodded.

"Yeah, but he was careful, he didn't want kids and so made sure he wore protection, unlike someone else I know," I said, patting his rock-hard stomach and he hugged me tightly.

"This is amazing," he said and kissed me. "It explains your morning ritual too," he said, and I nodded.

"thank god because I thought I was dying," I said, and he smiled.

"No, you're not dying, Freya," he said and kissed me again. "Gus," he said as he turned, and Gus looked at him with the same blue eyes. "You're going to be a big brother, buddy," he said, crouching down and Gus looked at him. I smiled; it would be hard to explain but he would understand in time. It was wild to me that I was going to be a mom of two but watching him try to explain to our two-year-old that he was going to be a big brother, it made me feel somewhat saner.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and even in my darkest days, even in my lowest place  
> You love me the most  
> And even when I can't stay, even when I run away  
> You love me the most  
> So why do I hurt you so?  
> Is it 'cause you love me the most?  
> -Miley Cyrus-

I stared at the blood, trying to figure out what was going on. I shouldn't be having a period; I was pregnant and three months along at that. A knock came on the door and I glanced up frantically.

"Yeah?" I called out.

"Are you alright, love?" his calming voice asked, and I looked back at the blood.

"I-I don't know," I replied, and I saw the door handle turn, but I had locked it. I stumbled up, turning the lock and sat back on the toilet, he slipped inside glancing over his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked, crouching before me and I studied him before pointing down, he gazed at the blood that stained my pants. "Dear God," he muttered and then I saw him visibly try to recover, he placed a hand on either shoulder. "Hey, look at me, look at me," he said, and I raised my gaze to meet his. "We'll be all right, I'm going to call an ambulance, but I need you to stay calm," he said, and I nodded, looking back to the blood, still shocked. I heard the phone call, the conversation and he asked me questions, but I couldn't answer. I was frozen in spot and the realization of what was happening started to dawn over me. I was losing the baby or had lost the baby.

\-----

He had my hand the entire time I was loaded onto the stretcher and put in the ambulance, sitting beside me as we rode to the hospital. It had started out as a date night at a party and ended like this. He was telling me useless information, how he had called the nanny to have her stay overnight, how he had called my mom, but she hadn't answered, things he needed to say so he could keep his sanity. I was brought into the ER and given a room. I don't know if it was his status or just normal protocol, but I went from the busy noise of the ER to the quiet of a secluded room, something I was grateful for. The doctor came in and did an exam. I watched as the doctor guided him outside the room by his elbow and spoke solemnly to him, I saw the heartbreak on his face. He nodded and shook the doctor's hand before pausing. He pushed the door open and his blue eyes fell on me, I shook my head.

"Don't bother," I muttered, gazing at the window where the shades were partially open, letting me see out to the bright city lights. "I already know," I said, and he sighed. He walked across the room, holding my hand and kissed it.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and I remained unresponsive. "I'm going to make a few calls, but I'll be right outside if you need me," he said and after a moment, left to the hall. I let the tears fall then, where he wouldn't see them and I cried quietly to myself, understanding that the little life I had been so careful to protect had left me. I had pushed all my suicidal thoughts, defeated all my demons when I found out I was pregnant and now it was all for nothing, there was no reason.

\------

In the next few days I saw him struggle, he tripped over himself to make me happy, but nothing worked. He brought me home and I retreated to bed, I didn't want to see anyone. Gus would climb into bed with me and he was the only one I wanted near me; he would curl against me as though silently he understood what was happening. His silent comfort was more than I could have asked for and I would fall asleep with him there, his head on my chest.

He had to go, he had put the shoot-off for far too long and was going to lose the job if he didn't go. I hadn't made it easy for him, I was still a completely different person and he didn't know how to handle me. He had taken to sleeping in the guest room, bringing me breakfast every morning and any other meal I wouldn't leave the room for. I lost weight, too much weight and he panicked slightly but tried not to show it. He stood at the end of the bed, his bag in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other, hesitant to address me.

"I have to go," he said, at last, moving forward and resting the flowers on the bedside table. "But I'll check in on you and your mom flies in tomorrow morning, the nanny is here until then," he said and stroked my head, pushing the hair aside. He paused and I could tell in just his touch how many words he was refraining from saying. He leaned down and pressed his lips against my forehead. "I love you, Freya, don't forget that I love you and nothing will ever change that," he said. "I still need you," he whispered and stood, leaving.

\--------

It had rained for nearly three days, not helping my mood and it got to the point where I let the demons in one lonely night. They fought with me through the darkness, demanding I listen to them and when it became too much, I couldn't handle it. I took one then another, mixed it with the pain killers the doctor had given me that my mother had thought she hid so well and before I knew it, I had taken more than I should have. I felt good for once, the demons were silent and the warmth that surrounded me was comforting, I had never felt that warmth before. I laid back in my bed and closed my eyes, sleep came rapidly.

\-------

He was on set, at least that was what I was told later, he was on set filming when someone interrupted and told him he had a phone call, an important one. He was frustrated as it broke the scene, but he took his cell phone from his assistant, putting the phone to his ear. They told me later they had never seen him look so frightened as when the words were spoken to him but there was no consoling him, there was no continuing the scene. He refused, he was on the next plane home and went straight to the hospital where my mom was with Gus. She knocked once, twice and on the third knock pushed open the door. She told me later that she had seen me asleep, thought nothing of it until she saw the bottle next to the bed. Picking it up, she realized it was near empty and that was when she panicked, she checked for my pulse. It was my mom who called the ambulance, called him and then escorted Gus to the hospital. She filled him in on all the information he needed to know and apologized that she hadn't arrived sooner.

I was put on a ventilator after my stomach was pumped and I was semi-conscious. I saw him in my room alone, he had left Gus outside because he feared it was too scary for him. He told me they put me on a 72-hour mental hold and then afterwards I would come home with him, he would take time off. He asked me what he had done wrong and that all he had tried was to help me. He left me then, I was unable to respond and instead left with all my thoughts.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Underneath it all  
> I'm held captive by the hole inside  
> I've been holding back  
> For the fear that you might change your mind  
> I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight  
> Little do you know  
> I need a little more time.  
> -Alex & Sierra-

He brought me home 72 hours later, my mom took Gus to the guest house and stayed there with him while I got settled back in. I focused on his hand in mine, his warm large and rough hand in mine as he led me into the house. It was morning when we returned, I noticed sitting on the island in the kitchen was my favourite flowers and again in every room, I entered where a vase of my favourite flowers, he must have bought them before I returned.

"Why are we going out here?" I asked, wincing in the bright morning sunlight as he led me to the back, and he sat me on one of the chairs.

"You need to be outside," he said and sat beside me, holding my hand. I had fought against the feeling to push him away, I saw how scared he had been to be in the same position as before and I knew he wanted only to take care of me, I had to let him try. I rested my head on his shoulder and he kissed my forehead as we stared out at the gardens. "I love you, Frey," he said, and I smiled, squeezing his hand.

"I love you too," I replied and there was a pause, but I could feel more was coming.

"And if you never want to try again, I will understand," he said and my heart pace picked up, the memory of losing the baby filled me again. The dread, the anger, and sadness.

"I've fought too many demons to get here to turn away now," I replied, and I felt his hand squeeze my hand tightly, but he didn't speak a word.

\----

Life started falling back into place after that, Gus brought me a lot of joy with his childlike wonder at everything and my mom's presence helped a lot as well. It was all going smoothly, I had my husband by my side and the rest of my little family as well.

I was in the Livingroom watching a movie with him when his phone rang and I saw him look at it, a confused expression appeared on his face.

"Everything okay?" I asked and he nodded.

"My publicist, I'll be right back," he said, patting my leg and got up disappearing out into the hall. I continued watching the movie but couldn't help but hear bits of his conversation. He sounded agitated and frustrated.

"No, I don't believe her," he said, and I suddenly became sincerely interested in his conversation. "Because she wasn't happy when I ended it, she's just using this to get back at me," he said and my eyes widened, it was the girl he had cheated on me with. "Well what do you want me to do?" he asked and then he laughed. "No, I will not meet with her, Freya is on the mend and I'm not going to leave her for this," he denied, and I smiled, his loyalty was nice. "The press? Who the hell is going to buy the story?" he asked. "Are you serious? That many people care about this?" he asked. "No, no, fine,” he said. “This is going to kill her,” he muttered. “Yeah, I will, bye,” he said and hung up. He didn’t come back right away, and I worried, what was the news? At last, he came back in and leaned on the back of the couch.

“I heard your half of the conversation,” I said, and he sighed again, coming around the couch.

“So, do you remember that girl I had an affair with?” he asked, and I nodded, gazing into his eyes.

“Well, it appears that she’s….” he started and shook his head.

“What?” I demanded and he sighed again.

“She’s pregnant, Freya,” he said, and I felt my heart drop, my sense of logical fall away.

“W-what?” I asked, stumbling over simple words and he nodded, his eyes avoiding mine. “You can’t be serious,” I said.

“I am, at least that’s what she’s claiming,” he said, and I stared at him.

“So not only did you cheat on me, but you didn’t wear fucking protection?” I demanded and he grimaced. “Fuck me!” I exclaimed standing.

“Freya, wait, wait,” he pleaded reaching out for me.

“No, fuck no! I’m going to see my mom,” I said and stormed out of the house, down the grounds to the guest house. I knocked on the door and my mom opened it, studying me.

“Oh god, what now?” she asked.

“The bitch he cheated on me with is saying she’s pregnant,” I said, and my mom’s expression fell.

“He didn’t wear protection?” she whispered, and I looked around the house, Gus was in another room.

“No, he doesn’t like to,” I said, and she shook her head.

“Are you sure…is he sure it’s his?” she asked, and I shrugged, falling into the white couch.

“Who the fuck knows,” I said, and she sat beside me.

“How are you?” she asked.

“Not suicidal but pissed,” I said, and she nodded with understanding.

“I can appreciate that,” she said and stroked my hair. “I wish you two could go back to before you were married, life was simpler then,” she said.

“You’re telling me,” I muttered, and she kissed my temple. I stayed at my mom’s, avoiding him and not answer the phone. I knew he wouldn’t dare come down to the guest house, that he knew better than to invade my space when I was this angry with him and I also knew he was trying to deal with the situation himself.

I made my way back to the house that night, I figured he was asleep and went into the guest room, falling into bed exhausted. I woke up later to someone stroking my hair and I opened my eyes; he was on the bed beside me.

“Freya, I am sorry,” he said, and I gazed at him, staring at him quietly for a moment.

“It was hard enough to know you betrayed me but then to know a child came out of it?” I asked and he nodded.

“I know, I know,” he agreed.

“Are you going to do a DNA test?” I asked.

“Of course, I want to make sure I am the father before anything gets released,” he said, and I sighed. I was still in love with him and I knew this, there was no way to deny that. “I love you Freya,” he said again, and I nodded.

“Just…” I began. “Just don’t do this to me again because I won’t be able to handle it,” I said and he leaned down, kissing me.

“Never,” he vowed and kissed me again. I closed my eyes as his lips went further and I let him take over me. I hadn’t forgiven him, but I had found love for him again, the start to forgiving him. I just prayed that this girl was wrong, and it wasn’t his child, that she was just looking for the biggest payout.


	32. Chapter 32

I clung to his arm as the cameras snapped, the flashes went off and fans called his name, his hand was firmly gripped in mine. He leaned down when I went to tell him that it was crazy and he smiled, nodding. We were escorted into the theatre where the film would be premiered and I stood beside him as he spoke to the director, the screenwriter. They were cordial and polite to me, I knew they were aware of what I had been through but were trying to ignore it. They were going on about his improving horseback riding skills and how they were impressed with his commitment.

"My wife is actually a rider," he said, pointing to me and I smiled at them.

"Are you? Did you ride professionally?" the director asked and I shook my head.

"My instructor wanted me to but I declined, I'm not much for the spotlight," I said and he smiled, nodding.

"She gives me a lot of pointers and what she calls constructive criticism," he said with a smile and I rolled my eyes as he winked at me.

"That's lovely, my wife does the same for me with my writing but she's not a writer," the screenwriter said and I laughed.

"We'll do that, we just like to keep you in check," I said and they smiled at me. He introduced me to the rest of the people that came over to speak to him and then we parted ways with a kiss while he took the stage, I sat down in our seat. I admired him from afar, he was an easy date, I didn't need to pick out clothing for him and he always looked amazing, smelled as heavenly as you think he would. He joined me back in our seat when he was done and slipped his hand back in mine.

"Thank you for coming," he said and I nodded.

"Of course, gotta put up a solid front for the world," I said and he nodded, gazing around the room. He knew what I meant, the girl had persued her claims and he was due for a DNA test next week, to give his sample. Then it would either be done or just the beginning.

\-----

He gave his sample and now we were waiting, on pins and needles, for the results. I hated the girl and made a silent promise to myself to make sure she never came near him again. I blamed him for his part in the affair but her for whatever she claimed if it was false.

It was 8 am on a Friday morning, we had slept in as had Gus and we woke to his cell phone ringing. He got it after a minute and answered it groggily. He sat up and I opened my eyes, realizing it was the call.

"Yes, yes," he said and I gazed at his serious expression. "Okay, thank you," he said and hung up, pausing. He looked at me and I stared up at him. "I'm not the father," he said with a broad smile and I smiled, jumping on him. We kissed passionately and I clung to the back of his hair.

"I'm so fucking happy," I said and he laid me back, kissing me again.

"Let's start on our own now that shit is behind us," he said and I smiled.

"Absolutely," I whispered and his fingers began to explore my body more, finding all the places he knew were the turn-ons.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Together we will fly away in a cloud of green  
> To your beautiful destiny  
> As we soared above the town that never loved me  
> I realized I finally had a family  
> -Ruth B.-

I closed my eyes and leaned back on my palms. The sun was warm, the sound of the waves was peaceful and for a little while, I felt calm. The squeals of excitement from Gus came from the shore, I opened my eyes and looked. I smiled seeing him being tossed in the air and watching him wrapping his arms around his dad. This was the family life I imagined.

\---

I was too nervous to tell him, I had to get confirmation from the doctor before I told him and once I did, I planned a night out together. As we sat at the dining table, I watched him trying to gauge his emotions and his eyes fell on me.

"What?" He asked, cocking his head slightly.

"Nothing," I said smiling and shaking my head. He went back to eating and I gazed at my plate trying to decide.

"What's going on, Frey?" He asked as I was about to speak and I smiled.

"I went to the doctor today, " I said and his eyebrows raised. "I'm two months pregnant, " I said and the smile that flew to his face was huge.

"Really?" he asked excitedly and I nodded. "Why did you look so nervous?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I'm nervous about the whole thing, " I said and his smile fell slightly, he nodded sympathetically.

"I get it, " he agreed but the smile soon returned. "This is fucking amazing, " he said and I smiled too now.

\----

He had to go film and even though I desperately wanted him to stay, I knew he had stayed as long as he could.

"I'll be back before you know it, Frey," he promised in our front hall with his arms around me.

"I know, I know, "I agreed. "You'll call me?" I asked and he smiled.

"Every night, " he vowed and kissed me passionately. "I love you, " he said and kissed me again. He grabbed his bag and opened the door, I watched him walk down to the waiting SUV. He got in, rolling down the window and waved as it pulled away. I shut the door and sighed. Alone in a huge house with my two and a half-year-old, as well as pregnant. I hated the long, lonely nights in bed, the early mornings without him and the rest of the hours I would have to fill by myself. It was the worst of situations that you just had to make the best of.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I get ready, I get all dressed up  
> To go nowhere in particular  
> It doesn't matter if I'm not enough  
> For the future or the things to come  
> 'Cause I'm young and in love  
> -Lana del Ray-

It's a different world when you're left alone in a house that was once filled with someone, he still lingered in corners and shadows but he wasn't there. The bed was colder, the night filled with the loud creaks and groans of the house settling that I hadn't heard when he was there. The morning was quieter, he didn't come in from a run as Gus and I ate our breakfast. I didn't have him throughout the day to keep me company and entertain me. I did my best to focus on Gus, to focus on the new baby and enjoy the excitement that came with the event. He called faithfully every night like he had promised and texted me throughout the day when he had breaks. It wasn't the same though and I know he knew it. He was in the same position, alone and in a foreign country. I knew he wanted to be home with us but he also enjoyed his job, enjoyed the money that came in because of it.

I was lying in bed late one night, staring at the screen on my phone as I watched him talk to me and felt the emotions that had been building rising up, the tears perking in the corners of my eyes. I wanted him there, I wanted to touch him when he told me these stories but instead, I was left with the cold metal of the phone.

"Frey?" he asked and I realized he had noticed the tears.

"Sorry, I miss you," I said, wiping the tears and he smiled.

"I miss you too, I used to love seeing new countries but now they're not as beautiful because you're not with me," he said and I smiled.

"Thank you," I said and he joined the smile. "It's just the house is so big, I don't know every noise yet and I worry all the time," I explained.

"I know, I know," he said with a sigh and nodding his head. "I've honestly been looking into security for the house," he stated.

"Like a system? We already have one," I said and he shook his head.

"No, like actual human security," he said.

"Oh, that would be interesting," I said.

"Well then I can be sure someone is there watching after you when you're alone, I can't tell you how hard it is for me to sleep knowing you're in that house by yourself with Gus," he said and I smiled. I enjoyed it when he became protective. "I need a team of people to take care of you," he said and I laughed.

"I'm not sure I'd like that," I said and he shrugged.

"You'd get used to it, honestly," he replied and I sighed. He then began to tell me all the jobs he would hire for, maids, a caretaker for the property, guards and it was starting to sound like we were royalty.

"You do understand that I'm not sure even the Queen of England has all that?" I asked and he laughed.

"You'd be surprised," he replied and I smiled. "The most important job for me is finding someone to take care of you, you tend to wander and that worries me," he said.

"What does that mean?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Where were you when I called you the other day?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.

"I thought it was our property," I argued. I had wandered into the forest that outlined our property and got a bit lost with Gus, he had been upset that I had taken that chance.

"But that's a perfect example of how a guard would be useful, they could follow you out there and bring you back," he said and I sighed.

"Look, whatever makes you feel more at ease," I said and he smiled.

"Thank you," he said. "They'll be there tomorrow," he continued and I laughed.

"So you hired them already? It wouldn't have mattered if I disagreed?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Not really," he replied and I rolled my eyes.

"You're something else," I muttered and he smiled.

"I'm yours," he replied and the smile returned to my face.

"You are," I agreed and we fell quiet for a moment.

The next morning the doorbell rang at 6 am and I left Gus seated at the table, going to it. I gazed at the camera, as he had taught me and saw several burly looking men.

"Yes?" I asked through the speaker.

"Good morning, we're with Crown Security, your husband hired us?" he said and I opened the door. I gazed at the man in front, tall, bald and bulging muscles. "Good morning, ma'am," he said and put his hand out, I shook it. My morning was then spent on the living room couch with Gus in my lap and being told all the ins and outs of their detail team. It was insane, if I went out in public, they would be with me, at night there would be a team awake and keeping guard of the house. There was no moment that I was alone or unprotected. After an hour and a half, they told me they would start walking the property and report back to me any abnormalities. I grabbed my phone and began texting.

 _"This security team is insane,"_ I wrote and put something on television for Gus.

 _"Highest rated in the UK, cost enough they should be insane,"_ he replied and I shook my head. I didn't want to see the bill for this, in fact, I stayed out of finances all together because I knew I would throw up at the amount of money he spent. But he brought it in, I couldn't complain.

Needless to say, I would no longer feel alone or in danger at any moment of my life.


	35. Runaway

The doorbell rang again later in the day and before I could answer it, one of the security guards opened the door. I sighed and stopped behind him, waiting patiently. He came back to the house with a large bouquet of white Lilies and placed it on the hallway table.

"I could have answered that," I said, and he just smiled at me, I shook my head. I took the card from the bouquet and slid the tiny card out. I smiled reading his words of love and then looked at the bouquet that almost didn't fit on the table. One thing about him is that though he loved to spoil himself with his hard-earned money, he loved to spoil others more. I called his phone and waited patiently through the rings, half expecting it to go to voicemail.

"Hello," he said, and I smiled, I loved hearing his voice when he was miles away.

"Thank you for the lilies," I said.

"Of course, it’s the very least I could do after leaving you," he replied.

"No, the very least you could do is return to me," I said.

"Well yes but we know that won't be for a month or more," he answered, and I sighed.

"I know but it seems forever," I said.

"It does," he agreed. "How are you feeling today?" he asked, and I placed a hand on my stomach, rubbing the growing bump.

"Very well, this child has been kind to me," I said.

"I'm glad, I can't wait to see you and Gus again," he said, and I smiled.

"We can't wait to see you either," I agreed. "How's filming?" I asked.

"Fantastic, I'm getting a lot better at riding which they appreciate," he said. "I think the cast and I are becoming more in tune with each other' as well which makes filming easier," he said.

"I bet it does, are they feeding you well?" I asked and he laughed.

"While their food does not compare to yours, it will do," he promised, and I nodded to myself.

"Good," I replied, and we fell quiet. Sometimes I just wanted to be on the line with him, not hear him speaking but know he was there, on the other end. "Well I wanted to call you and thank you for the flowers, I expected to get your voicemail but glad I didn't," I said.

"You're in luck, just finished the scene moments before you called," he said, and I smiled. "Are the security working out?" he asked, and I sighed.

"I mean, they're taking all my liberties but for the most part, I can't even answer the front door by myself anymore," I said, and he chuckled.

"I'm sorry, they're just doing what I'm paying them to," he reminded.

"I know, it just gets a bit stifling," I said.

"I'm sure you will find ways around it," he stated, and I smiled. I had already planned on escaping to go shopping by myself later that day and I knew it would send them into a tizzy, but I needed to get away from their watchful eye. "I have to go now but I'll talk to you tonight," he promised.

"Sounds good, I love you," I said.

"And as always, you know I love you," he replied, and we hung up.

It was three when I made my escape, I took Gus and said we were going for a walk on the grounds. We began weaving in through the well-landscaped gardens, Gus admiring all the plants and birds that fluttered within them. I had watched the security, knew their schedule and as I had observed, I managed to disappear into the wood line. They had a blind spot and I was going to abuse the hell out of that until they figured it out. I paused halfway in and checked my phone; I had ordered my Uber outside the gates. I told them to stop 50' before the gate and hopped they had done so, without having any understanding of why. As we walked through the dirt path, I saw the road and the car tucked on the side. I got in the back and told him to go into town to the shops.

"Sorry for the weird message," I said as he turned around and headed back down the road.

"Not the weirdest I've got," he replied, and I smiled. We arrived in town and I got out, thanking him. I made sure to give him a good tip on the app and then led Gus into the shopping area.

I was a half hour into shopping when my phone went off, I pulled it out of my pocket and glanced at the ID, the head of security. I put the phone back in my pocket and continued browsing. As I was looking at the clothes, Gus was playing with the toys in the corner of the shop and it was only when I circled around the rack, I saw the land rover pull up in front of the store. I watched as one of the security guards stepped out and came into the store, his eyes browsing the people. They fell on me and I continued to look through the clothes, ignoring him.

“Ma’am,” he said, standing beside me and I saw him look past me to Gus, spotting him on the floor.

“So, you found me, congratulations,” I muttered.

“Yes ma’am,” he said, and I rolled my eyes. I went to the back, scooping up Gus and walked out of the store, he was quick to follow me. I moved as quickly as I could down the crowded sidewalk, weaving between people and ducking down the side street. I turned into another store, stepping to the side and behind a bookcase. I peered through it at the entrance and through the window, saw the guard looking desperately for me. I grabbed my phone out and looked through it. I turned my location off, wondering if that’s how they tracked me and a few minutes after I did so, I saw him put his phone to his ear. He spoke to the person on the other end and then put his phone back, marching back the way he came. I breathed easy and put Gus on the ground.

“What do you say we go for some food, bud?” I asked and he looked up at me with his father’s eyes, nodding anxiously. I smiled, taking his hand and led him from the store, peering down to make sure the guard was gone. I took Gus out for ice cream and we enjoyed a quiet afternoon. My phone rang two hours in, and I looked at the ID. “Hello,” I said, enjoying the second call with him that day.

“Freya,” he began.

“Are you calling me to ridicule me for the thing you already knew I was going to do?” I asked and he sighed.

“I hired them to guard you,” he said.

“And you didn’t have to, guard the house fine for but me? No, I’m fine,” I stated.

“It makes me feel better,” he pushed.

“Well I’m sorry but I’m not going to give up every freedom I have so you can feel better,” I said, and he sighed again.

“Freya, please,” he said, and I rolled my eyes.

“Fine but when you get back, we’re having a talk about this,” I said.

“Fair enough,” he agreed. “I love you Freya and I know you know that,” he said.

“Of course, I do, you stupid fuck,” I replied and hung up, looking to Gus who stared at me.

“Sorry,” I said, apologizing for the curse word. “Daddy wants us to go back home, are you ready?” I asked and he nodded. I called the head of security, telling him to send his goon to get me and I could hear the relief in his voice, that he hadn’t lost his boss’ wife. I waited patiently and before long, the land rover pulled up to the sidewalk. The guard that I had lost got out and opened the door for us.

“Ma’am,” he said with a short nod and I swore I almost saw a smirk on his face, as though he enjoyed what I had just accomplished. I put Gus in first and slid inside, he shut the door. As we drove down the street, I scrolled my Instagram.

“So how much did I upset your boss?” I asked, glancing at him in the rearview mirror.

“I almost lost my job,” he replied.

“Oh, well I’m sorry for that much,” I said and saw the smile on the profile of his face.

“Don’t be, ma’am, I’ve never seen my boss outwitted,” he said, and I smiled to myself, gazing at the phone. I didn’t know this guard’s name from the next, but I liked him the most. We arrived home, he opened the doors for us again and I stepped out, heading inside with Gus.

“Ma’am,” the boss guard said as he opened the door. “What you did today was very dangerous, ma’am,” he said.

“Really? I didn’t see any men with guns trying to kill me,” I said as I breezed past him and into the living room.

“Ma’am, it’s not always the threats we see,” he said, and I sat on the couch, taking off my shoes.

“You act as though I’m the Queen of England, I’m married to an actor, I doubt anyone really would fly all the ways to Jersey to off me,” I said, and the boss sighed.

“Your husband hired me to guard you and your son, you are not allowing me to do my job,” he said, and I gazed at him.

“No, I’m challenging you, I’m allowing you to become better than you are at it,” I disagreed, and he flexed his jaw, I knew how annoyed he was with me. I was a spoiled brat to him, but I honestly did not care. I did not like him, and I would make sure he was nowhere near me when I could.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You like me more when I need you And I need you more than I want to.  
> Tell me now what happens in the end.  
> -Alice Kristensen-

It was going to be a lonely time without him and I was done with the long nights by myself. I brought Gus over to his parents and boarded a flight to where he was filming. I touched down at night, stretching my tired limbs and slung my backpack over my shoulder, getting off the plane. I got in the waiting SUV and was driven to his location, a hotel. He had finished filming for the day and was probably asleep by now. I went to the counter, I had called ahead and they gave me his room key, I got in the elevator. I slid the card into the slot and pushed the door open quietly when it turned green. I shut the door just as quietly and stepped inside his suite, putting my bag down on the couch.

I looked around the room and saw it was as clean as he liked the house. I took my shoes off, tucking them under the couch and moved into the bedroom, stopping short as I saw him asleep in bed. I smiled, taking in for a moment the fact that he was there, inches away from me and I went around the right side of the bed, gazing down at him. I leaned down, softly kissing him and he moaned in his sleep, I couldn’t help the smile. The boy was desperate for touch and needy as fuck. I slid my fingers down his chest, below the blanket and found his half-erect cock. I began to rub it lovingly, he moaned again and I kissed him again. His eyes opened, he focused on me and I would have laughed at the surprised expression if he hadn’t grabbed me by the back of my neck and waist, pulling me into bed. He kissed me, his hands running over my body, stroking my growing stomach lovingly and kissed down my neck, down my chest between my breasts. His hands slid my shirt up and over them, his lips wrapped around each nipple sucking on them hungrily.

He kissed down my stomach placing very tender kisses on it and rested his ear against the surface, I smiled as he whispered words of love to his unborn child. His lips continued down, pulling at my leggings and taking the panties with them, his lips kissed the soft mound between my legs. I groaned, closing my eyes and he parted my legs gently but firmly. I clung to the pillows that smelled like him as he ate me out and cried out as I came, grabbing hold of his hair. He grunted and sat upon his knees, his fully erect cock pressing against his boxer briefs. I reached up and took it out, stroking it lovingly. He watched as I wrapped my mouth around its circumference and closed his eyes, putting his hand on my head.

“Oh fuck, Frey,” he murmured as I sucked on him. “I don’t care how you got here, I’m just happy you’re here,” he said and I continued to suck him off, excited by his moans of pleasure. I pulled back as I recognized his climax building and let him cum on my face, he stared down as he stroked his cock, watching as seed painted my face. “Fuck you,” he grunted and I smiled, laying back. He grabbed wipes off the other side of the bed and gave them to me, I wiped his cum off. He laid beside me and wrapped his arms around me when I had finished, kissing my shoulder “How the fuck did you know I needed you?” he asked and I smiled.

“Probably because I needed you as much,” I replied and he smiled, placing his hand on my stomach.

“You’ve really put on weight,” he said quietly and I laughed, he smiled. “Are you still feeling okay?” he asked, looking up at me and I smiled, nodding.

“I think this one is going to stick around,” I said and he smiled, kissing the bump.

“Good,” he said and rested his head on it. I stroked his hair and closed my eyes, so happy at that moment to be in his bed again. We fell asleep soon after, each murmuring nonsensical things to each other and I slept better than I ever had in the past few weeks.


	37. Honeymoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We both know that it's not fashionable to love me  
> But you don't go 'cause, truly, there's nobody for you but me  
> There are violets in your eyes  
> There are guns that blaze around you  
> There are roses in between my thighs  
> Fire that surrounds you  
> -Lana del Rey-

I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note saying he had gone for work out. I sat in the chair by the window, my coffee balanced on my knee and my phone's screen scrolling through Instagram. He had gone down to the gym to do his normal and said he would be back up to take me on set, to show me what he had been doing. I heard the door open finally but didn't look up, expecting him to go in the shower. I finally glanced up as I heard his footsteps enter the room and I smiled seeing him sweaty but with a smile on his face.

"Morning," he said, kissing me lovingly and poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher.

"Anything good?" he asked, nodding to my phone and I put it down on the table.

"Nothing better than what's right here," I replied, and he smiled, sitting across from me. "How was your work out?" I asked and he shrugged.

"A workout; are you going to get ready to go to set with me?" he asked, and I nodded.

"I'm excited to see where you've been for the past few weeks," I emphasized, and he smiled.

"I hope it lives up to your expectations," he said and kissed my hand. "I missed you, Frey," he said.

"And you know I missed you," I said, stroking the back of his head and then made a face from the sweat, he laughed.

"Sorry, I gotta hop in the shower," he said and stood, kissing me. "You're welcome to join," he murmured into my ear and I smiled, quickly following him. I would never turn an invite like that down.

\---

He held on to my hand as he led me on set, coffee in my other hand and sunglasses on as it was a very bright fucking day. We ran into a few costars along the way, he introduced me, and they were all very sweet, cordial. I went in to make up with him, amusingly watching the wig go on and the makeup that followed.

"I bet you didn't think it took all this to make me look like that," he said, pointing to the pictures on the mirror and I smiled.

"I hoped it did otherwise, I married a monster," I said, and he smiled.

"I thought you liked this look?" he asked, blinking profusely after they put in contacts and I smiled, shrugging.

"I like the pants, that's for sure," I said, and he laughed, shaking his head. I watched as they finished everything up, amazed by their talent. He stood, larger than life now with the hair and makeup.

"If you like the pants, you'll like the next part," he said, taking my hand and kissing it as he led me out of the trailer, to another trailer. I watched there as he dressed for the scene, those leather pants that outlined his ass so nice and I had a good laugh with the girl about it as he stood there with a bemused smile on his face, waiting patiently for her to finish. We walked from that trailer towards the set and I clung to his hand lovingly.

"So, do you get to have sex on a stuffed unicorn?" I asked and he grinned.

"No, not a stuffed unicorn," he said. "I'm not sure I like how much you know about these games," he said, and I smiled.

"I played it a bit, I like the monsters," I said, and he smiled. I watched as he performed, always fascinated by his talent, he might always claim he did it for the money but there was some passion in him as he performed. They took a fifteen-minute break to reset something and when he came over to me, I grabbed his hand. I had been scouting out the perfect location and dragged him over behind some boulders with me. He couldn't question me before my lips were on his and I was on my knees before him, untying his pants. It was a bit of a struggle because they were unfamiliar as well as tight, but I soon got them open, his cock in my mouth. I knew the panic that was in his heart, it’s not like we were completely secluded, and anyone could come around the corner for any reason, it’s what made it hotter. I swallowed his cum that time, not wanting to make a mess and redid his pants for him.

"Now I remember why I didn't bring you on set," He said, and I smiled, trying to help him fix the wig.

"Why?" I asked.

"You're a fucking huge distraction," he said and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. I smiled into his shoulder, I loved being his distraction.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and me under each other's wing  
> We were free 'til he spoiled everything  
> Cover the basics, it's pretty easy  
> He's a bitch with some expectations  
> -Tove Lo-

Sarah flew out when I returned home, she wanted to see the house he had bought for me and she wanted to see Gus more. She had met him once and fell in love with him. We were in the gardens having lunch and Gus was running around like the wild man he was. She laughed and shook her head.

"He reminds me so much of you," she said, and I smiled.

"Really? I see a lot more of his dad in him," I said, and she nodded.

"Oh yeah, physically he's all him but his personality? No one could be as wild as you," she said, and I smiled. "How is married life treating you?" she asked, looking to me.

"It's...life," I said with a shrug. "He's gone half the time and the other half, he's trying to get more jobs," I said.

"That sucks," she said.

"Yeah but it’s what affords this shit," I said motioning to the house behind me and she smiled.

"Is this what you want though?" she asked, and I gazed at her.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"This house..." she said, looking at it. "It's fucking amazing but...it's not you," she said, her eyes falling back to me. "You're the beach and sunshine, sand in between your toes," she said, and I smiled.

"I'll admit I miss it," I said. "But this is family life," I said, and she nodded, drinking from her cup.

"I guess," she said.

"Sarah, just fucking spit it out," I said, and she sighed, setting her glass on the table.

"Since you've married him, I've never seen you more miserable," she said leaning into the table. "You love him, and he loves you, that's not what I'm saying," she said. "This isn't who you are there, you love California, you love the weather, and this is...not California," she said leaning back and I sighed. "When will you get what you want from this marriage?" she asked.

"I don't know, it's just easier usually to go along with him," I replied.

"Yeah, I know but at the same time, he should be trying to give you something to be happy about, not just kids," she said.

"So, what are you saying? I should command we move to California when his family is out here?" I asked.

"Your mom is out there," she reminded.

"I know but she's one woman, it's harder to fly his brothers and parents out to California," I replied.

"Why would you have to? You split time like most normal couples," she said with a shrug. "You're losing yourself in this marriage and it upsets me, I don't get to see you anymore," she said, and I gazed at her. "I love you; Frey and I don't want to lose you to being a housewife, that's never who you were," she said, and I smiled.

"Look, I'll talk to him, see if we can split time between here and there," I said.

"Don't see if you can, do it, tell him you want it," she said, and I nodded. "He's a sweet guy but if you're letting him, he'll take it all," she said, and I nodded. "I don't even think he knows he does it," she murmured, watching Gus again. "I want to see this wild man more and your next one," she said, pointing to my growing stomach and I smiled.

"I know, I know," I agreed and fell quiet. As always, she gave me a ton to think about and more to talk about with him than usual, I would wait until he got home. I didn't want to burden him while he was on set.


	39. Chapter 39

He sat in the chair across from me, his jaw flexing and silent. I had brought up what Sarah had said and it immediatley pissed him off.

“What is it about me that Sarah hates so much?” he asked, his eyes turning on me.

“What do you mean?” I asked and he laughed quietly.

“What do I mean, she clearly hates me if she’s bringing all this shit up and convincing you to push against me,” he stated and I shook my head.

“No I’ve wanted to be closer to my mom for a long time but was trying to give you this,” I said.

“Give me this? What exactly are you giving me?” he asked, leaning forward

“Living here,” I said and he laughed again, shaking his head.

“You’re not giving me anything, you’re being my wife and understanding where I’m coming from,” he said. “But that’s fine, you want to move across the world and take Gus away from everything he’s known, fine,” he said and got up, finishing his beer. He walked away from me and I watched him go into the house. I sighed and stared at the table, I didn’t know how else to broach this subject.

——

I found him in the house, in his office staring at the screen of his laptop and he glanced up as I entered.

“I just don’t understand why this was never a topic of conversation until Sarah came over,” he said and I sighed, falling into one of the chairs.

“It was always on my mind but I just didn’t want to bring it up because I knew you’d be upset,” I replied and he nodded.

“Well you’re right about that,” he agreed with a nod. “I mean, I have a house there so if you want, I guess we could split time between here and there,” he said.

“That’s all I’m asking for, to spend more time with my mom,” I said and he gazed at me again, studying me.

“Fine,” he said with a shrug and leaned back in his seat.

“Are you sure?” I asked and he smiled.

“No but I never am with you, its why I love you,” he said and I smiled, standing. I moved into his lap and he wrapped an arm around my waist.

“I love you,” I said and kissed him, he smiled in between the kisses.

“You got what you want, you don’t have to keep charming me,” he said and I smiled, tipping his head to the side. I kissed his neck and he moaned quietly.

“I want to,” I said and I felt his fingers run up my back. “I missed you,” I continued and his fingers gripped my side as I kissed him again.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little bit crazy for you  
> Just sitting here waiting for you  
> I'm a little bit down  
> I'm just gonna go out  
> I don't wanna be home without you  
> -Charlotte Lawrence-

While he went to promote a movie, I went back to California with Gus and settled into his house there. I was so happy to be home and to be where I knew everything. His security team came with me, they had to start all over again and resurvey the property. I invited my mom over the day I landed, and I enjoyed watching her love on Gus while I took some time off my feet. I was ready for the baby to come but I still had a few months ahead. My back was sore, my feet were tired, and my moods were all over the board. He would call me every night, checking in and I would continue to tell him how happy I was to be home. I had planned on having the baby in California, he seemed somewhat okay with it, but I didn't think he was telling me everything.

\-----

He flew out to California when he was done with his promotions and I welcomed him home happily. He kissed me longer than usual and then looked down to my stomach, putting his hands

on it.

"I can't wait," he said, and I smiled.

"Neither can I," I agreed. "We're getting close," I said, and he nodded.

"We are, I'm glad I'm going to be here for it," he said and kissed me, kissing my neck. "I missed you so much," he whispered, and I closed my eyes, enjoying his touches.

"My mom is here," I said, and he sighed, nodding. He took my hand and I led him on to the back deck where she was with Gus. She looked up and smiled.

"Welcome back!" she exclaimed, and he smiled, hugging her.

"Thank you, I'm glad to be back," he said, and Gus perked up from across the deck hearing his dad's voice. He came running and was taking into his large arms, hugged tightly. I sat with my mom and we watched with amusement as the pair played together, catching up.

"He really is such a good dad," my mom whispered, and I nodded with a smile on my face.

"It’s one of his saving graces," I agreed, and she smiled.

"Was your father's too," she replied, and I smiled.

"Do you think dad would've liked him?" I asked and she smiled brighter.

"I think he would have, once they understood each other," she said with a nod and I smiled. "He would've told you he was an asshole and didn't deserve you, but he would have seen so much of himself in him," she said.

"I know, I think that often, as much as he drives me crazy...he's so much like dad was," I said, and she laughed.

"This is when I wish he was here the most," she sighed and I reached out taking her hand, squeezing it.

"I'm sure he's here in some cosmic way," I promised, and she smiled sadly at me, we looked back to Gus.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're fun and you’re wild  
> But you don't know the half of the shit that you put me through  
> You act like a kid even though you stand six foot two  
> You talk to the walls when the party gets bored of you  
> But I don't get bored, I just see it through  
> Why wait for the best when I could have you? .  
> -Lana del Rey-

The anger that ran through me was intense, I felt it in every inch of my fingers and I clenched my fists. He stared at me from the end of the bed, ass naked and the same level of anger in his face. We had been fighting for an hour, my mom had Gus and we were done with each other. He had been home for three days and had found every button to push. We had been in the middle of makeup sex when he had said something else to piss me off and I had broken up the love fest.

"Just come the fuck back to bed," he demanded.

"No! That's what you want!" I shouted and he rolled his eyes.

"You know what, fine! Don't come back to bed!" he shouted.

"It's my bed!" I exclaimed and he sighed, shaking his head.

"Let me make it easy, I'll fucking leave!" he said, grabbing his boxer briefs and went to leave, I grabbed his arm.

"Fuck you, you're not leaving in the middle of a fight!" I shouted and he pulled his arm from me.

"Figure out what the fuck you want Freya!" he yelled and I stared up at him, his blue eyes boring into mine. I shoved him against the door and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him, he wrapped his arms around me. "You're fucking insane," he said through the kisses and I moved down his chest.

"That's what fucking makes you love me," I told and he didn't respond, my mouth had found his cock. He slammed his fist into the wall behind him and I smiled to myself.

\----

He was downstairs eating at the island when my mom walked in and got water from the fridge.

"Sorry for all the yelling," he said and she smiled, leaning against the counter.

"Brought back memories," she said and he gazed at her.

"From?" he questioned.

"My marriage, we used to fight like cats and dogs," she said and he nodded.

"I don't want to fight with her, she just doesn't listen to me," he said, going back for more on his plate and my mom laughed.

"No, she certainly doesn't and I can guarantee she never will," she said and he smiled. "But you'll love her more for it," she vowed.

" I need someone pushing back," he said.

"She's the one then," she agreed and he smiled. "I'm going to go back to my show, I'm leaving tomorrow so you'll have the whole house to fight in," she said as she walked out and he smiled, laughing quietly to himself.

I came down in a bit, hungry and began rummaging through the fridge.

"Your mother tells me you're always going to be stubborn," he said and I smiled.

"Absolutely and I've never lied about that," I said, pulling food out and he eyed the piece of cake. "Don't judge," I warned and grabbed a fork. "Your baby wants it," I said and he smiled, shaking his head.

"I don't think they do but I'm not judging you," he promised and I dug in.

"You gotta admit, my stubbornness gives you some of the best sex," I said and he sighed, nodding.

"I do have to admit that," he agreed. "And I also have to admit that after I finish this and you're done with that, I'm taking you upstairs for another round," he said and I grinned at him.

"Not if I get to you first," I said and he laughed.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could freeze this moment right here next to you  
> If you're asking me then I say we don't make a move  
> -Conor Matthews-

I went into labor a month early; I was panicked, and he was doing his best to keep me calm while he was freaking out as well. He called the midwife, she told us to head to the hospital and she would meet us there. Within four hours, I gave birth and the baby was carefully examined. I was told the baby was a girl and she was whisked off to NICU to recover and be given oxygen as well kept in the incubator until she upped her weight, they said it was perfectly normal for the baby to lose some weight after birth. They took me to visit her and he came along, pushing the wheelchair. She was so beautiful and well-formed; it eased my worries.

"Diana is so beautiful," he said as he leaned down next to my ear and I smiled. He kissed the top of my head and we stared at her for a long time.

I was released from the hospital before Diana and though I knew Gus was at home waiting for me, it killed me to leave her behind. He assured me that they were taking perfect care of her and that he would make sure she knew someone was always watching over her. He settled me in at home, bringing my mom over to the house and then left to return to the hospital. This was his routine for two weeks, he would get up for a run, make me breakfast, make Gus breakfast as well as my mom and then would go to the hospital. I don't know what he would do there, there wasn't much but he would be there for a good portion of the morning and return for lunch, then return to the hospital later in the evening.

My mom went with him one time and when he had gone back in the afternoon, she sat outside with me as we watched Gus.

"What does he do there all this time?" I asked and she smiled.

"Oh, I thought you knew, you should see him, Frey," she said with a gentle shake of her head and sighed. "When I was there, he was attentive to her, the nurses told me he had asked to be taught how to care for her and then when he comes in the evening, he reads her a good night story," she said.

"Really?" I asked, feeling my eyes well up with tears and she nodded.

"He told me that he had promised you to protect her and that's what he is doing," she said, and I smiled. "He's a good guy, Frey and I am so happy you found him," she stated, squeezing my hand. "So am I," I murmured and fell quiet, a smile on my face.

It was 8 o'clock when he returned that night, I had fallen asleep on the couch watching a show and woke up to his kiss on my lips.

"Your home," I murmured, and he nodded, flopping down beside me as he rubbed his eyes. "How is she?" I asked and he smiled wide.

"Beautiful, as always, she gets stronger every day, Frey," he said and I smiled, I curled into his side.

"Can I come with you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Of course," he agreed, and I smiled, turning my eyes to the show. Within minutes I heard him snoring and I smiled. I grabbed a blanket and laid it over him, making sure he was comfortable. I turned the television off and crept up to bed, wanting to leave him undisturbed.

It was 6am when I heard his alarm go off on his phone, I was in the kitchen making coffee and I heard him groan as he stood, he shuffled into the room.

"I fell asleep pretty fast, didn't I?" he asked as he sat at the island and I smiled, nodding. I put a plate of eggs in front of him and he admired it for a moment before taking the fork from me, digging in. "Thank you," he said, and I nodded, preparing my coffee. "I think I'm going to skip the run today," he said, and I raised my eyebrows, he smiled. "No comments," he warned.

"No, no," I swore and gazed at him. "If you want, I'll visit her this morning," I said, and he glanced up at me.

"I don't mind..." he began, and I smiled.

"I know you don't mind but you're pushing yourself too hard, plus I'd like some bonding time with her," I explained, and he nodded. "Go back to bed, I'll tell my mom and she'll watch Gus I'm sure," I said, and he smiled.

"Thank you," he answered, and I walked around the island, kissing his temple.

"Thank you," I countered and left him eating, calling my mom. She said she would love to take Gus to the beach that day and I got ready, got him ready. I dropped him off at my mom's house and then headed to the hospital.

I returned later in the afternoon, I texted my mom and she told me she would drop Gus off later. The house was quiet when I entered and I slipped upstairs, entering our room. I saw his large figure curled up in the white sheets, clutching pillows and still fast asleep, I smiled. I moved to his side of the bed and reached out, running my fingers down his bare back. He murmured, shifting slightly and I leaned down, kissing his arm. I went into the bathroom and showered. As the warm water ran through my hair, I heard footsteps and smiled.

"Hi," he said as he went to, he bathroom.

"Hi," I replied.

"How is she?" he asked, and I smiled to myself.

"Gorgeous," I replied, and the shower door opened, he got inside. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close, kissing me. "The nurses told me how well you've taken care of her, thank you," I said, and he smiled.

"She's my daughter, you don't have to thank me," he said, and I nodded.

"I know but I wanted to, I know how much you have done," I replied, and he kissed me again. 

"Well if you must thank me, I can think of another way," he said, and I grinned as he kissed my neck and his hands got hungry.


	43. Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tangle me, tangle me in your web  
> All of me is alive 'til I'm dead  
> Hold me close 'til my pulse loses time  
> I'll be yours if you're mine.  
> -Wens-

It was my birthday, I wanted to go out with friends but he was a homebody now, wanting to stay with the kids. We argued over it, struggled over it and at last, he told me if I wanted to go, I should just go. So I did. I dressed up, did my hair and my make up, leaving him home with the kids. I got in the Uber and it drove me to Sarah's house. We spent a good portion of the night out at clubs and he texted me at 11 to see where I was. I replied and put my phone back in my purse. We left a half-hour later and as I stumbled out of the club, clinging to my friend's arm, I caught sight of him. He was leaning against our car, t-shirt and jeans but still looking godly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, separating from my group and walking to him.

"I was an asshole, I came to take you out to dinner," he said and I raised my brows.

"Dinner? It's eleven," I said and he shrugged.

"I've got something arranged," he stated and I smiled at him, amused by him.

"I'm going to go with him!" I called over my shoulder and he opened the door for me, I got in. As we drove away, I studied his profile and he smiled again.

"Why are you staring at me?" he asked.

"It's a fantastic birthday, a good time with the friends and a handsome man to end the night with," I said and he grinned.

"Wait, it will get better," he promised.

He could not have prepared me for what he had done, he pulled onto the tarmac of a private airport and helped me out, guiding me to the jet.

"What is this?" I asked and he smiled, a gentle hand on the small of my back. He helped me up the steps and we took our seat.

"It's your birthday gift," he replied and I shook my head, looking out the window. The stewardess brought over glasses of champagne and he held it up. "To my beautiful wife, you put up with my asshole ways, you've given me two beautiful children and I can't wait to celebrate the rest of your birthdays together, I love you, Freya," he said and I smiled, we clinked our glasses then drank.

"The kids?"I asked.

"Your mom of course," he said with a shrug and leaned back in his seat.

"Where are we going?" I asked and he smiled.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he mused and I rolled my eyes, I hated when he had the upper hand.

He took me to Paris, where he had arranged a breakfast at Le Train Bleu and then a private cruise down the Seine with a tour guide. He had his arm around my shoulders and my hand rested on his thigh as we listened to the history.

"You had this planned the whole time, didn't you?" I asked in between the tour guide's speaking and he smiled, gazing into the distance. "You're such a perfect asshole," I said and leaned in, we kissed. "Thank you," I murmured and he smiled, his eyes going to the tour guide as he began to speak again. The rest of the day was about me, lunch at a luxurious restaurant, shopping at a high-end shop and then dinner in at the top of the Eiffel Tower. When we finally reached our hotel for the night, I was exhausted but he wouldn't let me sleep without seeing to my needs. I managed to get him to fuck me finally, though he tried to tell me it was all about my needs and as we lay side by side gasping for air, I took his hand. "I hope we just created number 3," I said and he laughed.

"We just started being able to have sex again, you already are thinking another one?" he asked and I shrugged.

"To tell our child they were created in Paris, that would be pretty nice," I said and he smiled.

"It would," he agreed and rolled on his side, taking me in his arms. I turned on my side with my back to him and we slowly drifted off.


	44. I Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I bet your eyes are getting glassy  
> Those eyes that cut into my soul  
> You took my peace of mind without asking  
> I'm scared to bet against you now  
> -Charlotte Lawerence-

We flew home the next day and I had my friends over for dinner. I gushed about his gift and they all cooed how romantic he was. We sat out in the back at the table, eating and drinking wine as we enjoyed our time together.

"See? This is all I wanted, you to be close enough that we could do this," Sarah commented and I smiled.

"I know," I said and she smiled at me. We looked up as he walked out and my friends all cheered as he raised the wine bottle he carried. He set it down before me and I picked it up as they talked to him. "This is a really old bottle, are you sure?" I asked, looking up at him and he nodded, holding to my shoulder lightly.

"Course," he said and kissed my head. "Enjoy ladies!" he said, with a wave of his hand and walked back into the house.

"He's not so bad," Sarah said, leaning into me and I grinned at her.

"I told you," I replied and she rolled her eyes.

"He's still old," she said and I laughed, nodding.

"He wouldn't deny that for a minute but it adds something to the bedroom," I remarked with a wink and she groaned, I smiled.

\-----

I climbed into bed late that night, the girls had gone home and he was asleep. I shuffled in close to him, curling up to his side and he wrapped an arm around me, holding me close.

"Thank you for that wine, it was amazing," I whispered and he squeezed me in a silent welcome.

\------

My mom came over the next night and I went out with him for drinks at a local bar. He was recognized a few times, giving a picture and an autograph with a quick chat. The more time he spent with them, the more drinks I snuck in and soon, I was three ahead of him. Halfway through his second beer, I went to the bar to see if I could get another drink and some big guy pushed past me, trying to get his drink first.

"Excuse me, but you weren't here first," I stated and he looked down at me, scoffing. He turned back to the bar and I looked over my shoulder at him, he was too busy signing another autograph. "Listen you fat fuck, I said I was fucking here first," I exclaimed, slapping him on the back and he turned to me, it was clear I had pissed him off.

"Oh yeah?" he asked.

"What, you're fucking deaf as well?" I demanded with my hands on my hips.

"Ain't you the little fucking bitch?" he asked and I slapped him in the face, the bar near us erupted. He was quickly at my side, his eyes had been on me while signing and talking. He began to bargain with the larger man, the other man continued to spew insults at me and him. I noticed he was putting himself between the other guy and me, shielding me.

"Look, I'm sorry, my wife is a little drunk and she gets a bit rude," he apologized.

"Don't apologize for me!" I shouted.

"Freya, stop," he said putting his hand up and I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Listen, let me pay for your tab tonight and let's just let this be," he said and the guy looked at him, then at me.

"Fine," he said, raising his hands.

"Good man," he said and turned to the bartender. "His drinks are on my tab tonight, alright?" he asked and she nodded, grateful he had broken up the fight without violence. He turned to me, placing his hand on the small of my back and guiding me from the bar, I grabbed my purse. "If you ever do this again, Freya, I will not go out with you," he remarked, opening the door and I got in with a heavy sigh.

"Why do you always have to act like my fucking father," I grunted and he slammed the door with a heavy sigh, getting in on his side.

"If you stop acting like a child, I won't have to act like your goddamn father," he said and started the car.

"You're such an old fuck," I muttered and he shook his head, pulling away from the curb.

"You're welcome for stopping whatever the hell might have happened," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"Fuck you," I mumbled and he shook his head, falling quiet for the rest of the ride home. We went into the house together but separated after that, I took up in the guest room after putting the kids to bed.


	45. Manchild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn, man-child  
> You fucked me so good that I almost said "I love you"  
> You're fun and you’re wild  
> But you don't know half of the shit that you put me through.  
> -Lana del Rey-

I had fallen into bed exhausted and drunk, the pillow was my best friend. Just as I began to drift off, the door opened and I groaned at the intrusion of the hall light. The door shut and I felt the bed depress underweight, his fingers were on my skin. He ran them up my bare arm, down my bareback and slowly began to pull the sheet from me, I clung to it desperately.

"No," I murmured and felt his lips on my skin, he laid behind me.

"Don't be mad at me, Frey," he whispered into my hair and his hand gripped my breast gently, I felt my will slowly dropping away. 

"But you act like my dad, you didn't defend me, you protected me," I stated and he laughed quietly.

"Trust you to see the difference," he muttered and I rolled on my back, he rolled on his. I gazed at him, studying his godly perfection for a flaw and coming up empty yet again. He propped himself up on an elbow and leaned down, pressing his lips against mine. "I am sorry I didn't defend you, I love you and want to do nothing else than defend you," he vowed and I gazed up at him, he kissed me again. "Now let me make it up to you," he whispered and I smiled.

\----

He had to leave for a press tour, I sent him off with a kiss and watched as he got into the SUV which would drive him to the airport, then he would be gone for a month. I returned to the house and to my life as a mom. My mom came over and stayed in the guest house to give me a hand, plus company. I knew he had called her to help me out but also keep an eye on me to make sure I didn't lose my grip. I followed groups on Instagram that were dedicated to him, hoping to get updates on where he was and what he was doing. I decided I would start painting again, he had made a room in the house my art studio and I dedicated myself to it. I would paint into the early morning hours, falling asleep and then getting up late morning, finding the kids with my mom.

"I was thinking, maybe soon, we'll take them to the zoo?" she asked and I gazed at her with Diana on her lap, Gus was busy with his snack.

"Sure," I replied and she nodded, kissing Diana's blonde hair.

"What did you work on last night?" she asked and I sighed, shrugging.

"Honestly, I don't know, I'm not happy with anything I paint lately," I replied and she smiled empathetically at me.

"Has he called you?" she asked.

"No but he's busy, he does a lot of interviews and appearances, I'm sure he's tired," I replied and she nodded though I could tell it made her leery. "Mom, he won't cheat on me again," I said and she smiled.

"I don't think that," she denied and stood with Diana. "I'm going to change her," she said as she passed and I nodded, looking to Gus.

I was sitting by the pool watching my mom with the kids when my phone rang and I looked at it, his smiling face filled up my screen.

"Hello?" I asked, the annoyance not being able to be hidden in my tone.

"You're mad at me," he stated and I rolled my eyes.

"No, why would I be? You've only been gone two days and I haven't heard shit from you," I said and he sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry, Frey, I really am, the interviews started as soon as I touched down and then the jet lag caught up to me, I have been doing work and going right to bed," he said.

"No gym time?" I asked and he paused. "Ah, so you can go to the gym but you can't call your wife and kids," I said and he growled on the other end, frustrated.

"Freya, come on, you've been through this with me before," he pushed.

"Yeah I have and I've also been through you cheating on me," I started sitting up and the line was silent.

"How long until that gets dropped?" he asked and I laughed.

"Dropped? Why should it be dropped?" I asked.

"So no matter how long I prove to you I will never do that again, you're holding it against me?" he questioned and I sighed.

"Probably, that was a pretty shitty thing you did," I said and he laughed incredulously.

"Then what the fuck is the point of staying faithful when you're assuming I'm cheating all the time?" he asked and I stood, my anger pushing me to move. I started pacing and I knew my mom's eyes were on me, she recognized what I was thinking.

"You know what, I don't fucking know, why don't you just start hooking up with all those girls that drool over you?" I demanded and he growled again.

"Maybe I fucking will, it will be no different to what you're assuming I'm doing!" he shouted.

"Fine!" I screamed into the phone.

"Fine!" he yelled and hung up. I screamed again and threw my phone across the yard, pausing for a minute. I turned back and my mom stared at me.

"Freya," she began and I shook my head, marching into the house. I knew I had been immature, I knew I had said things I shouldn't of but my anger had got ahold of me again, taken me to places I didn't want to go. I entered our master bedroom and stood there for a moment, my eyes landed on a picture of our wedding. I grabbed it and threw it across the room, it hit the wall, the glass shattering. "Fucker," I muttered and fell into bed. I got up and went to the small bar in the corner of the bedroom, grabbing whiskey. I poured myself a glass and sat back on the bed, sitting in silence. I growled to myself, getting up and grabbing the whiskey bottle, marching down the hall. I entered my studio and slammed the door shut, starting a new painting. I knew I was wrong, I knew I let my jealousy win again but goddamn the drink gave me courage to be as mad as I wanted.


	46. Chapter 46

I ignored him then and there. I decided I wasn't going to answer my phone, I didn't want to deal with the repercussions of my idiocy and instead dedicated myself to painting, splurging on the kids. I let a week pass doing this, he called me at least every day but I put it straight to voicemail. My inbox was overflowing, and I ignored all the text messages.

I was in the kitchen with the kids giving them lunch when my mom came in with a pile of mail and tossed it on the counter, taking over the feeding as I went to shuffle through it. An envelope dropped out and I gazed at it, studying the handwriting. It was his handwriting and I didn't understand why he had sent me mail. I picked it up, opening the envelope and pulled out the folded paper, revealing a letter. He wrote lovely words to me, apologizing for his temper and for ignoring me. He promised me he would work every day to make it up to me and that he would make sure I would never have any reason to feel insecure about our relationship.

"What are you looking at?" my mom asked, and I glanced up, shaking my head.

"He sent me a letter," I said, and her eyebrows raised.

"A letter?" she asked, and I nodded, turning it so she could see. "And handwritten, now that's romance," she said, and I smiled. "I think it worked too," she stated with a wink and I smiled. "Go ahead, I’ll finish up here," she offered, and I grabbed my phone, walking out of the kitchen with the letter.

"Freya," he said as he picked up.

"You're such an asshole," I said, and he laughed.

"You got my letter then?" he asked, and I smiled to myself.

"I did, thank you," I stated, and he laughed again.

"Of course, you wouldn't answer my phone calls, my e-mails or my text messages, I had to find some way to get through to you," he answered.

"Well it worked," I said. "And I was just being a moron anyway," I muttered.

"I love you Freya and I meant every fucking word in that letter," he vowed.

"I know you did," I replied.

"So, we're good?" he asked hopefully.

"I hope so," I agreed.

"Thank you, I've been an asshole the past week worrying about you," he said, and I smiled. "I was going to get a map of all the posts offices wherever we were promoting and send you a letter from them,” he stated and I laughed.

“Well I wouldn’t mind,” I trailed and I knew he smiled at that.

“How about a phone call every day?” he replied.

“I can deal with that,” I agreed.

“And I’ll do my best to answer your texts,” he promised.

“I was a little ridiculous, I get it that you’re working,” I said.

“Yeah but I can still send a text between interviews,” he said.

“Yeah, you could,” I agreed, and he laughed.

“I love you, Frey,” he repeated.

“I love you,” I returned. We got into a conversation on the kids and how they were doing, then he told me a bit about what he was doing. He seemed to be enjoying the press tour as busy as it was but when I told him about spending time in the pool with the kids, I could tell in his voice he wished he was there. We hung up on good terms and with the promise of a phone call the next day.


	47. Chapter 47

I disappeared in the night, I left a note for my mom and a separate one for the kids then I left. I had a backpack and nothing else. I boarded a plane, flying first class and soon we were out of the country. I missed him and he missed me, we were rich enough to afford plane tickets at the drop of a hat why not take advantage of it? We landed and I checked in with his assistant, she told me he was in the gym. I entered the hotel, gave his room number to get a card and wandered around the hotel, stopping at a sign on the wall. I followed the arrow and entered the gym. I quickly found him working out but his back was facing me. I took off my jacket and set it down with my bag. I started one of the treadmills and began running on it, gazing out the hotel window. I heard his familiar grunts and enjoyed the sound with a smile on my face. I heard him stop and shuffle around, I peered over at him. He glanced up feeling eyes on him and stopped everything he was doing, his eyes frozen on me.

“Freya?” He asked and I smiled, stopping the treadmill.

“You’re looking sexy daddy,” I commented and he quickly got to his feet, moving across the gym faster than I thought possible. He grabbed me in his arms and pulled me up so my legs were around his waist, kissing me passionately.

“How do you keep appearing at all the right times?” He asked and kissed me deeper, I smiled against his lips. He pulled back and I stroked his stubbly cheek.

“I’m your wife, I know things,” I replied and he smiled, shaking his head. He set me down suddenly and sighed.

“Sorry, I forgot I’m probably a bit sweaty,” he said, glancing down at his glistening biceps and I shrugged.

“I honestly could give a fuck,” I said, pressing myself against him and he smiled, kissing me. “So are we going to fuck here or did you want to go to your room?” I asked and he laughed, nodding. He grabbed his towel and I grabbed my belongings, my hand tightly grasped in his. He pulled me out of the gym and towards the elevator, pressing the up arrow.

“We’re going to have to start paying your mom,” he said and I grinned.

“Pay her whatever she wants, as long as I can leave whenever I want to come to see you,” I said and he smiled, kissing me. The door opened and we entered. He leaned against the wall and pulled me against him, kissing me lovingly. The doors slid open on his floor and he guided me down the hall to a suite, putting his key card in. I pushed him in as he opened the door and it shut behind us.

It was a full happy hour before his phone went off to let him know he was due at an interview and I enjoyed every single moment of it. He had me go with him and I got to meet his co-stars, they were all genuinely nice. The interviews became repetitive after the third one and I began to distract myself with my phone. By one o’clock we broke for lunch and I joined the cast out at a restaurant.

The day was long and boring, I was glad when at last they said the cast was on their last interview. He quickly took my hand and escorted me off the set, back to the hotel room to repeat the morning again. The next morning I gave him a long kiss and then I was off, back on a plane. As I sat against the window, I stared out at the world disappearing beneath the clouds and silently wished I wasn’t leaving him but knowing he had only two weeks left of his press tour. Then our family would be back together and I would be happy.


	48. Chapter 48

It was Sunday morning, Gus was in the pool with my mom, and Diana was relaxing on the couch with me, she had just finished feeding. The doorbell rang and I looked up, confused. I hadn't been expecting anyone and didn't know anyone that would visit me at that time. I struggled to get up with her in my arms but managed, walking to the door. I opened it and stared at him as he stood there with his suitcase and a smile.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and he kissed me.

"I'm all done," he said and I smiled, kissing him again. He looked to Diana and took her in his arms, kissing her forehead. "They asked me to stay an extra day but I told them they'd have to pay me at least a million more, they weren't on board," He said and I smiled, reaching up to stroke his curls. "I missed you guys too much," he said and pulled me in for another kiss. "Where's Gus?" he asked.

"In the pool with my mom," I replied and he nodded, I pulled his suitcase into the house. He followed me in and shut the door, we walked out to the pool.

"Gus! Look whose home early!" I exclaimed and both looked over in our direction, Gus screamed loudly. We laughed and he walked over to the edge of the pool as my mom attempted to help Gus up out of the pool. He ran over, soaking wet as Henry crouched down and he laughed, hugging his soaking body to him."Babe, he's wet," I said and Henry shook his head.

"I don't care," he replied and picked him up, standing to hold his two kids. "I'll take him wet, muddy, however, he comes," he said and kissed Gus' cheek, Gus wrapped his tiny arms around his neck. "I'm not leaving again for a long, long time," he said and I looked at him.

"Yeah?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah, where else do I have to be?" he asked and I grinned at him, standing on my toes to kiss his cheek.

"I like to hear that," I said and he smiled.

===

We were lying on the couch later in the day, his arm around me and I rested on his chest, zoning out as he watched the television.

"I'm glad you're home for a while," I said, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah, I missed having you here," I said and he kissed the top of my head.

"Well I felt bad leaving you here by yourself to deal with the kids," he said. "You don't know how much I appreciate what you do for me," he said and I looked up at him.

"I'm your wife," I said and he nodded.

"I know but you gave up a lot to support my career," he replied and I sighed, laying my head back on his chest.

"As long as you realize it," I said and he laughed.

"Don't worry, I realize fucker," he promised and I smiled, closing my eyes.

\------

He was hanging over me, his elbows locked out and his blue eyes set on me intensely.

"Do the voice," I murmured and his brow wrinkled in confusion.

"What voice?" he asked and I smiled, stroking his stubble filled cheek.

"Geralt," I said and he smiled.

"Really?" he asked and I nodded, biting my lower lip in anticipation. "What do you want me to say?" he asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know, be rough with me," I offered and he smiled, shaking his head.

"I'm gonna bend you over and fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for two days," he said, resorting to the voice and my smile lit up.

"Take me," I begged and he quickly turned me on my stomach, hands on my hips. He brought me up on my knees and spread my ass cheeks, shoving his cock into me. I whimpered into the pillows and he continued to whisper nasty things in my ear, in the voice.

We laid side by side after, hand in hand and he brought mine to his lips.

"I don't know if I should be offended," he said and I laughed.

"Why's that?" I asked and he shrugged.

"My wife desired Geralt more than me," he pouted and I laughed again, propping myself up on my elbow.

"Are you feeling unwanted?" I asked, running a hand down his hairy chest and he nodded. I leaned down and kissed him tenderly. "I'll always want you above everyone else, even Geralt," I promised and he smiled, I kissed him again. He placed a hand gently on the back of my head and kept my lips on his.

"I love you," he murmured against them and I smiled.

"I love you too," I vowed.


	49. Chapter 49

I was lying on the bed with my iPad against my folded-up legs and talking to my friend that was cross country in New York City. She was my second to best friend from Sarah, she had been in my life for at least ten years and I missed her like crazy, but she was at school for the arts. I was having another fantastic conversation with her when the door opened and I glanced up, Henry entered. He looked apologetic and put up a hand to apologize.

"Come here," I beckoned, and he leaned on the bed, beside me. I turned the iPad to face him and Beth, my friend, said a very friendly hello. Henry liked Beth, she was friendly and usually always happy.

"How are you Henry!" she asked, and he smiled.

"I'm doing alright, how are you Beth?" he asked, and she sighed.

"Up to my eyeballs in coursework but other than that okay, I'm loving the city life!" she squealed, and he smiled.

"I'm glad, New York is a busy place," he stated.

"Whoa, is that Superman?" a voice came from behind her and Beth looked over her shoulder. Another girl poked her head in the picture and Beth laughed.

"This is my roommate Jess, Jess, this my friend Freya and her husband Henry," she introduced, and they all waved.

"I didn't know you knew Geralt," the girl said, and I smiled. "Remind me to be home when you Facetime next time," she said to Beth who rolled her eyes and pushed her out of the view, I laughed.

"I'm going to shower," Henry said, kissing me and looking to the camera. "It was great seeing you again Beth," he said with a wave and she returned the sentiment, he went into the bathroom.

"Girl, he just gets finer with age, you did really good," she complimented and I grinned.

"Oh, I know," I agreed, and Beth winked at her.

\---------

It was a very delicate game I played as Henry's wife and mother to his children. I had to walk the line as his wife, staying behind him for photos on the red carpet but near enough, he could reach out for me hand if he needed me. I had to run a house and family while he was gone for months on end. Sometimes he would call me frequently and other times he would call me every so often. I had to contact him in those cases, remind him he had a family at home and snap him out of his world of characters.

Henry was off filming again; I was home with the kids and my mother was staying over while he was gone. She was helping with cooking and nannying the kids, something she loved to do. I was on a phone conversation with the security in Jersey about someone who had broken into our home there and trying to figure out new security means. My phone beeped and I looked at it on Henry's desk, it was him. I sighed and ignored the call, sending a text I would get back to him. After a half-hour, I approved the new security measures and hung up, calling Henry back.

"Hello beautiful," he said.

"Hi, how are you?" I asked, taking a grape from the plate my mom had brought in earlier.

"I'm fine, how are you? You sound stressed," he questioned, and I sighed.

"Yeah, apparently someone broke into our other home, I was on the phone with the security setting up new measures," I said.

"Oh, that's never fun, I'm sorry," he said. "I'm surprised they didn't call me," he stated.

"He said he tried but couldn't get a hold of you," I replied.

"Ah, I was on set," he said and sighed. “Sorry Frey," he said.

"Don't worry about it, it's handled," I replied. "How's the day going?" I asked.

"Busy but we're getting it done at least," he said, and I smiled, the faster he got it done the sooner he would be home.

"That's good to hear," I answered.

"How are the kids?" he asked.

"They're great, my moms with them right now," I said.

"Thank god for your mom," he murmured, and I smiled.

"Absolutely," I agreed. "Anything else going on?" I asked.

"I miss you," he said, and I tried to stop the stupid grin from spreading across my face, but it wouldn't be ignored.

"I miss you," I replied.

"Can I expect you surprising me this time?" he asked, and I laughed.

"I don't know, I'm pretty tied up here," I replied.

"Well I'll tie you up here if you come to visit," he urged and I couldn't help the ridiculous giggle that left my throat, I rolled my eyes at myself. "Sounds like you like that idea," he said.

"Shut up, I have to go but I love you," I said and hung up, leaning back in his chair. I had taken over his desk since he'd been gone, and it was a damn comfortable chair. My phone lit up and I glanced at it, a text from him.

"Just say the magic words and I'll have a jet waiting," he said, and I felt my neck grow warm.

"Please, daddy," I typed and within minutes, he sent me flight information for tomorrow. I couldn't help but laugh, he knew how to keep me coming back to him no matter the distance he put between us.


	50. Chapter 50

I forgot how amazing he smelled until he was standing in front of me, his hand tightly clasped in mine and talking to someone on set. I had flown out that morning, eager to see him and had taken the kids with me this time, giving my mom some time off. He was thrilled to see the kids and everyone on set cooed over them. They were napping in his trailer while we grabbed some lunch and had barely made it to the food truck before he was stopped by someone to speak. I stood, patiently and enjoying his presence, having missed it for a while.

"Come on," he said gently, guiding me towards the food truck and we stood in line, patiently waiting. He crossed his arms over his broad chest and looked at the menu, I picked out what I wanted within three minutes. "You know what you want?" he asked, glancing down at me and I nodded, we moved up in line. He ordered his high in protein meal that sounded bland and I ordered my meal that didn't have an dietary requirements. He guided me back to the table and we sat down together, across. "I missed you," he said and I looked up, his blue eyes set on me.

"You know I missed you or I wouldn't be here," I teased and he smiled, nodding. "You seem tired, Hen," I offered and he sighed.

"Yeah, this one is taking it out of me," He agreed and began to eat, I nodded. "I'm looking forward to a long holiday when this is done, sun and sand, you, the kids," he said and a smile filled his face, a truly happy smile

"That sounds lovely," I murmured and he winked at me.

We went back to the trailer as the kids were waking up and I watched with pleasure as he played with them, I could see how much he missed them especially.

\--------------

We returned to home a day and a half later, sad but eager to be home. The kids seemed excited to be home, to have room to play and their toys back. I was fine until I got into the empty bed that night, alone and horny as usual.

"I miss you," I said, texting him. "And your dick," I finished and smiled to myself. I went onto Pinterest, getting lost in the vault of ideas for anything and everything. Two hours later, his response popped up.

"It misses you," he agreed and I smiled to myself. "Facetime?" he asked and I quickly set it up, waiting as the rings sounded out. His face came into view, handsome, tired and a smile on it when I appeared on his end. "Beautiful as always," he said and I laughed, sitting up.

"Oh yeah, no make up and hair a mess," I commented and he shrugged.

"Just how I like you, my California girl with freckles on her nose and sun in her hair," he said and I couldn't help the dippy smile that filled my lips, he knew how to romance me. "I didn't get enough of you when you were here," he said and I sighed.

"I know, loving you is hard," I stated and he laughed.

"I'm a difficult guy," he agreed.

"Always just out of reach," I mused and he smiled.

"Two more weeks," He promised and I nodded.

"I know, I know," I agreed.

"Start looking for somewhere to vacation," he urged. "Anywhere you want," he offered.

"Anywhere, wow," I said, my brain working all ready. There were lots of places I hadn't seen yet and I knew he was eager to take me to all of them. "I'll have to think on that," I said.

"You got two weeks," he reminded.

"I know, I can't wait," I said.

"I was thinking that your mom could come along and I'd meet you at the location," he offered. "That way she can help you with the kids on the plane and she can enjoy the time with us," He said.

"Free babysitting too?" I asked and he laughed.

"No, no, I'm trying not to take advantage of her kindness," he replied and I smiled.

"I really don't think she minds," I swore and he smiled, falling quiet.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," He offered and I raised my eyebrows, a smile on my face. I shrugged, setting the phone up against a pillow and lifted my shirt, showing him my naked tits. He sighed happily and stared quietly for a moment.

"Your turn," I said and he nodded. He stood, setting the phone down on the table in front of him and I got a view of his crotch as he undid his jeans, taking his boxer briefs with them. I stared at his semi erect cock, large and lonely as it hung between his legs. "This wasn't helpful," I said and he laughed, sitting back down with his pants still around his ankles.

"No, it certainly wasn't," he agreed and I saw him stroke himself, still looking at my tits.

"Stop," I pleaded and he smiled mischievously.

"Miss it?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Only a little," I said and he smiled, adjusting himself. He leaned forward and grabbed the phone.

"Well you'll have to just be happy with my pillows, I guess," he said and I sighed, looking at them.

"I try not to touch them too much, so they retain your scent," I replied and he smiled.

"Anyone else, that would sound creepy," He said and I smiled.

"I love you, Hen," I replied and he nodded.

"I love you, Frey," He agreed. There wasn't much to say afterwards, it was awkward loneliness and we hung up soon, neither of us satisfied with the conversation. I reminded myself he would be mine and all mine for a while in two weeks.


End file.
